Retrouvaille
by hmccord
Summary: Retrouvaille: the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery. Henry is let to believe Elizabeth passed away in Iran. But what happens when she returns after a year? Will he have moved on? Can things ever go back to normal? (I'm so bad summaries, sorry.)
1. Chapter 1: prologue

**A/N: welcome to my first story on here! the next chapters will be longer. xo**

 _Prologue_

"Are you sure?" Henry asked his wife, not liking the fact she would be going into a country on the brink of war. He knew she was determent to fix the situation in Iran and he admired her will to do. He just wished it didn't mean sending her into such a dangerous situation.

She had only been on the job for about a year. He figured as long as she didn't join the CIA again, she would be safe. That nothing bad could happen to her. Recently he had experienced how dangerous her new job could be as well. He preferred the days where she spent hours in boring meetings with foreign diplomats instead of travelling off to the middle east.

"I have to go. We need this." Elizabeth told him, noticing she hadn't reassured him yet. "I will be fine, I promise." She kissed him, hoping it would bring him some kind of comfort.

"Be careful, I love you." He told her, stealing one more kiss.

"I love you too." She said before heading out the door.

Many hours later, Elizabeth had reached Iran and they were guided to where they were supposed to meet minister Giovanni.

"Only three are allowed in." A guard told them, and Elizabeth turned around.

"Frank, Matt, you're with me." Elizabeth said, leaving the rest of her detail behind. She knew Matt was about to object, but she was already walking inside with the two men following her closely.

"Ma'am, I highly suggest we take at least two other men with us." Matt tried to persuade her, but she continued walking.

"You concern has been noted, Matt but they said only the three of us could come in and we really need these talks to go smoothly." She told him. She entered a room and looked around. It was fairly big with two comfortable looking couches in the middle. A beautiful chandelier hung from the ceiling and the walls were covered in what seemed to her as cushion. For a moment she wondered if the room was soundproofed. Her thoughts were quickly interrupted when a door opened and someone, she didn't recognize walked in.

"He will be with you shortly. In the meantime, can I offer you some tea, madam?" The man asked, and she shook her head no, just wanting to start and get it over with.

"No thank you." She politely declined, and she turned around to find her ds agents. She felt safer knowing they were right behind her and coming at her aid whenever needed.

Her instincts were telling her something was wrong, and she never felt more on edge than right now. She knew something was very wrong, but she chose to ignore her instincts and waited.

"Madam secretary." She heard, and she noticed three armed men walk in. She took a step back towards her agents and they quickly stood by her side, slightly in front of her with hands on their weapon.

"Don't move." A voice behind her said and she felt something being pressed against the back of her head. Matt and Frank turned around and pointed their weapons at the man who had offered their boss tea earlier. Apparently, he had creeped up on them from behind and he was now pointing a gun at Elizabeth's head. The three other men walked with guns pointed towards the two American agents and ordered them to drop their guns. When neither moved, one of the Iranian men shot Frank in his leg. He collapsed on the floor but even sitting, he maintained his grip on his gun.

"No!" Elizabeth yelled, wanting to help him but she knew there was still a gun to her head.

"Drop your guns." The tallest man spoke but still neither did. Elizabeth noticed the slight accent in their voices but couldn't place it. One thing was for sure, it wasn't Arabic.

"You drop yours." Matt spoke but no one moved. Eventually one of the men nodded at the man holding a gun to Elizabeth's head and he walked to the other three. Matt now moved in front of Elizabeth, but she tried to reach Frank to help him.

"He needs medical attention, please." She begged the men until one of them pointed his gun back at Frank. A shot rang out and Elizabeth's knees gave in. She couldn't stop looking at the body of the now lifeless man who had protected her for almost a year now. Blood oozing from the dot between his eyes where the bullet pierced through his skin.

"No." She sobbed as Matt tried his best to stay focused. He had worked with Frank since Elizabeth had been appointed Secretary of State and they had spent a lot of time together.

"We only wanted you, madam secretary. Now look what you made us do." One of the men spoke but the words barely registered in Elizabeth's mind.

Another shot rang out and Elizabeth looked around to find Matt had been hit in his right shoulder. It didn't look life threatening yet, but he had lowered his gun when the bullet had hit him. One of them men moved forward quickly to take his gun and the other two grabbed Elizabeth. She was struggling but in vein. Matt got up, ready to fight but was met by three guns pointed at him.

"You need to deliver a message to your President. Tell him by the time he gets it, his Secretary will be dead and disposed of. There will be nothing left to find while the same now goes for her agent over there." The man said, and fear started to settle in Elizabeth. One of the men walked over to Matt and he held a cloth over his mouth. Matt tried to struggle, but with a bullet wound, he didn't stand a chance. It didn't take long before he was knocked out on the floor and Elizabeth was alone with these guys.

"This is an act of war." She told them, hoping to talk some sense into them. Before she could continue a cloth was placed over her mouth as well and she tried to fight it off, knowing it was probably chloroform. Her vision slowly became blurry and she passed out.

 **TBC**


	2. Chapter 2: lacuna

**A/N: thanks for your lovely reviews. here's chapter two! any and all spelling mistakes are mine as English is not my native language** **. Hope you enjoy!**

 **My idea is to update this story weekly so I will try to update it every Sunday/Monday**

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 **lacuna: (n.) a missing part**

Henry was making dinner when the front door opened. Stevie took over and Henry looked at Alison and Jason before going to meet their guest. When he found two marines, the President of the United States and a DS agent, he knew something was terribly wrong. He shook his head in disbelieve.

"I'm sorry, Henry." Conrad said, his voice breaking. "Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord is a casualty in the line of duty." He stated.

As the president he had an obligation but as a friend, he felt the need to protect and help in any way possible.

"No." Henry shook his head, tears appearing in his eyes. His shoulders started shaking and he was breathing rapidly and harshly, like he couldn't quite figure out how to pull oxygen into his burning lungs.

"No!" He said, this time louder and it got the kids their attention. Stevie, Alison and Jason walked in but stopped when they noticed everyone in the house. Stevie knew what this meant and put her hand over her mouth to cover a sob as tears now rolled down.

"Dad, what's going on?" Alison asked scared and Jason put his arm around her. He knew whatever it was, it wasn't good. Henry turned around to face his kids and Stevie wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry, it's mom." He managed to get out before he couldn't form words anymore. It felt like his entire world was collapsing around him. His hands were clenching and unclenching rapidly, his bunt fingernails digging into the flesh of his palms. Alison and Jason now put their arms around their dad as well, wanting and needing the comfort of a parent.

Conrad nodded at the marines and they quietly left the house while he stayed behind. He watched the family process the news and got tears in his eyes as he tried to imagine what they must be going through. He quickly blinked them back because he knew he couldn't afford to break down as well, not now and not here. He owed it to Elizabeth to support her family and be there for them.

"I'm so sorry." He told them, his voice low as he tried to be calm and steady.

Because right now, someone had to be.

Stevie was the first one to pull back and found the other man with tears in her eyes. She walked over to hug him, not realizing she was hugging the President but to her she was just hugging her mother's friend, mentor and boss.

"What happened?" Alison asked in between sobs and Henry pulled back, drying his face and turning to the only person who could give them answers.

Jason simply shook his head but didn't look up. Not letting go of his father.

"I'm not sure that's the right conversation for today." Conrad said, and Henry understood the under lying message. _Not a conversation your kids should hear._

"Why don't you three wait in the kitchen?" Henry said, trying not to break down again as he watched his three kids walk to the kitchen. They held on to each other tight for comfort and support.

"What happened?" Henry asked, and Conrad knew better than to argue with him.

He flinched because that was the very last question he wanted to answer.

It was necessary, of course, because no one could be helped not without the truth, but perhaps Conrad had been hoping that they could just wait a little while longer.

But that wasn't how this was going to play out, he thought, because Henry was wide-eyed. He looked haunted in a way no one should ever look.

"We don't think it was Iran." Conrad started because he knew Henry was wondering why they weren't at war yet if they did it. "A terrorist group probably managed to infiltrate the government. None of the actual Iranian diplomats had seen Bess yet."

"How?" He gasped out, and it's a desperate plea to understand what happened. Once again, he was clenching his fists like he was trying to fight for strength.

"We think they have been playing the long game because-" He started to explain but Henry shook his head. He wasn't interested in the politics, he was interested in his wife.

"No, how did she-" He asked, not being able to finish the sentence yet.

"We don't know." Conrad said, and he explained how DS agent Matt had escaped and told them what happened exactly, what their plan had been. "So, when we raided the building, we found blood from the two and bathtub with traces of chemicals. Our guess is they used sulfuric acid."

Henry's face contorts into something awful. The devastated look on his suddenly far too pale face was mixed with heartbreak.

"S-So there is nothing left?" Henry asked as he sat down on the couch. He had no idea how he was supposed to tell his kids they couldn't bury their mom because there was nothing to bury.

"The acid doesn't react with everything. They found her wedding ring and it's currently on its way to the US." Conrad told him, wishing he had more to say.

"Thank you." Henry said, grateful he had come here to give the news personally instead of marines he didn't know.

"Is there anything I can do for you or your family?"

"Not that I can think of." Henry said, just wanting to be with his family for the moment. He had no idea how they were supposed to get through this, how they were supposed to mourn or grieve.

"Call me or Russell if you need anything." He replied, and Henry nodded at him before showing him out. Hesitantly, he walked back to the kitchen. All three kids were hurdled on the couch and it broke his heart to her the sobs and sniffles.

He wanted to say something. Something that would comfort them, take their pain away but he didn't know what to say. He made himself known and crouched in front of the couch. Alison was the first one to throw herself around her father before the other two followed and Henry couldn't keep his tears at bay anymore.

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According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross there are five stages of grief. They may be different for each person and everyone experiences them at a different moment, but there are always five.

All three kids and Henry had to go through the process. They had to grieve in their own way and find a place for what had happened.

Now, everyone overcoming grief will start at denial. This is a stage most people will quickly pass through as their first reaction is disbelieve. For all Mccords, denial was a stage they hardly even noticed.

Of course, after the first reaction, everyone was still hoping it wasn't true. Hoping their mom, and wife, would walk through the door and tell them it was all just a mistake. That nothing had happened and that she was fine.

That it was all just a terrible nightmare.

But that never happened.

The second stage of grief is anger. Now this was something the Mccord men in particular were good at.

A week after he had buried his wife, or in this case an empty casket, Henry sat downstairs in the study. All three kids were upstairs, and he found a picture of Elizabeth and him at the farm.

"We were supposed to grow old together." His thumb grazed the picture frame as he talked to the picture. "We were supposed to go to a nursing home together. Watch out kids grow up, spoil out grand kids."

Henry's anger was just below the surface. How could she have left him. _'I'll see you in a few days'._ That's what she had said. How could this have happened.

He didn't even get to say goodbye properly. It wasn't fair, none of this was fair. Why did it have to happen to them? They had devoted their entire lives to protecting this country.

Yet he couldn't even protect his wife. He was supposed to protect her. Be by her side no matter what. He should've been there or stopped her and maybe she would be here.

Henry smashed the picture against the wall and shielded himself from any glass that might bounce back.

His hand moved across his face as sobs wrecked his body and he stared at the picture in the now broken frame on the floor. "Nobody said I had to do this alone. I can't do this without you. Please come back to me."

As it turned out, Henry wasn't the only one who got stuck in stage two; anger. Jason had managed to get expelled from school after getting in a physical fight with one of his classmates.

Alison and Stevie had both managed to get through the anger stage and had moved on to the third.

Bargaining.

The third stage of grief is where one clings to an irrational hope even when the facts say otherwise.

Now though Henry was a religion professor, none of the kids had really been raising believing in a higher power. However, Stevie turned to religion when all else failed.

In a spur of the moment decision, she walked into a church and started praying.

"I don't really know how to do this. I've never done this before. I don't know the rules of this or anything but if there is a higher power, someone, anyone, please bring my mother back. I can't do this without her. I need her." She repeated the same few things for a few times until she figured she should go home. Why did she even bother?

Then again, no harm could be done in trying.

Luckily for Henry, both Jason and Stevie had gone through depression rather quickly and had moved on to the fifth stage, acceptance. They were still sad and mourning but things seemed to go better.

However, Alison hit the fourth stage of grief hard. She became sad, depressed, and after a while, Henry started to get worried. It had been seven months since Elizabeth had passed. He was lingering between depression and acceptance, but Alison was different.

She was barely eating, spending a lot of her time sleeping or in her room. She gave up on studying, though she read just enough to pass any exam she had to do.

Henry knew it wasn't uncommon to isolate yourself during this stage. To avoid discussing the trauma. It was a self-protective mechanism by which Alison tried the problem to 'cease to exist' if she didn't acknowledge it.

But Henry knew she had to talk about it.

After a long, agonizing talk, Henry convinced her to see someone and only a month later, things seemed to get better. By the time the entire family had moved into stage five, it had been a year.

An entire year of missing the love of his life. They managed but it was a major loss that was felt every day. He knew today marked one year and told his kids to stay home for the day.

It had been hard on everyone. Their mom had missed so much the past year and Henry had tried to be there as much as possible, but his work got in the way sometimes.

He was wearing Elizabeth's wedding ring as well on a chain around his neck. Almost always covered by his shirt but he knew it was there and he was glad a part of her was always with him.

He had accepted the death of his wife but hadn't moved on. He couldn't. Elizabeth was the love of his life and moving on felt like betraying her.

The kids seemed fine. Stevie and Jason handled it well although Alison had a harder time. She had the occasional late night break down but other than that they were doing alright.

Or as alright as they could be.

Two weeks later, the phone rang, and Henry picked it up.

"Hello?" He asked but was met by silence before the line went dead. He got a weird feeling but quickly brushed it off and went to work.

 **TBC**


	3. Chapter 3: caligo

**A/N: your kind reviews are overwhelming, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

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 **caligo:** (n.) darkness

A year. Elizabeth had been in here for a year. The first few days, weeks even, she had maintained the hope someone would find her. That seals would storm in and save her but with each day that passed, hope faded away. She now knew the entire world thought she was dead, including her family. The only way for her to get out, was by doing so herself.

A month passed, and another one.

Then there was the day everything changed. The day she had been hoping for, for over a year.

One morning a guard came in. Elizabeth didn't recognize him, so she wondered what was going on. She knew her captor only trusted three men, the three that always came in because no one else in the local government knew she was here.

"Are you alright?" The guard asked, and he looked at the chain around her ankle.

"Yes." Elizabeth said, wondering what was going on.

"I'm not allowed to be here, but I got lost and saw you last week. You're the American Secretary of State everyone thinks is dead, right?" Elizabeth flinched at his harsh words but nodded.

"Okay, listen. I'll get you out of here, okay? Just not now. I don't have the equipment." He told her and for a moment, a small flicker of hope settled in the pit of her stomach, again.

"Thank you." She said, hoping he was telling her the truth, and this wasn't some kind of mind game. "Before you leave, may I use your phone?" He hesitantly handed it to her and she dialed the familiar number. She could see him frantically looking around to see if someone was coming.

"Hello?" She heard on the other side and tears appeared in her eyes. She'd dreamed of hearing his voice so many times. Wished she could just talk to him one last time.

She also realized her mistake and hung up. She wasn't safe yet, she wasn't out of here and telling him she was alive would be a mistake. What if she died, what if she didn't make it home. She didn't want her family to grieve again and she didn't want Henry to think he'd given up on her so soon. She handed the phone back and the guard walked towards the door.

"Wait! What's your name?" Elizabeth asked.

"Agapito." He told her before slipping out. She rested her head and found the strength to hold on a little longer. She wanted to be with her family so badly.

Two days passed, and she wondered if he would return. If he would keep his promise but then she thought of a different scenario, what if he had been caught? Her captor would have him killed although he hadn't said anything to her about it.

She heard movement outside of the door and sat up straight. The door opened and Agapito entered, followed by two men, one of which Elizabeth knew as the country's Secretary of Defense.

"You came back." She said surprised, not realized she said it out loud.

"We had to wait because we don't want this to hit the news until you're on a plane to the US. He can't know we're doing this since we don't know yet who exactly is on _his_ side." The secretary of Defense told her, and the two men cut the lock off the ankle chain and helped her up.

Agapito handed her a jacket and supported her outside. She knew he was only holding her, so they could move quickly, but she would rather walk on her own. She let herself be guided through the maze of corridors and rooms before they opened the door and she was outside. She took a deep breath, welcoming the fresh air in her lungs. The light was harsh and bright, but she kept her eyes open to see the outside world. The moment was cut short when she was pushed into a car and the secretary of Defense sat behind the wheel.

"Keep her safe and I'll manage from here." Agapito told him and they drove off.

"Where are we going?" Elizabeth asked, still slightly scared it was all a trap and this was all a false sense of security.

"To the airport. We have a plane waiting to take you to the US although they don't know you're coming so you might want to call ahead once you're on board." He explained, and she nodded, too tired to ask more questions.

They reached the airport in no time and he stopped the car in front of the plane and turned around in his seat.

"No one can see you so put this over your head and I'll guide you inside the plane." He handed her his jacket and she doubted for a moment if she could trust him. Figuring she had no better option, she did as she was told, and he guided her up the stairs and into the plane. Once inside she was met by a woman and the pilot.

"This is my son, Anthony. You can trust him, and this is his wife Odette." Elizabeth smiled politely.

"Good to see you alive, ma'am and don't worry. We'll get you back home safely." Anthony told her before heading back into the cockpit.

"Take care." The secretary said and walked off.

"Thank you for helping me." Elizabeth told him, and he nodded before walked out. Odette guided her to a chair and strapped her in as she made her way over to the cockpit and took place next to Anthony.

Elizabeth felt anxious when they took off but as soon as she saw the city lights far below her, she started to relax. Odette returned from the cockpit and walked over to her.

"You lay down or sit?" She asked in broken English while pointing at the couch.

"I think sitting here is fine for the moment." Elizabeth replied, and she was handed a satellite phone.

"You call home so-" She started before yelling something to Anthony in a language she didn't understand.

"You need to call someone in the US, so they can inform people we're coming. I'd rather not get shot out of the sky." Anthony yelled back, and Elizabeth nodded.

"Thank you." She told Odette and she dialed the number. She decided against calling her house number in case the kids would answer and instead dialed Henry's mobile.

"Henry McCord?" He answered, and Elizabeth felt a tear roll down. How she had missed his voice.

"Hello?" Henry asked after a silence and Elizabeth knew she had to say something, or he would hang up.

"Henry." She sighed, followed by a sob and now there was a silence on the other end of the phone.

"No this isn't real." Henry said, and Elizabeth closed her eyes. She was met by the familiar dial tone and saw Henry had hung up. For a moment she felt hurt, but quickly called back.

"Elizabeth?" She heard him say hesitantly. The way he pronounced her name; like a plea but also a sigh.

"I'm here." She managed to get out.

"No, no you're dead, you're gone." Henry spoke and hearing the words come from her husband's mouth made her heart break.

"Henry, please." She begged. She needed him to know she was here, she was alive and that she was coming home.

She needed him.

"Where are you?" Henry asked desperate, so many questions going through his head right now.

"I'm coming home." Elizabeth told him, calming herself.

"When?"

"We land in about 12 hours. Henry, I need you to do something for me." Elizabeth told him. She figured she should get this out of the way first because if they talked for too long, she would be too emotional to ask for anything.

"Anything." He said, just wanting his wife back home.

"I need you to call the President and let him know we'll be landing in 12 hours. The plane is not registered but make sure we're allowed to land." She tried to keep her mind on the goal when all she wanted was to just talk to her husband about everything she missed.

"I- I can do that." Henry replied, and she heard rustling of papers and other noises.

"I missed you so much, Henry." She needed him to know.

"I missed you too. Just come home." Henry said, his voice cracking. He thought about what was happening and he pinched himself to see if it was all real. His mind wandered to the kids and he thought about how to tell them. "What do I tell the kids?"

She hadn't thought about that yet. She didn't want them to know before she was on American soil and actually safe, but she also didn't want to just show up on their doorstep.

"I don't know. When I land, tell them, I guess. I'll come to the house and it will give them a minute to process." Elizabeth told him, figuring it was the best option.

"Okay." Henry said, not wanting to hang up. He was on his way to the White House, but he knew he needed to call Russell Jackson.

"It's okay. I'll be home before you know it." Elizabeth said, knowing what Henry was thinking.

"Call me in about an hour, okay?" Henry asked.

"I promise." She said, and she waited for him to hang up. She couldn't do it.

He disconnected. She listened to the tone for a few more seconds before lowering the phone and staring out the window. She felt Anthony walk past her, but she didn't have the energy to see where he was going.

A water bottle, pre-packed sandwich and a bag of crisps were place on the table in front of her.

"I case you're hungry." Anthony told her, taking the seat opposite of her. "Do they know we're coming?"

"My husband is on his way to brief the president now. I'm going to call him in an hour or so to explain what exactly we need so we have a safe landing.

"That's great." Anthony smiled and got up.

"Wait." Elizabeth said with a desperate tone. She didn't want to be alone, but she also felt silly for asking him to stay. He sensed this and assured her.

"I was only grabbing something to eat for myself." He lied, he planned to go back to the cockpit. He grabbed a bag of crisps for himself and sat back down.

"Thank you for helping me." Elizabeth told him.

"We were planning in leaving the country anyways. It's not a place to raise a baby." Anthony said, and Elizabeth's eyes narrowed.

"She's pregnant?" She asked, and he nodded proudly. "Congratulations!" She told him.

"Thank you. We only found out a few weeks ago so it's still early."

"How far along is she?" Elizabeth asked, thankful for the happy distraction.

"Eighteen weeks." He told her, and it made sense that she hadn't noticed. Odette had been wearing a wide blouse.

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Elizabeth asked, and he nodded.

"We're having a boy." He told her, and she smiled. She couldn't help but think about Jason.

How much she missed his whining protests about everything involving politics.

"That's wonderful. He's going to have amazing parents." She told him.

"Thank you. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?" He asked her, and she nodded.

"The bathroom?" She asked, and he pointed at a door. She got up and realized how stiff she was. She opened the door and as she turned around, her eyes landed on the mirror. She was shocked to see herself, bags under her eyes. She'd gotten thinner, her hair had grown and was messy. Her eyes were red from both crying and exhaustion. She cleaned her face and fixed her hair. When she returned to her seat a few minutes later, she didn't find Anthony and she figured he'd gone back to the cockpit.

She sat back down and realized almost an hour had passed and she could call Henry again. Staring at the food in front of her and remembering the thin woman in the mirror, she realized how hungry she actually was. She opened the sandwich and finished it in no time before downing half the bottle of water. She forced herself to slow down because she didn't want to throw everything up again.

Not yet an hour had passed but she couldn't wait any longer. She needed to hear Henry's voice again, so she called him.

"Babe?" He answered, and her anxiety partly faded away upon hearing his voice.

"That would have been awkward if I hadn't called." She tried to lighten the mood and she was glad to hear a chuckle on the other side of the line.

"I'm in the White House, almost at a meeting room since no phones are allowed in the West Wing." Henry explained.

"I know I called early." She simply said.

"I'm glad to hear your voice." Henry told her, and she nodded, even though he couldn't see it. She heard doors open and voices in the background. She heard Russell asking what was so important and then the voice of the President what it was about.

"You're on speaker." He told her, and she was at a loss of words suddenly.

"Sir?" She just said, figuring they wouldn't be able to recognize her voice yet, so she continued. "It's Elizabeth McCord." She finished.

"Bess?" She heard Conrad ask and, in the background, she heard Russell sighing her name as well.

"Yes, I'm on my way back to the US." She told him.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" He asked her.

"I'm less than 11 hours from DC and I'm okay. I'm safe. Our plane just needs to be cleared for landing when we get there." Elizabeth explained.

"I can do that. Can you give me the pilot for a minute, I need to know the details of the plane?" He said, and Elizabeth got up and walked to the cockpit. She handed Anthony the phone, telling him it was the president.

"Sir?" Anthony said, and he talked for a little bit. Elizabeth didn't listen as she stared out the front window, looking over the clouds.

"Beautiful, right?" Odette asked, and she nodded.

"Peaceful." She replied as she continued to watch the sky. This was a welcome difference of scenery after being locked in for over twelve months.

"It's for you." Anthony said, and he handed the phone back.

"Yes?" She answered, and she sat back in her seat.

"You'll be cleared for landing when you get here." Conrad told her.

"Thank you." She answered.

"I'm glad to hear your voice, Bess."

"Likewise." She sighed, just wanting to be home already. A beeping noise caught her attention and she looked at the phone.

"I'm almost out of battery." She told them, wishing she could spend the next 11 hours on the phone with Henry.

"Alright, call us if you need anything." Conrad said.

"Okay." She replied, hoping Henry would say something before she hung up.

"Come home safe, okay?" Henry said, not caring the other two men were listening as well.

"I will." She smiled, glad to hear him before she hung up.

"We're cleared for landing." Elizabeth told Anthony and she was met with a thumbs-up.

She spotted a blanket and grabbed it before laying down on the couch. She was tired and allowed herself to close her eyes for a few minutes. Soon, she drifted off into a deep sleep, knowing she was safe.

She was awoken by the turbulence and slowly sat up. She felt rested, more energized and wondered how far they were out. She noticed Odette standing in the small kitchen area and saw her walking towards her.

"Here." She said, handing Elizabeth another pre-packed sandwich.

"Thank you. How far are we out?" She asked, hoping the woman would understand her. She held up three fingers and Elizabeth nodded. Three hours till she was home. Odette went back to the cockpit and Elizabeth saw her handing Anthony a sandwich too before they shared a kiss.

She ate as she stared out the window and tried to think of her family's reaction. She hoped they wouldn't be upset with her. It hadn't been her fault she had been taken but she did go to Iran without telling them, without telling her kids.

Lost in her thoughts, another hour passed. She tried to wait as long as she could, but she wanted to talk to Henry. There was still some battery left and she picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Hey." He answered.

"Hey." She replied.

"I was about to go home to talk to the kids. I was thinking maybe I could record you, so they would have something." Henry suggested, and Elizabeth knew he meant proof. Henry had stayed at the White House to coordinate things for his wife's safe return.

"Okay." She agreed, wanting to make it as comfortable as possible for their kids.

"It's recording." Henry said, holding his iPod next to his phone.

"Ehm hey guys. it's mom." She said awkwardly, not sure what to say. "I missed you guys so much but I'm coming home. I love you." She finished, trying to sound as little as possible like she was crying.

"Thank you." Henry said, and Elizabeth dried her tears.

"I just want to be home." She sighed.

"You will be soon."

"I-" She started but was cut off. The battery died, and she closed her eyes, wishing she could talk to Henry again.

"Babe?" He asked, and he sighed, knowing she had limited battery. He drove back home, wondering what he should tell the kids.

"Kids can you all come down for a minute?" Henry yelled as soon as he was home.

"I was in the middle of my game." Jason sighed as he walked down the stairs, followed by Stevie and Alison. They all sat down on the couch and Henry took out his iPod.

"I have to tell you something, it's about mom." He said, tears welling up in his eyes. The kids looked confused as their dad was both smiling and crying.

"What's going on?" Stevie asked.

"She's alive." Henry blurted out, but Stevie shook her head no, not wanting her to give her younger siblings hope.

"No, dad. She's gone." She told him, but he shook his head. He unlocked his iPod and played the recording.

 _Ehm hey guys. it's mom. I missed you guys so much but I'm coming home. I love you._

Her voice sounded through the speaker and both Alison and Stevie started crying upon hearing their mother's voice.

"I don't know what and how, but she is landing in less than 3 hours and then she'll come home." Henry explained.

"She's alive?" Jason asked, still not caught up on what exactly was going on.

"Yeah, she's coming home." Henry said, hugging all three kids tightly. They replayed the recording over and over, finding comfort in it until their mom was actually home.

"Ma'am, it's time for landing." Anthony said, and Elizabeth strapped in, excited to be on American soil again and excited to be with her family again.

It was a bit of a rocky landing, but they made it and Elizabeth unbuckled her belt.

"Welcome back to the United States, ma'am." Anthony told her while Odette opened the door. Elizabeth noticed it was slightly dark outside and walked down the stairs. Her legs were a bit shaky, but she made it. She looked around and her eyes landed on a pair waiting in from afar. She walked over to them and hugged Conrad.

"Welcome back Bess." He whispered, holding her tight. Even Russell gave her a hug which she gladly accepted.

"We've arranged for a car to take you home." Russell told her, guiding her to one of the cars. "I'm glad to see you're safe." Elizabeth smiled at the man who she used to have a love hate relationship with. They couldn't work together but they did great work together.

"Thank you." She said before the door closed and they drove off. She watched the city she called home pass by as she slowly started to recognize more and more. She knew she was close to home and suddenly felt anxious. She wanted nothing more than to be with her family, but things had changed.

"We're here ma'am." The driver told her, and another agent opened the door.

"Thank you." She told him before hurrying out and walking to her door. He held the door open for her and she heard footsteps coming closer.

 **TBC**


	4. Chapter 4: hiraeth

**A/N:** I know I said this last chapter but your reviews are sooo nice! Thank you, it really motivates me.

Also, any guesses as to who the person who took her is?

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 **hiraeth** : a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

The sight of her kids was enough for her to break down in tears.

"Mom," a soft rumbling voice said from the bottom of the stairs.

Knowing that voice in her sleep, Elizabeth smiled, and her eyes widened almost comically as she took in the sigh of her son.

"Jason." Her eyes flickered towards the kitchen for a brief moment where she found her other two kids, and then towards her husband who just stared at her like she might as well be a ghost and he couldn't believe that she was standing in front of him at this moment.

For a moment, Elizabeth said nothing and did nothing, and that's when Jason took the first step towards his mother. His mother took a deep breath, and then slowly she stepped towards her family.

"What happened?" He wasn't yet ready, he needed some sort of explanation. He swallowed as he said this, and she saw something like fear flicker across his face.

"It doesn't matter." She insisted because she didn't want to talk to her kids about the nightmare that she had somehow managed to live through for over a year. They didn't need to know how broken she had been. Only that she was alive and finally home.

"You were just gone." Alison whispered, her words thick and broken, "We thought you were dead."

"Oh, noodle, I'm right here." She took a hesitant step towards her kids and saw the way they reached for her. Their arms around her made the last year disappear in a flash and the pain she felt became irrelevant because she was holding her kids again. She was finally complete, and it made everything absolutely right in the world. Nothing meant more to her than that.

She felt emotions overwhelming her and a movement caught her eyes. She froze when she saw Henry watching them. The kids noticed too and pulled back, giving their parents some space. Elizabeth took a step forward and Henry quickly moved to stand in front of her. He held up his hand as if scared to touch her and find out it wasn't real.

So many times, had he dreamed she was here. That he would wake up and he would find her next to him.

He gently placed his hand on the side of his wife's face and felt her lean into his touch. Letting out a sob, he realized it was real this time. She was really here.

He took a moment to look at her. She was wearing flip-flops, leggings and an over-sized windbreaker. Her hair was longer, and she looked tired. A sigh of relief left his mouth when he finally pulled her in a hug.

She felt his strong arms around her and was pulled into a tight grip. Taking in his scent, she broke down in tears. The amount of times she had dreamed of this moment made it almost unreal. She worried she was about to wake up and find out it was all a dream, so she gripped his shirt tighter. She was completely consumed by his size and strength and it was something like heaven to her.

She held on tighter even though her head was starting to spin, and she figured she was close to passing out from the overwhelming nature of everything. She wouldn't, though, because that would mean surrendering his touch. It would mean having to let go of the embrace.

The kids gave their parents a moment before joining the hug. They all wanted, and needed, to be reassured their mother was back.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Henry pulled away. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say. He didn't know what she needed. He watched her hug each of their kids individually and then dried her tears.

"I missed you guys, so much." She smiled.

"We missed you too mom." Stevie said, "but we should get you to a hospital."

"I'm fine. I just want stay home." She whined with a sigh and Henry smiled. He had missed her stubbornness, but he also knew she needed to get checked out. Hesitantly, she left the house only a little while after entering it.

The car was still there, and she figured they were under strict orders from the president to get her to the hospital. She looked around almost panic like when she didn't see her kids. She was reassured when they climbed in after her. Sitting between Henry and Alison, she held both their hands.

After reassurance from her family, she finally allowed herself to get taken by doctors. They promised to sit in the waiting room until she was finished. After about an hour, she was wheeled into a room and not soon after her doctor returned.

"Ma'am, first of all it is so good to see you." He told her, and she returned a watery smile. She just wanted him to tell what was going on, so her family could come in. "Would you like me to call your husband in for this?"

She didn't want him to know what she went through. At least, not yet. He deserved to know what had happened, but maybe she could leave out some of the details. To protect him from the hurt and guilt she was certain he would be, and already was, feeling.

"No, not yet."

"Alright. Well, you're dehydrated, and you've have lost a lot of weight. We found some old, and new, bruising and scarring, but nothing that won't heal and fade over time. The bruising and swelling around your ankle will heal, but we would like to give you antibiotics just in case of an infection. We located a few previously broken ribs, were you aware of that?"

Elizabeth shivered as she remembered her trouble breathing and flashes of what happened ran across her eyes. "Yeah, I kinda figured."

"From the looks of it, it hasn't had much time to heal so I would like you to take it easy. We found a slight, hair fracture in your right shoulder bone, but if you take it easy and keep weight off that arm it should heal by itself. If it does start to hurt, you can come back, and we will do something about it." He smiled as he waited for her to speak.

"So, can I go home?" She was aware it was evening and knew it would be her luck to have to stay overnight.

"We would like to keep you here for observation, but if you eat in the morning, we might be able to release you."

"Thank you, doctor."

"I will tell your family they can come in." He walked out, and she was left alone with her thoughts. It was finally real. She was back with her family and all the things that had happened before didn't matter anymore. A tear slipped down her cheek just as her family walked through the door. Her kids rushed to her side and pulled her in a hug once again.

Her husband was standing, hopelessly, next to her bed. Grabbing his hand, she pulled his closer. Her hands found his face and their forehead touched. She wasn't ready to kiss him, at least not yet.

They had never needed words to communicate and this time wasn't any different. He knew what she meant, that she wasn't ready. His lips moved to her forehead and brushed a soft kiss on there.

"What did I miss?" She watched her kids start to talk about their lives. How Jason had joined the football team, how Alison had gone off to college and how Stevie had started an internship at Russel Jackson's office. She could barely register what they said because she felt her eyelids starting to get heavy.

She didn't want to sleep.

She was afraid to do so because entirely too much of her fractured mind believed that this was one of the hallucinations that she had comforted herself with during the past year of captivity. She was terrified that if she closed her eyes and allowed the world to sweep away from her for a few hours, she would wake up alone and broken, back where she was.

Unfortunately, she wasn't as strong as she had been before, and the emotional strain of the day had snapped whatever energy she had. Reluctantly, she allowed herself to close her eyes and rest for a few minutes. Minutes that ended up being hours.

Waking up in panic, she looked around to find her husband. "Henry, Henry?"

Her body was aching terribly, but the familiar face that she saw made her forget all about it in a matter of seconds.

"I'm here, it's okay." He grabbed her hand and started rubbing circles with his thumb, calming her down. "You're safe."

She couldn't stop the tears from prickling her eyes, but she tried her best to hold them back. "You know how many nights I- I dreamed that I would wake up and you'd be right beside me, but then I'd open my eyes and you weren't there."

His heart broke at his wife's confession. His hand moved to stroke her hair and he made her a promise. "I'm here. You're not dreaming this and I'm never leaving you again."

His gently fingers wiped away a tear that finally spilled. She looked away from her husband and panic settled in the pit of her stomach when she didn't find her kids anywhere in sight.

"Stevie took them home after a lot of convincing. They will be here again at eight." She closed her eyes, letting the panic pass. Her hand was still intertwined with Henry's and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she said. There were streaks of pain running though her, but she did feel better. She was reunited with her family and that made all the pain worth it.

She glanced around and wondered when it had been uncomfortable for the two of them to be in the same room.

Even if they didn't talk, their presence would always be enough for one another, but now there was this awkward tension between them. Part of her wondered if he felt it too. They shared a smile and her eyes suddenly went quite fierce and determined.

"I'm not afraid to be in the same room as you."

"I just don't know what's okay. What he did to you." He said with an almost disgusted, but sad shake of his head. They both knew where his thoughts went, and she had to stop them before he started to think of the worst.

"Stop." She breathed, "I love you."

It was the first time she had said it since her return and it felt oddly familiar. It still slipped off her tongue just as easily as before and she was glad at least that hadn't changed.

"I love you too."

And then she lifted her hand up, pausing it midair for a beat and then placed it on Henry's cheek, just holding it there for a moment. Without losing eye contact, she leaned closer. He let her take the lead, do things on her terms. She closed her eyes as her lips brushed against his.

She felt him kiss back and memories flooded her mind. She snapped back, ignoring the flash of hurt in his eyes.

She hated this.

She hated not being able to be with her husband, kiss the person she loved so dearly.

"I've got all the time in the world for you." He whispered, his voice trembling a bit. He kissed her knuckles and she gave him a watery smile.

 **TBC**


	5. Chapter 5: forelsket

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter! They keep me motivated to write.**

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 **Forelsket:** (n.) the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.

A knock interrupted them, and he noticed her entire face light up as their kids walked back in. They each hugged their mother and looked at their dad.

"Mom can go home after she has breakfast."

Stevie grabbed her sister's hand and they rushed to the door. "We will find you breakfast, mom."

Jason's eyes never left his mom as if to determine how much pain she was in. There was no wince as she moved, and he took it as a good sign. His hand grabbed his mother's and felt her fingers tighten around his. They slipped between them to tighten the grasp and he finally looked her in the eyes.

"I'm okay, slugger." Tears glistered in his eyes as he heard his mother say his nickname. He hadn't heard it for over a year and it was a nice reminder his mother was really back.

"Are you sure?" Jason asked, unable to disguise his doubts.

"I'm back home with my family." He knew she avoided answering his question, but let it go. She had enough to worry about at the moment. He has a feeling that there would be plenty of conversations to come about what his mother had gone through.

"A lovely breakfast for two." Stevie said as she walked in again, holding the door open for Alison. The youngest of the pair was balancing a tray with food for both their parents. They knew her dad hadn't left her mom's side and skipped dinner last night.

Silence fell as they watched their parents eat. Alison closed her eyes, and though part of her didn't want to do it in front of her mother, she let a few tears she had been holding back fall. When she opened them, she found her mother's arms stretched out towards her, motioning for her to come. She sighed as she sat beside her and let herself break down in her mother's arms.

"It's okay." The soft, gentle tone of her mother soothed her, and she slowly calmed down. Once she pulled back, she found her mother staring at her with worry, her eyes showing the deep exhaustion of the past couple of months.

"Just a day ago, who would have thought that we would all be together like this." Alison tried to lighten the mood and returned to sit next to her sister. She was grateful when Stevie put her arm around her for comfort.

"We're alive, we're together and right now I just want to go home." She looked at the food she had barely touched. She knew she wouldn't be allowed home until she ate everything, but she just couldn't eat anything. At least not until she was back home.

Jason shared a look with his siblings and they moved to stand beside her bed. Her eyes flickered to her husband in confusion, but he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Promise you will eat when we get home?" She nodded and awaited what her kids had in mind. They each picked up a part of breakfast and ate it. Before Henry could even start to protest and tell them their mom had to eat, most of breakfast was already gone.

She ate the last few pieces of fruit on her plate with much effort. Henry frowned at this but chose to let it go for the moment- not wanting to bring it up with their kids around.

"Why don't you guys find mom a doctor that can release her." Henry suggested, and all three kids got the hint. They left their parents alone for a moment.

"Are you sure you're ready to leave?"

It was the heartbreaking sadness and loneliness within her that allowed her to open up to her husband. With near panic in her voice, she told him what was bothering her. "I can't stay here, Henry. I spent more than a year locked up. I want to be free to go and not be stuck in a hospital room."

"I get it." Henry told her with a short nod of understanding. "but promise you take it slow. Your doctor didn't want to tell me the details, but he did mention you needed your rest."

"I promise."

Her kids returned with the doctor and she signed the release papers. When the nurse wheeled a wheelchair in the room, she sighed. She knew it was hospital regulations, but that didn't mean she liked it. Reluctantly, she let Henry help her sit down and he wheeled her out of the room.

What surprised her were the two agents following them closely. She was aware a year had passed, and a new Secretary of State had been appointed.

Stevie seemed to notice the confusion and cleared it up. "There is an army of media outside, so we can use another exit."

She nodded and continued to look straight ahead.

As they waited for the elevator, she felt Henry lightly place a hand on her shoulder. The gentle contact warm and soothing in a way that made her heart flutter. She smiled and then lifted a hand. She placed it over Henry's, letting their fingers touch.

The ride home was quick, and she now noticed the media swarming their street as well. She was glad they weren't near the house. Her family and the two agents formed a shield around her as she walked into the house once again.

"Let's get you in bed." Henry already guided her to the stairs, but she held up a hand in protest.

"The couch, please?" The pleading look she gave her husband was one she knew he wouldn't be able to resist. She just wanted to be around her family. Watch them move around the house and get her sense of normalcy back.

If even she could.

After over a year, she didn't even know what that meant anymore. What she did know was that she needed her family close.

Her body fatigued and sore and her head pounding slightly, she thought nothing of these things as she collapsed on the couch. Henry draped a blanket over her and Alison quickly took a seat next to her mother. Jason did the same, only he took place on the floor next to his mother.

She was finally home.

The Mccord house was finally at full capacity again. Everyone was home and that was the way they all liked it.

Elizabeth was aware her children needed a constant reminder that she was home. Alison refused to leave her side and Stevie and Jason came in every now and then to see if she needed anything.

Henry, on the other hand, had mastered the art of avoiding her. She knew it wasn't anything to take personal, but she still wondered if it was something she needed to worry about.

He had lived for a over year without her. He had moved on- She caught her thoughts for a moment. What if he had actually moved on? He had been under the assumption that his wife was dead. What if he had started seeing other women? Was he dating? The thoughts caused her to go crazy and she sighed as she swung her legs on the ground.

"What are you doing?" Alison asked worried. Her mother was supposed to rest, not walk around.

"I need to talk to your dad." She tried to push herself up and afterwards, needed the couch for stability. She waited for the dizziness to pass and ignored the worried stare from her youngest daughter. Slowly, she made her way through the house and found her husband in the office.

"What are you doing up?" He shot up and part of her wished they would all stop fussing over her. She knew they meant well, but she was still capable of doing things by herself.

"Since you're avoiding me, I figured I would come and find you." She collapsed on the chair in the office and Henry kneeled beside her. He kept his mouth shut because he couldn't lie to her. He had been avoiding her and he had hoped she wouldn't notice. "I know it's been a year and if you've moved on, I understand."

The tears that the words brought to her own eyes matched the ones she found in her husband's eyes. She closed her eyes for this had been the worst thing that she could have imagined. He had moved on and she didn't blame him, yet still it hurt.

"How could you ever think I could move on from you?" His hands grasped hers and her eyes opened again. His hand left hers and he showed her the chain from around his neck. He took it off and placed it in her hand before closing it with his own. "You're the love of my life and if I can't be with you, I won't be with anyone."

She opened her hand and found her wedding ring on the chain. She felt a tear roll down again and looked up at her husband, lovingly.

"What is it?" He asked worried and she allowed a flashback to fill her mind for a moment.

 _The second time she woke up after being taken, she once again tried to listen if anyone was around but was met by silence. She dared to open her eyes and found she was alone in a bedroom. She scanned herself for any injuries and saw a cut on her right hand and a chain around her ankle. Her arms where free and she guessed she was allowed to go as far as the chain let her, which from the looks of it wasn't more than two or three meters to a side._

 _For a moment her thoughts wandered back home. Henry had warned her not to go and look where she now was, half way around the world kidnapped by a psychopath who also happens to be a world leader._

 _Elizabeth had a habit of touching her wedding ring when she missed the comfort of home or just needed to feel close to her family. When she touched her finger, she found no ring and she quickly looked around to see if she had dropped it. Tears sprung to her eyes as the entire thing became too overwhelming._

 _She had lost it. The one thing that could bring her any kind of comfort. The thing she had worn with much pride for over two decades. She fiddled with the now empty spot of her finger, but it wasn't the same._

 _She just wanted to go home, to go back to her husband and be with her kids. She never should have gone to Iran, and the result was this._

Henry's hand on her leg brought her back to reality and she realized she had zoned out for a moment. With tears in her eyes, she cupped his cheek.

"I thought I lost it."

He took it off the chain and grabbed her left hand. As he put it on her finger, he realized it no longer fitted due to his wife's weight loss. It was another reminder things had changed. He put it back on the chain again and put it around her neck, leaving his arms to gently rest on her shoulders.

She moved forwards and put her head against his, foreheads touching like before. She moved a bit more towards him and pressed her lips against his. She knew she was pushing herself, but she wouldn't let anything else get taken from them. She had missed out on a year of her family's life, she was about to let him take this from her as well.

Henry refrained himself from kissing her back this time, hoping she would be more comfortable. When she pulled back a little and he felt wet cheeks against his face, he realized she was crying. It broke his heart to see his wife in so much pain and he wished he could take it from her.

"But Henry, it's been a year and I was just thinking-"

"Stop thinking, stop thinking about thinking. Don't think about it. You hung in there and here you are. You made your way back to us. It's over."

The fact that she still wasn't convinced he didn't move on from her, felt almost unbearable to watch. He needed her to know she was the only one he wanted. Ever.

She threw her arms around him and found herself back in his strong embrace. The soothing sounds he whispered in her ear calmed her down and she found herself being able to relax in his arms. She had missed him and their kids so much, no words could even describe it.

"I swear I'm going to try harder. I know now what it's like without you and I almost checked it in without you. If it weren't for the kids, I would've. I can't do it without you, Elizabeth."

"I can't do it without you."

He helped her up and guided her back to the couch where they found Alison still in the same place. They knew their kids were all coping differently, and Alison just needed to stay close to her mother.

"Why don't you make your mom something to eat." Henry suggested as he watched his wife collapse on the couch again. She seemed to have very little energy and he knew she skipped breakfast.

Alison, though, had a frown stretched across her forehead as she continued to study her mother carefully, like she thought that if she just looked hard enough she would understand everything that had happened to her, and then knew exactly how to make her better. How to make her strong and fearless again.

"Noodle?"

"Yeah." Her eyebrow lifted, and her mouth opened, and he knew that she was about to argue, but then with a loud sigh she got up and headed towards the kitchen to gather her siblings and make lunch.

With an undignified thumb, Henry dropped on the couch, sitting in the exact same place that Alison had been all day.

"Babe, the FBI will be coming by later today. Are you up to answer their questions?" His hand stroked the legs she had now placed in his lap. The small nod was enough to tell him that, though she wasn't ready, she wanted to get it over with.

"Will you stay with me?" The plead was soft and gentle but told him she was scared to go at it alone. Not that he was about to let her.

"I'm not going anywhere." He promised as he squeezed her hand softly. A smile involuntarily spread across her lips. How had she gotten so lucky?

Only two days ago, she had been in captivity. Unsure of when, or even if, she would ever see her family again. Never did she imagine at that time, that two days later she would be back home surrounded by the people she loved so dearly.

 **TBC**


	6. Chapter 6: nefelibata

**Sorry I** ' **m late! I just got a new laptop and needed to set everything up. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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 **nefelibata:** one who lives in the clouds of their own imagination; an unconventional person.

"Lunch is ready." Stevie's cheerful voice cut through the silence as she walked in followed by her two siblings. Elizabeth could see they had gone all out with the food, making sure she could choose whatever she felt like eating.

"Are we feeding an entire army?" Henry watched their three kids set down the different kinds of food. It was way too much for them all to eat, but then again it was sweet to see how they cared for their mother.

"Just for that, you're not getting a muffin." Alison snatched the pastry from his plate and set it on her mother's. Their kids sat on the ground near the couch as they started eating.

Slowly, Elizabeth took a small bite. She wasn't hungry, but she knew she had to eat. Especially since her kids had put so much effort in making it for her. She enjoyed watching her family interact and when she thought of how much she missed this, it brought tears to her eyes. She didn't let them spill, though. She had done more than enough crying for a while.

Stevie noticed her mother's exhaustion, and her dad's worry for her. She knew he was worried sick about her; she could see it in the way his forehead creased as he sat down next to her on the couch, and she saw it in the almost gentle way his hand rubbed her legs.

"We can make you something else, mom." She said, like she was amazed she could say the word again. Have the word have its meaning back.

"No, baby. This is perfect." She took another bite, not because she wanted to but for the sake of her children.

"They came out with a new season of Gilmore Girls." Alison started a light conversation with her mother. Anything to keep her mind of the terrible reality that was.

"Since I don't think your dad is letting me off the couch unless it is to go to bed, I feel marathon coming up." She was thankful for the distraction and for a moment it felt like nothing had changed. Like she hadn't been gone for a year. That she hadn't missed out on so many months of her family's life.

By the end of lunch, she had barely eaten half her plate, but Henry was glad she had eaten something. He knew it would take time for her, but at least this was a step in the right direction.

The sound of the phone caused her to jump a little. She was quickly eased by Henry's hand on her leg and she tried to mask her wince from the kids. Though they surely noticed, they didn't say anything.

"Agent Shaw is here." Henry ordered the kids to go upstairs after he put down the phone and she was too exhausted to get up, so Henry guided the two agents to the couch she was sitting at.

"Ma'am, it's wonderful to see you." He told her, and she replied by giving him a small smile. "This is agent Walker. Are you up for answering some questions?"

"Yeah, but I want Henry here." She stated her term and both agents seemed to be fine with that. Agent Walker flipped open a notepad while Agent Shaw started the questioning.

"Do you remember how you got to to the country?"

"By plane." Her thoughts wandered back to when she first woke up after being taken.

 _She woke up with major headache as memories of what happened flooded her mind. Her hearing was the first thing to return and she tried to lay still, not notifying anyone she was conscious. She heard people talking but it wasn't in Arabic. She tensed as she felt the ground slightly shaking and she slowly opened her eyes, trying to get a peek of her surroundings. She noticed she was in some sort of office, on the ground but what caught her eye were the little windows on the side._

 _An airplane._

 _She closed her eyes again, needing to process this information. She wondered where they were taking her. To get her mind off the fact that she was being kidnapped and flown somewhere else, she tried to move her arms and legs. She found her legs were free to move but her left wrist was cuffed to a hook on the ground._

 _The sound of the handcuffs had alerted people she was awake, and she cursed herself for not being more careful. She was an ex-spy, she should have known better. One of the men yelled something and a door opened. She kept her eyes close, hoping to create a facade where they thought she was still asleep._

 _"Hey." A stern voice said, and she felt a light nudge in her side, probably where he was poking her with his feet. She slowly opened her eyes and she heard people move around. A hand came towards her face but not before she saw who's hand it was. She struggled as the chloroform spread in her system again and she passed out. The last thing she saw, being the face of her captor._

"Do you know the person, or group responsible for what happened?"

"Yes. The President of the Philippines." A face she wouldn't forget any time soon.

"Did you share any classified information while in captivity?"

"No," She sighed, grabbing Henry's hand for support. "It wasn't like that. He wasn't interested in that."

"Do you know the reason you were taken?"

"A couple of months before I was taken, I had a meeting with him." At the time, she didn't want it made public, but now she didn't care anymore. The world should have to see him for what he really is. "He groped me and in return I broke his nose. We managed to keep it out of the story, saying he broke his nose while sparring."

"You assume this was payback?"

"Not assume. He told me." Another flashback filled her mind and she allowed it to take over for a moment.

 _When she heard the click of the lock, she quickly got up and waited for someone to enter. A young woman entered with a tray and put it down on her bed._

 _"Where is Andrada?" Elizabeth asked but she could sense the women had been sworn to silence. "Why am I here?"_

 _She knew it would be in vain and the woman walked towards the door again._

 _"What does he want from the United States?" But she didn't reply and walked back out. Elizabeth heard the lock click again and she sat down on the bed. She looked at the tray of food and realized she was actually quite hungry._

 _After her meal, she walked around and tried to find a way out. She had no idea what time it was and how long she'd been searching but she was exhausted, so she sat back on the bed. The chain was heavy around her ankle and it started to hurt._

 _When the door finally opened again, it revealed president Andrada._

 _"Elizabeth." His smug smiled caused a shiver to go down her spine._

 _"This is an act of war." She hissed out. Though she was aware he had flown her to the other side of the world, she knew they wouldn't stop looking for her._

 _"No. You see, Iran has a problem with the United States, not me. Your president and your country all think the Iranians killed you." Her mind couldn't yet comprehend what he was telling her. How could they think she was dead?_

 _"Why am I here?"_

 _"You denied me last time we met, and I did not like it very much. I always get what I want." With those words he left her alone in the room again and she didn't see him for a few days._

"Did the Iranians make a deal with president Andrada?"

"Not that I'm aware. I never even met with minister Giovanni. We were ambushed." Her mind started to get foggy and she hoped they were done soon. She didn't want to talk about it anymore. She just wanted to be with her family and rebuild her life. Move forward.

"We know the minister of Defense of the Philippines helped you escape. How many of Andrada's men knew you were alive?"

"Four men and one woman." She tried her best to think of their names and an almost pained expression flashed across her face. "The woman's name was Darna and I believe two of the men were called Patrick and Jomar."

"I think that's enough for today." Henry cut in and agent Shaw nodded understandingly. They said their goodbyes and Henry showed them to the door.

As soon as her kids heard the front door, they rushed downstairs to be with their mother. Henry had barely made it back to his wife and he smiled at the sight of his family reunited. The way it was supposed to be.

"Henry, I want to take a shower." She stated simply and without asking for it, she needed his help. He nodded and watched her slowly rise from the couch. He wanted nothing more than to help her, but he also knew how stubborn she was. If she needed it, she would ask.

She was aware all three kids watched as she slowly headed towards the stairs that lead up to their bedroom. It hurt to walk up them, but she had been weak enough in front of her kids for today. Passing by her kids' rooms, she finally reached their bedroom.

She looked around the familiar room from the doorway. Nothing had changed yet, though it felt different. Her side of the bed, including her nightstand was empty except for her reading glasses.

That's when her eyes landed on her dresser. Previously filled with jewelry, perfume and makeup, it now stored three candles and two pictures. It was a picture of her and one of their family. She felt Henry's hands on her shoulders, but she shook them off as she stepped closer.

"It that-?" She couldn't finish her sentence and didn't really expect an answer from her husband. She had forgotten about their side of it all. The loss, the pain, the mourning, the funeral.

Tears rolled down when she realized her kids had gone to her funeral. They had grieved for over a year and finally accepted their mother was gone, only to have her return again. She reached the dressed and carefully picked up the picture of her with her family.

Suddenly, everything became too much, and her legs buckled beneath her. Two strong arms slowly lowered her to the ground before she fell down and she sobbed as she held on to his shirt. She couldn't imagine what her family had been through; her kids had been through her past year.

"I'm sorry." Her sobs were heart wrenching and caused Henry to hold her even tighter than before.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He whispered, and she gathered herself. He helped her up and she sat the picture back on her dressed.

"Can you please get rid of the candles?" She didn't want the reminder there. The reminder that this is where her family had mourned. Where her husband had mourned the loss of his wife.

"I promise." He guided her to the bathroom and she looked around. Only one toothbrush, only his shampoo and just his stuff. "I can get the girl's shampoo, so you won't have to use mine."

"I like the way it smells." She whispered as she turned around to face him. "It reminds me of home."

"Do you want me to help you?"

She didn't want him to help her, but she doubted she had any choice. She couldn't exactly ask her kids to help her out. She just didn't want him to see her like this. There were still bruises visible and she wasn't quite ready for him to see them.

Henry sensed his wife's uncomfortableness and touched her arm gently. "I will only look into your beautiful eyes."

Their eyes locked and he slowly started to pull up her shirt, without breaking eye contact. Next, she stepped out of her leggings while holding onto him.

Unclasping her bra, she didn't drop it. She was now standing in front of her husband in her underwear and she felt awfully exposed and vulnerable. Something she shouldn't feel. He figured she could do the rest herself, he turned around without once glancing down at her body.

He wanted nothing more than to see her. Understand what had happened, but he knew it would be on her terms. When she was ready. He would respect that, even if it took all the self-restraint he had.

When half an hour later, a freshly showered and dressed Elizabeth finally emerged from the bathroom, he saw she was dressed in his bathrobe. Though she was mostly covered, he still noticed her bruised and swollen ankle. Swallowing hard, his eyes snapped up to his wife.

While she was showering, he called up Stevie to pick out some of her mother's clothes from the boxes in the basement. They had stored most of her stuff there, not being able to throw it away. People had told him to stop hanging on to it, but it had been nice reminder of her.

He handed her some sweat pants and a sweater. Following the same ritual as before, he helped her get dressed without breaking eye contact.

Henry had picked up Alison's hair brush and he sat her down on the edge of the bed. He sat behind her on his knees and started brushing out the knots gently.

The soft and smooth movements made Elizabeth realize how tired she actually was. The past couple of days had been tiring and exhausting. She leaned backwards against Henry's chest with her eyes closed and he stopped brushing as he kissed the top of her head.

He guided her to lay down on the bed and she purposely lay on his side of the bed. With her eyes closed, she took a deep breath and took in the scent of the pillow. Henry lay on her side of the bed, one arm supporting his head. She pulled up the blanket and grabbed his hand. With her eyes closed, she needed a reminder he was here.

"Stay with me."

"No place I'd rather be."

 _Her side hurt, her arm hurt, her entire body was aching._

 _The chain was putting constant pressure on her injured ankle and the rattling sound of the chain was starting to drive her crazy._

 _She started to wonder what would happened if she didn't get out._

 _Her would grow old without her. He would find someone else and move on. He would live his life and forget about her._

 _Her kids would grow up. She wouldn't get to take Alison or Jason to college. She wouldn't get to meet their future partners or be at their wedding. She wouldn't get to meet her grand kids and spoil them. No more birthdays, Christmas's or thanksgivings together._

 _She would give anything for another day with her kids, but she was starting to wonder if she would ever get one._

She woke up with a gasp and found Henry beside her, calming her down. She lay back down in the pillows and felt his hand brushing through her hair.

"Am I dreaming?"

"I think I was going to ask you the same question."

"I'm finally feeling better, now that I'm back in bed with you and that this isn't a dream and I'm not- I'm finally home." She turned and lay her head down on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat reassuring her that she was indeed home.

"So, is that why you were snoring so loud then." He teased. It was the first time in a year he heard her laugh and the sound it warmed his heart.

"I do not snore." She gave him a playful nudge in his side and he smiled. His arms wrapped around her and he was glad she was back in his arms again.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Not that long. The kids started making dinner a little while ago, do you want to go downstairs?" She untangled herself from his arms, much to both their dismay.

Rising slowly from the bed, she winced as a sharp wave of pain echoed from her chest to her shoulders. She had gotten used to the bruised ribs and other pain, but there were days when the agony was so intense and raw that she just wanted to lay curled up in a tight ball, her eyes closed against the hurt.

She wouldn't allow it to happen today, though; she wouldn't risk being found by her kids like that.

So instead, she took a deep breath, and willed the pain back into submission. Her legs trembled and for a moment she was worried her legs might buckle beneath her, but they held.

Her head was hammering, but she could deal with it and control her face. Her kids deserved to see the mother they missed, not the broken mess she had become over the past year.

She grabbed a hold of Henry and he helped her down the stairs. She smiled at the sight of all three kids in the kitchen, trying to make dinner. Stevie was stirring the pan, while Jason was reading from a recipe and Alison snatched it from his hands when he clearly instructed the wrong things.

"Mom!" Stevie smiled happily when she found both parents coming down. "Just in time for dinner."

"We tried to make your favorite, kung pao chicken, but someone has been reading the recipe wrong." Alison glared at her brother and Elizabeth chuckled.

"I'm sure it's still good. Thank you, guys." She collapsed on one of the chairs at the breakfast table. Not wanting to put their mother through the effort of walking to the dining table, Jason and Alison set the breakfast table for dinner.

"Last night is kind of a blur so tell me what I missed this last year." Elizabeth told her kids as they all sat down to have dinner. She remembered something about Jason joining the football team, and Alison had told her this morning all about how she was in Rafferty.

She was sad she hadn't been able to bring her to college. That she had missed out on that.

"I took the LSAT and I'm planning to go to law school, but for now I have an internship with Russell Jackson."

"How's that working out for you?" She was aware the man wasn't the easiest to work with. She had spent a lot of time fighting with the guy. Somehow, they never managed to see eye-to-eye.

"It's great, actually. I know he has his flaws, but I'm enjoying it." Her mind finally caught up with her as she replayed her daughter's previous words. Law school? Last year, Stevie had dropped out of college and now she was applying for law school.

"You are going back to school?"

Her daughter looked down at her plate, almost ashamed and she shared a worried look with her husband. She didn't want her daughter to think she was making fun of her. The opposite, actually. She was impressed by her choice. Impressed and surprised.

"I just- I wanted to make you proud, mom." The brutal honesty caused Elizabeth to drop her fork on her plate and give her daughter a pleading look.

"Stevie, I was- I am so proud of you. You don't have to go to law school for me. All that matters to me is that's you're happy."

"I am, now."

She listened to Jason telling her about his football team and every now and then, she would eat a bit. This was probably the longest they had ever spent eating dinner, and though the rest of the family was long done, Elizabeth continued eating as she listened to her kids.

She was surprised to find her plate empty by the end of Jason's story and it earned a proud smile from her husband. Eating made her feel stronger, but it also made her realize she was still exhausted.

A yawn made Henry interrupt Alison's story about the latest fashion trends. "You're going back up to bed."

She sighed but she was also tired. She hugged each of her kids tightly and promised them she would still be here in the morning.

"I love you." She told them, and she got three 'love you's' in return. She let Henry help her up the stairs and guide her to the bathroom. She felt too tired to stand, so she sat down on the edge of the bathtub as she waited for Henry to get a new toothbrush from the packaging.

She hadn't noticed it before, but now saw it clearly. His hands were shaking, and he could barely even hold the plastic in his hand.

"You okay there, professor?" She teased, and he sighed. He took a seat next to her and made sure their shoulders touched, the comforting feeling being what he needed as he managed to open the packaging.

"I missed you, so much."

She rested her head on his shoulder and grabbed his hands in hers. So much had changed, but she refused to let their relationship change even more. From now on, if things changed it would be only for the better.

"I should've never gotten on that plane." She looked so sad and desperate.

And so terribly broken.

Like all of her mismatched pieces, the ones Henry had been trying so hard to put together again since her return, were all just shattering and crumbling again.

"Babe," Henry said, his voice softening. "This isn't your fault."

"But it is," She snapped back, tears on her face, and then slide down onto her sweater. Before Henry could wrap her in his arms, reassure her that she did nothing wrong, she painfully rose from her seat at the edge of the bathtub and started brushing her teeth.

It took all the strength she had left to keep herself upright and she was glad when she could finally lay down in the bed again. Henry guided her to her side of the bed, but she stopped. Once again there was no need for her to tell him what she needed. He could sense it and watched her slip under the covers on his side of the bed. He lay down next to her and for a moment it was just the two of them, staring into each other's eyes.

"Don't move." She whispered, and he didn't. He watched her move closer and was surprised to find her lips on his. Not knowing what she went through, was probably the most painful thing for him. He wanted to help her in all the ways he knew how to, but he wasn't sure what she needed.

He wanted to kiss her, hold her and be close to her, but he could sense that whatever happened, created a distance between them. She wouldn't allow too much intimate contact from him and he couldn't stop his thoughts from traveling to some dark places.

The kiss lasted for only a second and she pulled away. It was clearly too much, but she would be dammed if she didn't try. If she didn't fight for her relationship with Henry. Her eyelids drooped down low, the darkness and pain slipping towards her before dragging her down.

Henry was tired and worn down. The past forty-eight hours had drained him. One glance at his wife and he knew it would be a long road from here. But at least she was back. It wasn't going to be easy, but it could have been much worse than this.

They could have actually killed her.

But they didn't.

She had spent a year with the guy and even thinking about him caused Henry's hands to bawl into fists. It took all the self-discipline he had to keep from flying to the Philippines and confront the man. But that wasn't what she needed.

She needed him to be supportive. She needed him to be patient and so that's what he would do. What he wanted now, is just to have peace and family.

His hand darted out to move hair from his wife's forehead as she was peacefully asleep. Her skin is warm and slightly damp, but he knew they would be able to manage the nightmares. As long as they faced them together and she would allow for his help.

Slowly, he drifted off to sleep as well. Still fully clothed because he wouldn't leave his wife. Not now.

 **TBC**


	7. Chapter 7: acaronar

**Please spam the reviews if I don't update on Monday's... sorry I'm late (again)**

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 **acaronar** : to tenderly, lovingly pull someone closer

Henry woke up the following morning and smiled as he saw his wife still peacefully asleep. He folded the covers open and he wondered when he had even put them on. His heart skipped a beat when he looked around the room and found all three children there. It seemed like they had gathered all the pillows and blankets in the house and now lay huddled together on the ground.

He was surprised he hadn't heard them come in, but then again he had been exhausted. He knew their kids wanted to be close to their mother.

A slight murmur coming from his right caused him to glace at his wife. A frown covered her face and she was squirming in her sleep. He touched her arm gently and she woke up. Her eyes shot open, but she didn't move away from his touch. Bringing his finger up to his lips, he looked at their kids. She followed his eyes and smiled at the sight.

She had to keep herself from crying, because she didn't want that to be the first thing she did this morning. Instead, her face turned to Henry again and she leaned closer. By now, he new the drill and lay still as she kissed him.

"Move." It was a barely audible whisper, but he knew what she meant.

Every fiber in her body screamed at her to stop, but she pushed her feelings down and kissed him again. This time, she felt him kiss her back ever so slightly and after a while, when the feelings became too much, she pulled back.

"Ouch." They heard from somewhere on the ground and they found Stevie waking up, followed by her other two siblings. "You kick in your sleep."

Jason looked at her offended and ready to fight back when a glance at their parents' bed made him shut up. Both parents were giving them an amused smile.

"Did we wake you?" Alison sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"No, we were already awake." Henry promised them. "Why are you guys on the floor?"

"We wanted to be with mom." Jason admitted with a tired sigh and all three kids looked slightly embarrassed.

"Then get in bed." Elizabeth forced her aching body in the middle of the bed. Stevie and Alison each sat on one side and Henry had been banned from the bed, not that he minded. Jason sat next to one of his sisters, but his mom grabbed his hand for comfort.

"I'll make breakfast." Henry smiled as he waited a little while, enjoying the sight of his family for a moment.

Her kids were back in her arms and it was a moment she had dreamed so many times of. She felt like everything inside her melted at their contact. She knew there would be tears in her eyes, because at this moment she believed that every bit of the nightmare that she had gone through the past year, had been worth it to bring her back to this.

"Next time wake us up, okay? You shouldn't have to sleep on the ground."

"We can't really fit five people in a twin bed." Stevie mused. "and we didn't want to wake you or dad."

"Besides, I haven't slept this good in over a year." Alison admitted. Ever since she lost- or thought she lost- her mother, she had been suffering from insomnia. Sleep wouldn't come easily at night and she even fell asleep in class once.

Fortunately, her teacher was aware of her circumstances and let her off the hook. He had told her to go home and sleep, but no matter how tired she was, she couldn't find sleep.

Elizabeth felt a flicker of something deep within her belly and she recognized it immediately as guilt. Guilt of putting her family through this much heartbreak. For causing her kids to suffer and be the reason for their pain.

Almost instinctively, her hand lifted up to Alison's face and she brushed hair away from her eyes, before reaching up to touch her face as if she was trying to remember what she had felt like.

"I'm so proud of all of you."

"I'm going to see if dad need any help." Stevie pressed a kiss on her mother's head and left the room. She knew her dad was having a hard time as well and she wanted to make things as easy for him as possible.

"Mom?" Alison's voiced sounded scared and she squeezed her hand.

"Yeah?"

"I thought you were dead."

"It was all a lie." She pulled her towards her, ignoring the sharp pain that stroke up through her shoulder as her arms circled around her daughter, and she all but crushed her to her chest. She felt Alison press her face against her good shoulder, and she knew her daughter was holding onto her with the same kind of desperation that she was.

"I had the same dream over and over again. You were trying to wake me up for school and so I'd have like ten seconds where I could feel you. Feel you brushing hair off my face or squeezing my shoulders or tickling me. And then I'd wake up, really wake up and then I'd remember that you were dead."

"Oh, noodle."

"And I would lie in bed and just hope it was all a bad dream, but it never was."

Both mother and daughter let their tears fall and they felt Jason wrapping his arms around the pair. He knew his dad needed him to be strong as well, but right now he just couldn't be. His mother's presence was enough for him to tear up.

"I'm never leaving you again." She promised, her voice not nearly as steady as she desperately wanted it to be.

"Hey," Stevie walked back in, followed by Henry as they were both carrying trays. "I want in on that."

She set down her tray at the end of the bed and joined the hug situation that was currently happening on the bed. No matter how badly Henry wanted to join, he decided to give his wife a moment with the kids.

"Bagels?" Elizabeth's eyebrow shot up in confusion and she wondered if they had gone out to get them. They hadn't been gone that long.

"They were sent by Blake and-" Henry thought about his choice of words for a moment. They were no longer her staff, so he settled for the next best thing he could think of. "-Blake and the others."

She hadn't thought about them yet. She couldn't imagine what they went through. To lose two Secretary's of State couldn't be easy.

"How are they? How's Blake?" She had always found Blake like a little brother to her. He took amazing care of her family even beyond the job description.

"Blake had a rough time, but after a while he got back on track. He still works at the State department and he calls every week to make sure the kids and I are still okay."

"And the others?"

"Nadine moved to California to be with her son. She has a grandchild now. Daisy had her baby and is now dating Matt. Jay and Abby patched things up for Chloe's sake."

She thought about how much had changed. Nadine as a grandmother. Daisy as a mother. She had always known Matt and Daisy would end up together. From day one day had this chemistry, but they both tried so hard to deny it. Convincing everyone around them that, really nothing was going on.

"Let's eat." Stevie and Henry took place on the end of the bed and handed his wife a plate.

Breakfast was the same as it had been the day before. She barely ate anything, and he made a mental note to check her weight daily. If she wanted to get better, she would have to gain her strength. The way to do that was by eating, but that wasn't something she seemed to be all too interested in.

He was sure the kids noticed, but they all respectfully kept it to themselves. It wasn't until after breakfast and Henry had gone downstairs to clean up, that his youngest daughter walked in.

"So, dad, I was thinking." Alison started as she lingered around the kitchen counter. She had left her siblings upstairs with her mother, so she could have a moment alone with her dad.

"About?"

"Tomorrow is Monday and I'm supposed to go back to college. I was just thinking-" Before she could even finish asking if she could stay home an extra week, her dad interrupted.

"No, you're going back to school tomorrow." Henry was aware his daughter wanted to be close to her mother, but he refused to let her drop out. He knew Elizabeth would agree with him. "Mom will still be here next weekend."

"But dad-"

"You're going."

Alison sighed, but eventually gave in. "Okay, but on one condition. You guys video call everyday."

"Promise." He pulled his daughter close for a moment before he finished cleaning and Alison returned upstairs.

"I'm really glad mom's home."

"Me too."

Henry had helped his wife downstairs and she was now sitting comfortably on the couch. Alison and Stevie were with her while Jason sat at the breakfast table writing a paper.

With everything that happened, he had forgotten about it, but he wanted to finish it. He knew school would understand if he didn't meet the deadline, but it was a nice distraction.

Every now and then he listened to his mom talking to his sisters. They were talking about some new fashion trend and it made him feel slightly left out. He had missed his mom just as much as they had, but somehow, they found it easier to reconnect.

Unbeknown to Jason, his dad was watching him. Henry noticed the expression on his son's face and the hint of jealousy. He didn't want to burden Elizabeth with it, but he would tell her if Jason still felt that way after a while.

After Henry had made lunch and they ate together, he helped Elizabeth upstairs since she wanted to get changed out of her pj's.

"I promise eye contact only." Henry guided her to the bathroom and brought some comfortable clothes with him. He took a step closer and touched the hem of her shirt. "Allow me."

She froze, and her eyes widened with horror. For a moment, she was back in the room and there was so much pain. She could hear someone crying and she knew she was the one doing it, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Everything hurt, and she heard a voice.

 _His_ voice.

 _"Allow me." His hands roamed her body, but she wasn't able to do anything except squirm under his touch. The bindings held her in place and she pleaded for him to stop._

She snapped out of her memory and looked up at Henry, everything around them blurring, and though she knew she was safe at home, she didn't feel like it. Her mind was still back there, and she took a step back.

"What is it?" Henry's voice was filled with worry and he took a step back as well to give her a sense of personal space. "Talk to me."

"I- I can't." It was a soft whisper, but he heard it.

"Let me in." His tone was so very gentle, and she finally looked him in the eye.

"His hands were- I couldn't stop it I just wanted him to stop." She sounded so broken and he wished he could just take her in his arms. The sobs coming from her were heartbreaking and he wished there was a way for all of this to go away.

"Can I please hold you?" He asked, trying to ignore the impulse he had to his wife's words; unfortunately for him, though, his mind was giving him horrifically graphic visuals involving her being hurt as she had suggested.

But he figured if Elizabeth could hold herself together right now, well then so could he.

Elizabeth wiped her tears away and took a step closer. "Can you please just help me get dressed."

"Alright." Henry managed to get her out of her clothes without breaking eye contact and when he was about to help her put on her sweatpants, she stopped him.

"Did I hurt you?" His immediate worry warmed her heart, but also showed her how careful he was around her.

"No." Her gentle tone easing his worry and she pressed her lips together as she stared at him for a moment.

She now noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Though it had only been a year, he looked like he had aged. Through this all, his soft eyes were ever so familiar and gave her all the strength she needed to continue. Knowing he would be by her side no matter what.

"Look." She whispered and for a moment Henry didn't understand what she meant. He was already looking at her.

Then it hit him. She was telling him she was ready for him to see. To see the injuries on her body and the history of what she had been through the past year.

She might be ready, but perhaps he wasn't.

Swallowing hard, his eyes shifted down to her body. They landed on a cut between her breasts. Her bra was covering it slightly, but he still noticed it. Next was the bruising on her ribs followed by some bruises on her legs. When his eyes reached her ankle injury, his eyes were filled with tears.

Henry was someone who could take a lot. He could handle the pressure of his wife's job and the media that would spread rumors. He handled being deployed and being in warzones.

But there was one thing how couldn't handle; seeing his family hurt.

"Henry." Elizabeth's voice sounded more like a sigh and his eyes snapped up to meet hers.

"Did he-"

"No." Her tone was flat, but her usually bright blue eyes showed a darkness that betrayed her.

"Babe." A desperate plea that she could no longer ignore. He deserved to know the truth.

"Almost. He did a lot of things, but I think that's where he drew the line."

"But he said he took you because you rejected him."

"It was about power." Despite all of her instincts telling her to do otherwise, she stepped closer to him. As she grabbed his hand and held it against her chest, she forced him to look at her. "I don't want him to take anything else from us."

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" Henry asked, and Elizabeth's face filled with joy. The fact that he asked gave her butterfly's in her stomach and she was certain things were going back to before.

"Yes." She leaned forward, ignoring the alarm bells that went off in her mind. His lips softly brushed against hers and she enjoyed it for a few second before pulling away.

It would be a hard and very long road, but the love she still held for him was enough for her to keep going.

They managed to get dressed and although Henry had seen the extend of his wife's injuries, he respectfully avoided staring.

When helping her downstairs, they walked past Jason's bedroom and noticed him in bed. He probably didn't get a full night's sleep, so he took a nap.

She stopped and told Henry to go downstairs. Hesitantly, he left her as he moved downstairs to find his daughters.

Elizabeth reached Jason's bed and lay down next to him without waking him up. He had always been a deep sleeper and she was glad at least something hadn't changed.

The past year and especially the past few days must have been exhausting for all of them. Usually Jason wasn't the type to nap, but then again that could be something he had picked up over the past year.

"Mom?" Jason mumbled suddenly, sleepily looking up at her. "You're here, right? I didn't dream everything?"

"It wasn't a dream. I am here, slugger," she assured him, her hand moving to his cheek. She ran the back of her fingers across his skin, so very soft.

He smiled. "Just making sure." He yawned then and closed his eyes again.

She waited until she was sure he was asleep before she got up and made her way downstairs. Before she was even halfway down, Henry rushed to her aid and wanted to help her downstairs.

"Stop," She demanded. "Stop treating me like I'm some sick child that can't stand on their own. I don't need you thinking that if you don't worry about me every five seconds, I must break in half." Her eyes blazing with an icy defiance that seems both disturbingly familiar and deeply unsettling to Henry; while he had wanted Elizabeth to find her fight again, he wanted it to be on her terms.

"I'm sorry." His tone so very gentle and non-combative.

"No," She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Mom?" Stevie and Alison walked in to find their parents. They had heard the argument between the two of them.

"I'm okay." She told them, but she knew it was an empty promise after what they had just heard.

"Ali and I were going to watch a movie if you want to join?" Stevie offered. She hoped it would take her mother's mind off things for a moment.

"Yeah." Elizabeth glanced one last time at Henry and grabbed his hand for a moment. Giving it a gentle squeeze, she smiled at him and hoped he would forgive her little outburst.

She followed her two daughters and they watched a movie. They had picked a non-violent, comedy movie and she enjoyed spending time with her kids.

 **TBC**


	8. Chapter 8: Torpe

**A/N: back with a new chapter! Love the reviews I am getting, thank you so much!**

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 **Torpe:** (n.) a man who is deserately in love with a woman, but cannot admit his feelings or approach her.

While the three girls were watching a movie, Henry was in his office getting some work done. He didn't get far because only a few minutes later, Jason walked in.

"Hey." He lingered in the doorway and Henry took off his glasses, turning his chair to face his son.

"Mom and the girls are watching a movie if you want to join them."

"No, that's okay."

Henry sighed and got up. No matter how much his son had grown up last year, his mother's return had triggered the little kid in him again. He was aware all his kids just wanted her close, but Jason had kept his distance.

"What's going on?"

Jason shifted his weight from one leg to the other, uncomfortably. "What if mom leaves again?"

"She didn't leave, she was taken." He corrected. His son made it seem like Elizabeth had chosen to leave.

"I know that, but what if she gets taken again?"

"Jase." Henry sighed. "Mom's home. I know I failed to protect her, but I'm never letting something like this happen again."

"How can you be sure?"

That's when Henry heard the slightly accusing tone and spoke his next words controlled and natural. "Do you think it's my fault mom got taken?"

"Yes- no." Jason started down at his feet and fumbled with the hem of his jumper. "We're a family. We're supposed to protect each other. We should've done something."

"Have you met your mother?" Henry grinned. "She's fierce, stubborn and a force to be reckoned with. We wouldn't have been able to stop her."

"Still-"

"No. You do not get to blame yourself. It's not your responsibility to take care of us. It's our job as your parents to protect you."

Jason knew his father's words were true, but he needed to process them in order to believe them. He stepped forward and hugged his dad. It was something they rarely did so when it happened, Henry cherished it best he could.

"Thanks dad."

"Go be with mom." Jason made his way over to the rest of the family and watched the end of the movie with them, leaving his dad in the study.

By the time the movie had finished, Stevie figured she should start making dinner. During the movie she saw her mother was tired and to make sure she ate before going to bed, she decided dinner would be early tonight.

"How was the movie?" Henry asked as he walked in. He found Alison and Jason on the couch, close to their mom.

"It was good." Alison told him.

"Kids, can you give your dad and I a minute?" Elizabeth asked, and both kids joined Stevie in the kitchen for dinner. She felt bad for sending her kids away, but she needed to talk to Henry and she was too exhausted to get up and walk to the other side of the house.

Henry sat down on the other side of the couch and Elizabeth sighed as she moved her body closer to his.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and I know you're only trying to help." She grabbed his hand and he turned his body to face her.

"I just don't know what you need." His voice started cracking but pushed back the welled-up tears that now threatened to spill from his eyes. It seemed like everything he did, somehow hurt her. He had no idea what she had been through exactly and what was alright for him to do.

"I need you to be patient with me." Elizabeth pleaded, and he nodded. He could do that.

"I've got all the time in the world for you and you know that. I'm just not sure if I can kiss you, hug you or even touch you. I feel like everything I do just reminds you of him."

"Stop." Her tears had now spilled from her eyes and gracefully rolled down her cheek. "Yes, it does, but if I don't try we will never go back to normal."

"You don't have to push yourself. I can wait another year if you need me to. Even longer. I just need you to be okay."

"I am okay. More than okay." She wrapped her arm around his neck. "I can bare your touch, just be patient with me and the rest will come too."

He pulled her in a hug and nodded. "Okay, I love you."

"I love you too." She pulled back and sat next to him, holding on to his hand. "I will tell you everything that happened, I just need some time."

They sat in silence and waited until the three kids had finished making dinner. Once they were all seated, Alison tried her luck one more time with her mom present.

"So, I can totally stay home for another week."

"You're going back to college." Henry told her, and Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. She hasn't been present for the first part of this argument.

"But-"

"Your mom will still be here next weekend. I promised we would call every day. Stevie is going back to work, and Jason is going to school tomorrow as well."

"Besides, I'm going to be home so much these two wish they could escape to college." Elizabeth teased as she pointed at Stevie and Jason.

"Alright." Alison sighed, and Jason started telling his mom about his upcoming football game.

When they finished dinner and cleared the table, Henry sighed when he saw his wife's plate not even half empty. He was glad their kids were going back to their normal lives so maybe they could talk about things.

"Is it okay if I pack my bag?" Alison asked and when Henry nodded, she walked upstairs.

"I guess I should do my homework then. Since I'm going back to school and all." Jason sighed.

"I could write you a note." Henry offered. Usually he wouldn't, but under these circumstances he figured his son deserved a pass.

"No, I have to do it someday." He dragged himself upstairs.

"That's a first." Stevie noted. She had never seen her brother voluntarily do homework.

"Yeah." Henry frowned, "Does Russell know you're coming back tomorrow?"

"No, but I'll text him later."

"Why don't you do it now. I can finish up." Henry told her, and she walked out.

Elizabeth was still sitting at the table and wondered if this is what it was like when she had been gone. There was no doubt in her mind that Henry hadn't done a great job, but he had been a working single father, who was also in the process of grieving together with his three kids.

"Don't do that." Henry's voice brought her attention back and she found him staring at her with a worried expression.

"Do what?"

"Go all silent."

She knew she should tell him. She should talk about it, but she had no idea where to start. How to begin.

"Ask me one thing." She simply stated, and he sat down. There were so many questions, but he also didn't want to start with one that would cause her to put her walls up.

"How did you know how much time had passed while you were in there?"

"I didn't" Elizabeth admitted. "I had no concept of time whatsoever. I didn't gain an understanding of how long they'd had me until a few months later. The woman, Darna; I talked to her every time she came in. She never talked to me, though, but after a few months she told me what date it was. I tried to measure time by the meals they gave me, but it was never the same. I felt like sometimes I would skip a day and the next day they served me lunch three times. Eventually, I just gave up trying to figure it out."

"Is that why you're barely eating?" Henry now took place on the chair next to hers.

"I'm not used to the amount of food anymore."

"We can figure out a plan to slowly ease you back into things." He grabbed her hand and kissed it.

"Thank you for getting the kids to go back to school. They shouldn't have to put their lives on hold for me." She knew if they had asked her, she would have allowed them to stay home. It was selfish, but she needed their comfort as much as they needed hers. However, she wanted them to get back in their regular routine and this was the best way how.

"They can come home any time you need them." Henry told her, and she knew the underlining meaning. Any time Henry couldn't help her. The fact that he still believed he was hurting her, broke her heart.

"Henry. Yes, I get flashbacks but that doesn't change when I'm with the kids. Everything reminds me of-" She didn't finish her sentence, but he knew what she meant to say. "I'm not scared to be alone with you."

"We're in this together." He promised her, and she nodded. "Thank you for telling me."

"You deserve to know."

Henry helped her upstairs and before she crawled into bed, she said goodbye to her kids. She wasn't sure she would be up by the time the left in the morning. After many hugs and kisses, she brushed her teeth and lay down on the bed in her sweat pants. She wasn't in the mood to change and just wanted to sleep.

Somehow Henry's side of the bed had become her side now. He quickly changed and lay next to her. There was no way he was leaving her and that meant going to bed as well.

"Good night." He whispered, and she allowed him to press a kiss against her forehead.

"Night." Her mumble indicated she was already half asleep and he smiled as he watched her rest peacefully.

He read a book for a little while, but soon felt his eyes get heavy too and he fell asleep.

 _Elizabeth was tired. She was hungry, exhausted and just wanted to go home. She guessed she had been here for about 48 hours, but she couldn't be sure._

 _She sat on the bed, but both arms were cuffed behind her back to the headboard. She couldn't find a comfortable position to sit it. Her entire body was aching._

 _When the door opened, she noticed Andrada walk in. She refused to make eye contact or speak to him. He didn't seem to want a conversation either and from the corner of her eye, she noticed him pull out a sandwich._

 _She wanted to eat but wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She kept her mouth shut as he tried to feed her which only angered him further._

 _"Fine." Angrily, he got up and threw the sandwich against the wall. "Starve to death."_

 _He walked out, leaving her behind. Part of her regretted her action because she was hungry, but she also didn't want to give him that much power over her. Control._

 _She didn't see him for a while. Not until one of his guards had gotten violent with her. One arm was still cuffed to the bed she lay on. The woman who brought her food was now cleaning up the blood._

 _As soon as Andrada returned, the woman hurried out the room. Elizabeth tried to regain some sort of composure and sat up the best she could._

 _"Does it hurt, Elizabeth? I bet everything hurts. You screamed loud enough." His laugh pierced through her skin and she growled._

 _"Elizabeth?" The voice of her captor slowly faded, and a new voice filled her head. It was familiar and comforting._

Her eyes snapped open and she rolled towards the voice that was calling out for her.

"Elizabeth?" He looked worried and she nodded to let him know she heard him. "It was just a nightmare."

She got her breathing under control and found his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Henry popped his head on his hand and waited for her to reply. He glanced past her to the alarm and saw the time. 4:27 AM. She had slept almost through the night which he took as a good sign.

"Everything hurt." She whispered as a tear leaked from the corner of her eye. She subconsciously rubbed her wrists where the metal of the cuffs had previously cut into her skin. "I couldn't fight back."

Henry waited and hoped she would continue open up. The statements made his skin crawl, but he had to listen. He had to be there; for her.

"I tried to stop him, I really did." Her hands were trying to grasp something in the air and she looked at him desperately. "You have to believe me. I never stopped trying to come back."

"Hey." Henry's voice was firm and reassuring. "You're a fighter, everyone knows that. You're brave and I never doubted your strength."

"I-" Elizabeth started but before she continued she threw open the covers, jumped up and ran towards the bathroom. All the flashbacks and nightmare had made her nauseous.

Henry ran after her just in time to keep her hair back as she threw up. He knew they would have to start from zero again with her eating but that was something they could worry about in the morning. He was just glad their kids would be out of the house, so they would not be burdened with this.

Elizabeth got up and walked over to the sink. She quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth while Henry waited for her to finish up.

Feeling the onslaught of painful memories of the past year- memories that she had no desire to relive- she closed her eyes and placed a shaky hand against the wall, steadying herself so that she could try to pull herself together. It was all about getting everything under control again.

"Do you need my help?"

"No," she answered, flinching at the question. She walked back to the bed and lay down under the covers.

Henry followed her lead and lay next to her. It bothered him that his wife was hurting right next to him, but he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't be there for her and in a way, it made him feel as if he failed as her husband.

 **TBC**


	9. Chapter 9: hygge

**A/N: only a day late! There is improvement... enjoy!**

* * *

 **hygge:** (n.) a deep sense of place, warmth, friendship and contentment.

"Good morning, I didn't expect to see you up so early." Henry spoke as he saw his wife emerge from upstairs. He had been up early to get the kids ready for the day. After Elizabeth's nightmare, he hadn't been able to sleep again.

"Why is that?" She is not smiling and the look on her face is serious and closed off. Like she doesn't want to even begin to discuss the event of the previous day.

Still, Henry can't quite stop himself from offering up a knowing smile. "You had a pretty rough night."

"I can't just sit around all day."

Henry sighed. It was going to be a long day and he was just glad the kids weren't present. He hoped they would get a chance to talk today.

He offered her a plate with breakfast and he continued to move around in the kitchen. Things were silent and since Henry wasn't talking to her, she was forced to reflect on the past couple of day. The past year even.

With nothing to distract her, memories of the past year slipped into her mind.

 _"Elizabeth." He greeted, leaning in to kiss her. His hand settled over her wrist and he pulled her close._

 _He offered her a drink which she gratefully accepted. Anything to keep him from touching her._

 _There was a bitterly dark and painful feeling in the middle of her badly broken soul that was screaming at her. To get up and continue fighting, but she was exhausted._

 _What was the point?_

 _"You drugged me." She whispered as she fell backwards, her limbs heavy and her mind quickly clouding. It wasn't just that he had put something in her drink that startled her, it was the fact that within a few minutes she would be dragged into the darkness without a clue of what he was going to do next._

 _"I am sorry." He told her and brushed hair out of her eyes. "But I did not think you would cooperate. I do not want to hurt you, Elizabeth."_

 _His smile is empty and smug._

 _Still, she had to try and talk him out of whatever he was going to do next. "Don't"_

 _"Shh. You will see I am better for you. We can be happy together."_

 _She tried to struggle against the restrains and fight the drugs, but they are too much, and everything was being much heavier by the second. And Andrada, he was just watching and studying her like she was nothing more than an object to him._

 _"Please." She hadn't begged before and the satisfying smirk on his lips made her regret the words as soon as they left her mouth. He knew he had won this round, but she would be damned if she didn't fight back._

 _Fight to return to her family, her kids. To Henry._

 _His lips brushed over her forehead, the touch making her want to scream and flinch away. "It will all be okay. You will be okay."_

 _She knew that was a lie. Even if she survived, she doubted she would ever be okay again._

 _He ran the back of his palm across her cheek and smiled down at her. Her eyes were become heavier and she finally allowed herself to close them, letting the darkness drag her down._

Henry sat down on the chair next to her and saw the distant look in her eyes. She was deep in thought and whatever it was, it wasn't good. He could tell from the pained expression on her face. "Can you tell me anything?"

"I'm going to try?" It sounded more like a question than a statement, but it's enough for him because he had been waiting for this for so long. No longer wanting to pretend that the terrible things hadn't happened.

Elizabeth said nothing for the longest moment, just stared to something in the distance only she seemed to see. When she finally did speak, her tone was flat like she was trying to carefully pick out her words.

She noticed an anxiety settling in the pit of her stomach.

A familiar anxiety, even.

She rubbed her temple lightly, feeling a headache sneaking up on her. "I woke up in total darkness and pain. So much pain."

 _Her heart was pounding, and she worried it might just jump out of her chest. It was strange this was the first thing she noticed when she returned to consciousness. The next thing she was aware of was the darkness that still surrounded her even though she had her eyes opened._

 _Her mind quickly jumped to her next problem when she felt a scorching pain in every muscle in her body. Like fire racing through each and every one of her nerve endings. She heard someone scream before realizing it was her._

 _She tried to shift her body but found her hands tied above her head. She was laying down and her best guess was it was a bed. Her ankles were tied together to what she guessed was the footboard._

 _The door opened revealing Andrada and a bright light from the hallway. She blinked a few times to get used to it. Looking around the room, she saw she was indeed laying on a bed and it was the only thing in the room._

 _However, the main thing that caused her to shudder, was the fact that he had changed her clothes while she was out cold. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she hated herself for this weakness._

 _He watched her with something far darker than just mere curiosity. Something like a disturbing amount of true almost sexual pleasure._

"How far?" Elizabeth raised her eyebrow at this question. She wasn't quite sure what her husband was referring to. "How far did he go?"

"He kissed me, touched me but that was it." She whispered, and Henry chose to believe her. There was this constant worry she wasn't telling him the truth to protect him, but he knew if something had happened, she would have told him by now.

"Remember he is into kickboxing?" Henry simply nodded. "He made me fight with him, but I was so tired."

Elizabeth slowly started eating her breakfast while Henry processed the information. The details his wife was giving him caused a terrifying image to form in his mind. He knew this was only a part of the horror she had endured the past year.

"So, when I kiss you, do you- do you see him?" Henry tried to hide the disgust in his voice, but she knew him all too well. She wanted to lie to him, tell him she didn't.

But she couldn't.

"Sometimes." She admitted and lowered her head in her hands.

Henry knew the last thing she needed was for him to get upset. To be sad or angry. She needed him to be her rock and be strong for her.

"What did he do?" He asked, and she lifted her head. What did it matter? "What can I do different, so it won't feel like him."

She smiled at the effort he was willing to put in. Pushing her breakfast aside, she shifted her chair closer to him.

Grabbing his hand, she placed it on her cheek. Her mind flashed back to how harshly he used to put his hands on her cheeks and kiss her.

"Not here." She whispered and brought it past her cheek and to the back of her head, leaving it there.

Slowly she leaned forwards and let her lips gently touch his. He applied a bit more pressure and she let him for a few second before pulling away. It wasn't as much a kiss as it was a way for her to show how gentle he had to be.

"He was rough." She whispered still with her eyes closed and leaned forwards again. Their lips only just brushed as Henry was careful to not make her feel uncomfortable.

"Okay that didn't count as a kiss." She grinned, barely having even felt his lips on hers. She leaned forwards and tried again. It still didn't feel like it used to, but it was closer. They were one step closer to returning to normal. Her lips left his and she pulled him in for a hug, his arms circling around her tiny form and she buried her head in his shoulder.

"Have I mentioned how amazing you are?" She whispered in his ear and he let out a laugh. If one of them was amazing, it had to be her.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The ringing of the phone caused them to break the hug and Henry smiled. He knew who was calling. It was always the same person on Monday morning so he got up.

"Hey." … "Yeah, thanks." … "You know what? You could come over?" … "No, I think she would like a familiar face." … "Alright, see you in a bit. Bye."

"Who was that?" Elizabeth asked curiously. It sounded like they were coming over for her.

"Blake. He always calls on Monday morning to see if the kids and I need anything. Are you up for him to come by?"

"Yes." She smiled, though it quickly disappeared when she realized she was still in her sweatpants.

"He won't mind what you're wearing." Henry promised her, but she shook her head and got up.

"Please help me get dressed into something a bit less depressing?" He helped her upstairs and she changed in one of Henry's sweaters and a pair of leggings. They hurt the wound on her ankle slightly, but it was nothing she couldn't push down.

They waited downstairs until the doorbell rang.

"I brought bagels and I'm pretty sure you already ate, but..." His voice trailed off when he noticed the familiar figure emerging from the kitchen.

"Hey stranger." Elizabeth smiled and stepped closer. Henry grabbed the box of delicacies since Blake looked like he was about to drop them.

"You're here." He whispered, and Elizabeth offered him a knowingly smile before wrapping her arms around him, standing on her tiptoes to reach him.

Blake's arms carefully circled around her and he let out a breath of relief. It felt strange, hugging his former boss. Not because of the intimate contact- because she had hugged him before- but because he never imagined he would see her again.

"You always knew when and what I wanted to eat." She joked as she pushed back and eyed the box Henry was holding.

"That might have been because you were always hungry for anything, ma'am." Blake replied, and Elizabeth face fell, masking it with a sad smile.

"I think we're past that. I'm no longer your boss, just Elizabeth."

Henry interrupted the silence. "How about we dig in, in the kitchen?"

Blake walked after the couple and couldn't help the way his former boss walked. Less grace and she seemed to be favoring one leg over the other. Shaking these thoughts away, he was just glad she was alive and took a seat in the kitchen.

"Henry told me you still work at State?" Elizabeth started a conversation, glad she could sit down again. Her lack of energy was starting to frustrate her but that was something for another time. When Blake wasn't present.

"Yeah, your speech really inspired me. I had you firing me in your calendar and although you didn't get to do that, I did keep it as a limit for myself. A week before the deadline I was appointed assistant policy advisor."

Elizabeth smiled at the impact her words had had on him. She knew from the moment she hired him as her assistant, he was destined for greater things.

"Good to hear. So how's the new job?"

"It's great. Jay is the new chief of staff since Nadine left and he said I might have a real shot at being promoted to policy advisor." Blake gratefully accepted the cup of coffee from Henry and watched him set a cup of tea in front of his wife before sitting down next to her.

"Jay is the new chief of staff?" Elizabeth was surprised but then again he was the next qualified person after Nadine. "How are Daisy and Matt? Henry told me she had the baby."

"They're still awkward about it at work." Blake grinned, remembering how uncomfortable they used to make it for each other. Pretending nothing was going on when everyone already knew. "The baby is so precious."

Elizabeth watched Blake pull up pictures and showed it to her. She smiled as she saw a baby girl on the screen. "What's her name?"

"Joanna." Blake told her. "Joanna Elizabeth."

A small gasp left her mouth as she heard the second name. She had liked her staff and they had been like a family to her. Though, there was always the issue that she was the boss.

She had always felt like Daisy was the one who least liked her, at least after she patched things up with Nadine. They didn't always look eye-to-eye which caused trouble occasionally.

In knowing that, hearing Daisy named her daughter after her was a shock. Now she had to meet the beautiful baby girl.

"Joanna." Elizabeth repeated and she handed the phone back. "That's a beautiful name."

"She'll turn one in a few weeks." Blake put his phone back in his pocket.

"I better start buying presents for all the milestones I missed." Elizabeth joked and got a light smile in return.

"Oh no." Henry whined. "Now that you're home are you going to start online shopping?"

"Be prepared for a whole lot of useless junk." She teased and he rolled his eyes in responds.

For a moment they sipped their drink in silence until Blake remembered something.

"I meant to ask, how did Jason do on his history essay?"

Elizabeth looked at Henry and hoped he would explain to her what she had missed.

"Blake helped Jason with his history essay on the American government." He told her before turning to Blake. "He aced it. Thanks again."

"Not a problem." Blake smiled.

Elizabeth started to realized the depth of Blake's relationship with her family. It had evolved over the past year and grown into something deep.

"Thanks Blake."

"Yeah of course. He worked hard on it."

"No, I mean thank for being here. For taking care of my family when I couldn't. It wasn't in the job description when I was your boss, and you certainly had no obligation to do so when I was gone."

"I'd like to think you were a bit more than my boss." He shyly smiled as he looked down at his coffee. "That's what friends are for."

"Thank you." She spoke with a genuine tone and the raw emotion was something he hadn't seen from her before. Maybe it was because she was no longer his boss

Or perhaps it was because of what she had endured.

"I should leave you be." He got up and both Elizabeth and Henry followed his action.

They passed through the kitchen when the phone suddenly rang. Elizabeth couldn't stop herself from flinching in reaction. It was a small movement, but she was quite certain everyone had seen it. Just the same, she ignored their worried reactions and hugged Blake goodbye while Henry answered the phone.

"Next time the entire gang should come over. And I want to meet Joanna." Elizabeth whispered as she let go of him.

"Promise and it's really good to see you." Blake told her and Henry now joined them with the phone in his hand.

"It's Will." He told her and she said goodbye to Blake before taking the phone to the kitchen and answering it.

"Thanks for everything." Henry told Blake before he opened the door. "This past year you've been a rock for this family. I hope you know how much we appreciate you."

"I'm really glad to see her again. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything." Blake mumbled a quick goodbye before walking out the door.

 **TBC**


	10. Chapter 10: eccedentesiast

**A/N: Look at me posting in time. What would you like to see in this story?**

* * *

 **Eccedentesiast** : (n.) someone who hides pain behind a smile.

"Will?" She answered the phone as soon as she reached the kitchen.

"Lizzy?" His voice and the use of her nickname caused her to break down in tears. Not having yet reached the chair, she lowered herself to the floor as silent sobs wrecked her body. "Is it really you?"

"Yeah." She pushed her back against one of the kitchen cabinets.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice again." His tone indicated his emotions had gotten the best of him as well.

"You too."

Henry walked in and found his wife on the floor. He rushed by her side, but when he didn't find her hurt, he simply sat next to her. She grabbed his hand for support and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I flew to D.C. as soon as I heard. I'm on my way to you right now. That's why I called."

"You're coming here?" Part of her was in disbelieve. She had thought about her brother many times after her return, but she never knew what she should say to him. They had been through to much together. Losing their parents and now he had believed for an entire year that he had lost his sister as well. She was the only family he had left.

"I have to return tomorrow night but I couldn't not come." She nodded, not realizing he wouldn't be able to see her. The tears had stopped and she dried her face. Knowing they would start spilling as soon as she saw her brother, she didn't bother trying to hide the fact that she had been crying.

"Where are you now?"

"A few minutes out." A silence fell and she listened to his even breathing through the phone. There was something calming about it after all these months. She had a rocky relationship with her brother, and it usually consisted of them fighting, but she had a feeling things were about to change. The past year had been an important event in both their lives.

"I'll see you then." She hung up because she knew she had to get up. There was no chance she would allow her brother to see her like this. Like a broken mess on the floor.

"Can you help me up?" Henry nodded silently at the request and helped her to her feet. The fact that she asked had surprised him but he didn't comment on it.

She just stood next to him, her arms lightly draped around his form. What was she supposed to say to her brother? Would he forgive her? Would he be mad and start an argument? She wondered how long it would take him to get to their house because her thoughts were starting to drive her mad. As if on queue, the doorbell rang and she knew it was Will.

"Are you ready?" He grabbed her hand and together they walked to the door. As soon as they opened it, Elizabeth felt her brother's arms around her and he had a tightening grip on her sweater.

For a moment, the sudden action scared her but as soon as she realized it was Will, she put her arms around him.

Henry closed the door and watched the two siblings hold on to each other for dear life. Both had lost their parents and they were the only ones they had left. He knew Will had gone through a dark period after Elizabeth's death but he came out of it stronger. He managed to get through it.

"I missed you." Will choked out and Elizabeth let out a sob.

"I missed you, too."

They spent a while talking until Elizabeth sent her brother upstairs for a nap. He had traveled all this way, and with the timezones, she guessed he was tired. After promising her brother she was alright, he hesitantly left to go upstairs.

"Henry?"

"Hmm?" Henry looked up from his paperwork. He had left the two alone and went to the office to get some work done.

"You mentioned earlier that you kept my stuff." Elizabeth started and she lingered in the doorway. Henry got up and stood in front of her, waiting for her to continue. "Can we maybe unpack some of it?"

"Damn, no more closet all to myself." Henry joked and he was happy to see a smile forming on his wife's face. "Of course we can. Let me bring some boxes up and we will get right to it."

Henry left to go get some boxes from the basement while Elizabeth made her way up the stairs.

Once they finish unpacking part of her stuff, they went downstairs. By this time, Will had woken up and was sitting downstairs at the breakfast table. She sat down next to him and Henry put his hand on her shoulder. For a moment she flinched away but then relaxed.

"I will leave you two be for a moment." He spoke and headed into the ktichen.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked as soon as Henry left. She could sense there was something on Will's mind, she just knew him all too well.

"Lizzy, I can see you're hurting whenever he comes near you. Why are you forcing yourself into this?" Will eyed the kitchen to see if Henry was still there.

"Because he's my husband." She argued, not in the mood for her brother to analyze her.

"So? It's clearly causing you pain."

"Stop it." She raised her voice more than she meant to and Henry emerged from the kitchen.

"What's going on?" A thick layer of worry in his tone caused Elizabeth to smile. He was always protective of her, even towards her own brother.

"Nothing." She promised him but Will took his chance.

"How can you be around her when you can see how much it hurts her."

"Will-" Elizabeth tried to calm him down, but Henry spoke over her.

"You don't think I know that? But I need her. Maybe even more than she needs me." His words triggered Will even more and their conversation quickly turned into an argument.

"So you think you're helping her by being selfish? You should be supporting her, not leaning on her!" His face was red and Elizabeth could see her brother was enraged.

"Okay, stop." She pleaded. She was too tired for this and the shouting was triggering her anxiety. All the times _he_ had yelled at her.

"I'm trying! There isn't really a guide on how to do this." Henry shot back. He was trying his best and doing everything he could to make the transition for his wife the easiest.

Henry and Will were so focused on each other that they didn't even notice that Elizabeth's breathing had become more rapid. Her eyes were glazed over and she held a tight grip on the side of the table to keep her steady and upright.

"You're not the victim here!" Will argued and the words echoed through her head.

She was pulled in by a memory that filled her mind and it caused her to miss part of the argument.

 _"You are not the victim here." Andrada spoke as one of his men pushed her in the ring. His hands were taped and he seemed ready for the fight._

 _A fight she wasn't at all prepared for. She had no idea how long she had been here, but she figured it had been weeks. She had barely slept or eaten and now he expected her to fight him?_

 _"You kidnapped_ me

 _"None of this would have happened it you had not resisted me, dear Elizabeth." He circled her like a prey and she was ready to put up a fight. She had a feeling this wouldn't be the last time he challenged her for a match. "So really, I am the victim here."_

 _His words caused her blood to boil and when he attacked her, she fought him best she could._

 _However, after weeks of sleepless nights and being deprived of most food, she was weak and had barely any energy to stand up straight. Within a few minutes, he had her pinned to the ground with a bleeding nose._

 _"Only fair after you caused my nose to bleed." He grinned. "Just be glad I did not break it."_

Being pulled from her memory by the dizziness, she touched Henry's arm and it caused him to finally look at her. She was aware of her trouble breathing and the fact that she was about to pass out.

"Babe?" He searched for eye contact, but Will pushed him aside before he could get any.

"Let me." He growled and he stepped in front of his sister. However, she didn't want him and in turn pushed him aside.

Channeling the last resort of energy she had left in her body, she walked over to Henry and collapsed in his arms. She allowed for him to pick her up and carried her upstairs to lay her down on their bed.

With Henry close, her anxiety subsided and her breathing pattern returned to normal. Will had gone after the pair to make sure she was alright and now stood in the doorway.

After a moment of calming herself down, with Henry sitting next to her and holding her hand, she sat up to face her brother.

"I know you're trying to help but stop it." She sighed and he now stepped closer. "I can't stand to be around anyone, but Henry is patient and gentle and careful."

"I don't want to see you hurt."

"I'm home." She sighed and he sat down on the bed. "I'm right where I want to be with the people I want to be with."

"I can't bare to lose you again." Will admitted and Elizabeth put her arms around him.

"Mom? Dad?" They heard Stevie's voice from downstairs and she released her brother from her grip.

"Go greet your niece. We'll be right down." Elizabeth nudged him off the bed and watched as he left the room.

"Why me?" Henry asked and she sighed. Did he really have to ask why she had wanted him to comfort her instead of her brother.

"Because you're the one I'm spending my life with. You're the one I will always need, Henry."

"May I?" His words caused her heart to flutter and she nodded. His hand found the back of her head as he had remembered and she pressed her lips against his.

"We should probably go downstairs." Henry sighed and she nodded. "You can lay down for a minute if you want?"

"No, I want to see my daughter." She smiled and together they made their way down. She hugged Stevie as soon as her eldest daughter came in reach.

"Hey mom."

"How was work?"

"Slow day." Stevie replied, leaving out the part where Russell had sent her home for the day to be with her mother. She had mixed feelings about the guy. He was stubborn, cold and sometimes straight up rude, but in moments like this he showed he truly cared. That he was capable of human emotion.

"Do you want take-out?" Henry asked his daughter and she nodded. He got the phone to call, leaving the three in the kitchen.

"So when did you get here?" She asked her uncle, glancing over at her mother who was lowering herself into a chair.

"This morning. I will be staying until tomorrow afternoon."

By the time Jason had come home from school, take-out had arrived as well and the five of them ate together. Elizabeth was aware her brother kept eying her plate and she sighed. Not in the mood to fight, she ignored his judgmental stares and ate as much as she could.

She could feel her stomach starting to protest and not wanting to throw up again, she pushed her plate out of the way.

"I promised Ali we would call her at 8." Henry told her, breaking the uncomfortable silence in the room.

"Since it's past midnight in London right now, I'm off to bed unless I can do something for you?" Since he was only staying for one night, he wanted to keep his usual rhythm best he could.

"No, thanks Will." Elizabeth watched as he resided upstairs. Henry started clearing the table with Stevie and she turned to Jason.

"So how was school?"

"It's school, it was okay." Jason shrugged his shoulders and sure began to wonder how involved the press was. She hadn't watched TV yet besides movies.

"I have to call your sister in about an hour but do you want to watch a movie with me before? You can pick." His face lit up and she slowly came to realize since she had been back she hasn't spent as much time with him as she had been with the girls.

"Yes. They came out with the movie 'night school'. It's supposed to be really funny." He started setting it up and she collapsed on the couch in the mean time. Jason handed her a blanket and he sat down next to her.

Stevie and Henry soon joined and about half way into the movie, they paused it because Alison called.

"Hey noodle." She held Henry's phone in her hands as her youngest daughter appeared on the screen.

"Hi mom. I miss you."

"I miss you too, but I'll see you this weekend."

"That's still four days away." She could see her youngest daughter sighing and she wished she could just wrap her in a hug.

"That's why I'm calling, baby. Just know that you going on with your life and going to college makes me really happy."

She talked to her daughter about her first day back at school. Alison managed to talk to her for a whole hour until she noticed her mom grew tired.

"You should head to bed. I'll call you tomorrow, same time."

"Okay. Love you."

"I love you too mom." Alison blew a kiss towards the screen and she hung up.

"We'll finish the movie tomorrow." Jason's arms wrapped around her tightly and she closed her eyes. How she had missed simply being able to pull her kids in for a hug.

"Good night, slugger."

She walked over to her eldest and said good night before Henry took her upstairs. Henry picked out something for her to wear to bed, while she walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She caught herself in the mirror and stopped. Since her return, she hadn't really looked at herself closely. Her eyes looked dark, her skin was pale, and she now saw what Henry was worried about, she was very thin.

She felt anything but attractive and wished Henry hadn't seen her injuries as well. How could he still be looking at her with so much love in his eyes.

"You're beautiful." Henry told her as he stood in the doorway. He took two steps and stood behind her. His hands lingered above her shoulders for a moment but when she nodded at him through the mirror he set them down.

"I love your beautiful face, with kissable lips." He started, and she smiled. "I love your beautiful body. I love your beautiful mind, your beautiful strength, your courage. I love everything about you and nothing will ever change that."

She turned around and draped her arms around his neck lightly. Leaning forward, she kissed him and soon after she deepened that kiss. However, the emotions were too overwhelming, and she had to step away.

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

She pushed her feelings down as far as she could and leaned in to try again. This time, Henry was the one who stepped back.

"No." He whispered, and she looked confused.

"What?"

"Will was right. You're pushing yourself way too hard."

"Fine." She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever."

He sighed as he watched her get into bed. Not even bothering to change. He did his night routine and slipped in next to her in bed. She had gotten in on her own side for the first time since her return.

"I love you." He sighed when he didn't get a reply.

He knew Elizabeth was pretending to be asleep and suffering. He just wished they didn't have to go to sleep angry. With this tension between them.

They had never gone to bed angry before. The had fought before going to bed and continued in the morning. However, they always kissed each other tonight and put their fight on hold.

He didn't blame her, though. She had been through hell and needed time to get her life back in order.

"I love you, too." He heard her whisper. Her back was still facing him, but he smiled at the words. Closing his eyes, he now allowed himself to rest.

 **TBC**


	11. Chapter 11: operose

**A/N: I know I say this every chapter but I am genuinely so thankful for all the reviews! I do keep your suggestions in mind when writing but it might take a while before I implement them into the storyline**

* * *

 **operose:** (adj.) involving or displaying a lot of effort.

Henry awoke around 2:30AM and looked around to find the cause. His wife was still next to him but squirmed around in her sleep. He refrained from waking her up because he knew if he woke her up from every nightmare, she would hardly get any sleep.

Though, this decision broke his heart. He didn't want to see her suffer like this.

Elizabeth let out a soft whimper, her eyelids twitching beneath the weight of whatever dream she was stuck in.

 _She felt a hand touch her face, and if she had any strength, she would flinch away from it, but it was a wonder that she was even slightly conscious._

 _She wasn't, though. Not really._

 _Everything was slipping away from her, and then-_

 _Then it's all gone._

 _The following time she regained consciousness, they had blinded her again which she realized after several failed attempts to clear her darkened vision. They failed because she found her wrists cuffed above her and she realized she was laying in the bed._

 _"Elizabeth," She heard one of the guards say. Then a hand was sliding over her body. She knew they had blinded her to keep her afraid of what was coming._

 _It could be anything._

 _She shuddered violently at the thought of this, at the memories of searing pain and tearing skin and the rough feel of hands holding her down._

 _"You can't ignore me forever." The man said, his hand moving to touch Elizabeth's cheek, fingernails digging in. "I will break you."_

When Elizabeth came awake up with a somewhat violent start, the first thing that she tried to do is ensure that she still had her vision. She turned on her nightlight and though the harsh light burned her eyes, she allowed herself a breath of relief.

Next, she realized she wasn't the only one who was awake. She found a worried and clearly flustered Henry next to her.

"You okay?" He asked, the lines around his eyes deep and worried.

It was late in the night, and he looked exhausted and like he was just about dead on his feet, but Elizabeth knew that he was doing the only thing he knew how to do; he was protecting the people that were his family. For now, that just meant watching over her.

"It was just a dream," She replied shakily, licking her lips and then swallowing almost convulsively against her dry throat. She blinked several times and allowed the room to come into focus. Already, the nightmare was fading, and she was coming back to reality slowly.

"Do you remember what it was about?"

"Did I say anything in my sleep?" She hedged.

"Just now or before? You've had a couple nightmares tonight, I think."

"Either," Elizabeth said thoughtfully.

"You said-" Henry swallowed hard and turned to properly face her. "You said 'you can't break me'."

"I see."

"Babe, can I please hold you?" His plea was desperate, and she rolled over and turned off the light. He sighed as he figured she once again shut him out.

That was until he felt her head on his chest and he maneuvered his hand under her neck and placed a protective hand on her back.

Her arm slowly made its way across his stomach until she held a tight grip on his shirt.

So much of her felt weak for needing him so close and she thought about ensuring him that she's fine, but then she would have to leave his embrace. The safety of his arms. She chose herself for once and stayed put in his grip.

Henry's worry for her kept him up most of the night. As he felt himself slipping away, and finally getting some rest, Elizabeth shot up once again.

She let out a whimper and flinched - not away from Henry, but rather away from the screaming ghosts in her own shattered mind - and suddenly her hands were trembling so fiercely. She suddenly jerked back like she had been struck and it was almost violent enough to shake Henry, but he found a way to hold on tighter.

"Please come back to me. I need you." He pleaded.

There was a long moment and then he saw her blink. It was clear that she was fighting her way back, but still was not enough to get there.

"You're okay. You're home and safe. The kids and I are okay." He struggled to hold her squirming body tight, but he didn't give up. The words seemed to have the right effect because she calmed down and stopped fighting his grip.

"Henry?"

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He placed a kiss on top of her head- somewhere in her hair- and started rubbing circles on her back.

"I'm sorry." She was on the verge of spilling the tears that were prickling in her eyes. "I'm sorry for fighting with you last night."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He promised her. It was a relief they had talked about it because it was something that bothered him.

"He needed me to give up completely; to surrender myself completely." She whispered, and Henry adjusted his grip on her. He hadn't expected her to talk about it.

"Did you?" His tone was gentle and careful, making sure not to trigger another fight.

"I never begged him to do anything. I told him to stop playing games." She left out the part where she was almost certain if she had surrendered, his enjoyment would probably have been over, and she would not be laying here right now.

"You never stopped fighting."

"No," she replied, her voice suddenly quiet. "I did not."

"Something inside of you wasn't willing to surrender; you escaped and came back to us."

"I know it's selfish, but I'm glad to know you didn't start dating as soon as I was gone."

"Well the kids promised not to tell, but there have been three new Mrs. Mccords." He teased, and he was glad to hear her laugh.

"What happened to them?" She played along.

"They weren't you." He then sighed. "Babe, it's not selfish and I've told you before, I could never move on from you."

She released herself from his grip and rolled over to her side to turn the light on. Next, she moved back to him and placed a hand on his cheek. She gently kissed him and popped her head on her arm.

"You want to know what the worst part was?" Henry's voice broke and she noticed tears in his eyes. "I got to see what my life would be like without you. Please promise me that you will never leave me again. That we will grow old together and be with each other for the rest of our lives."

She could imagine how much he missed her. She had missed him too. The only difference was, she knew he was still alive. He had spent a year mourning her. Thinking he lost her.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I never want to have to miss you as much as the last year."

"Go to sleep. I'll be right here if you need me." He promised her, and she surprised him by laying in his embrace again.

The following morning, Henry was the first one to be awake and found her still curled up in his arms. She looked peaceful in her sleep, for once. Not wanting to disturb that, he carefully slipped out of her grip and walked downstairs.

He found Will in the kitchen making eggs while Jason and Stevie sat at the breakfast table.

"Good morning." He said, and he got three replies in return. "Thanks for helping out."

"No problem." Will told him. "You want some eggs?"

"Thanks." He accepted the plate from his brother-in-law.

"So, uncle Will, what time is your flight?" Stevie asked, and Will now took place on the table as well.

"It's at five, so I need to leave here around lunch time."

"Then I guess we should say goodbye before I leave." Stevie finished her tea and pulled her uncle in for a hug. "Thanks for being here."

"I'll be back soon." He promised, and Stevie kissed her dad on the cheek.

"Bye dad."

"Bye." And with that Stevie was out the door.

"Can I see if mom's awake before I leave?" Jason asked and rushed upstairs when he saw his dad nod.

He carefully approached his parent's bedroom and peeked around the corner. He found his mother sitting on his dad's side of the bed, staring into the bathroom.

From the looks of it, she had attempted to get dressed, but was now sitting in her sweater and one leg into the pants. He wondered if he should give her some privacy to finish, but from the looks of it, she was too busy staring at something only she could see.

Before he made himself known, he held back a gasp when he noticed the bruised ankle his mother had. It had always been covered by sweatpants and fluffy socks.

Shaking the horrible images his mind came up with away, he knocked on the door. He saw his mother's eyes snap his way and they softened when she realized it was her son. Quickly, she finished getting dressed and Jason walked in.

"I just wanted to see if you were up before I go to school." Jason hesitantly sat on the bed and kept a respectful distance between the two of them.

Elizabeth wasn't having any of it and moved over to be closer to him. "Are you okay?"

"Does it hurt?" He blurted out and she raised an eyebrow in confusion, so he clarified. "Your ankle."

"No." She bit her lip. She wanted to protect her son, but she also knew he could see straight through her answer. "Sometimes."

"Is there more?"

"Jason." She sighed, and he nodded knowingly.

"Right. I'm too young to handle it."

"No." She put her arm around his shoulders. "You're too innocent. Jase, you can't un-know or un-see certain things."

"Just tell me. How bad is it?"

"Not at all bad. What you saw it probably the worst." She lied. She knew her metal scarring was the worst but that was something she was determent to protect her kids from. They didn't need to know that.

"I love you, mom." His arms now circled around her and she sighed as she felt herself relax in his embrace.

"I love you too." She let go and nudged him off the bed. "Now get to school."

"I can stay h-" He tried but she shook her head.

"Nope. Nice try. You're going to school. I'll still be here when you get back."

"Okay. Bye." He glanced back at his mother one last time before he left the room.

"How is she?" Will asked as soon as his nephew was upstairs.

"It was a long night." Henry sighed. "Quite a few nightmares."

"They will subside." Will promised him. He knew from experience the first few months were the hardest. And then came the anniversaries.

"I know. I just hate seeing her like this."

"Me too." Will let a silence fall as he sipped his coffee before continuing. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I know you're just trying to help."

"It's okay. None of us know what to do here." Henry wished someone could guide him. Or at least let him know he was handling things right and they were going in the right direction.

"Have you asked her if she wanted to see someone?"

"Not yet, but I was planning to."

"Good luck." He knew his sister well. She wasn't one for therapy. She didn't like talking about her feelings or showing weakness.

"Hey dad, I'm leaving." Jason walked downstairs with his bag on one shoulder. He said goodbye to his uncle before rushing out the door.

Elizabeth had spent the morning catching up with Will. Henry got some work done and gave the two siblings some time alone. They rarely ever saw each other and after the past year, they deserved a moment together.

What had surprised him, though, was the expression on his wife's face this morning. She looked like she was in pain somewhere, and not the mental kind. He was aware she'd previously had broken ribs and her throwing up could not be very helpful. He could imagine they would start to hurt again and moving would not improve that.

Then there was the bruised ankle. She had covered it up for the most part, and the swelling had gone down, but it was obvious every time she got dressed and fabric would touch it, it hurt. The bruises on the rest of her body were starting to fade and he was glad there would be at least one reminder less.

He figured he would talk to her about after Will left. There was so much they still needed to talk about, but he didn't want to push her. Or overwhelm her.

"Henry?" He heard Will yell through the house and he rushed to the kitchen. He slowed his pace when he found Elizabeth alright and unhurt, still sitting at the breakfast table. "I'm leaving."

"Alright. Thanks for coming." He pulled him in for a quick hug and watched as Elizabeth rose from her seat. The wince from getting up showed him she was in more pain than she let on, but he was just glad Will didn't notice.

"Call me when you get to London. I love you." She wrapped her arms around her and he held his sister tight.

"I love you too. Just get better and I promise I'll come over again soon."

She watched as her brother walked out and held on to Henry's hand. He gave it a squeeze for support and as soon as the door closed, she turned to him.

"We can do this, right?"

"What do you mean?" He was confused as to what she meant.

Elizabeth bit her lip and shifted her eyes to the door for a moment before they flickered back to him.

"This. Us. Me."

"Of course we can. I'm going to be by your side ever step of the way."

"But what if things never return to normal?"

He placed both hands on her shoulders and looked at her. "Stop thinking about 'what if'. But if that happens, we will adapt, okay?"

She nodded unconvincingly before resting her head on his chest. His arms circled around her and he held her in a loose grip.

"I forgot, but I had Stevie buy something for you yesterday." Henry guided her to the kitchen and she grabbed the counter for support while Henry grabbed a box. She looked at it curiously and watched as he opened it.

"All our numbers are already in there. This way you don't need my phone to text Ali." Henry handed her the phone and she gratefully accepted it. He always thought about everything.

"Thank you."

As she turned it on she saw the background of the lock screen was a selfie of her three kids. As soon as she unlocked it she saw the background of her phone was a picture of the five of them.

"We'll always be by your side." Henry promised her. She shook her head and looked up at him.

He didn't feel like he could possibly love her more than he did.

It was a terrifying word. Love . It was huge and insignificant and it was the biggest riddle for a man, but that was it. To love someone was a big responsibility. Hold a heart in his hands, which would be easy to crush and knock down.

Elizabeth had promised herself that she would take care of her family. When she was younger, she promised that if someone was brave enough to give her their heart, she would protect it because he gave it of his own free will, it was something special.

She knew how much her parents loved and adored her. However, losing her parents at such a young age had left an ache in her heart that Henry had managed to fill when they first got together.

What she felt was more than mere gratitude and deeper than affection and attention. She loved him. More than she could ever begin to describe.

That was love.

Between Henry and her. With the beautiful family they had created.

 **TBC**


	12. Chapter 12: kalopsia

**kalopsia:** (n.) the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.

After dinner, Elizabeth excused herself to go upstairs. She insisted she was fine and made Henry stay downstairs with the kids.

As soon as she reached the bedroom, she walked straight through to the bathroom. She hated that she couldn't hold in her food and rushed to the toilet. She emptied her stomach and got up. While brushing her teeth, she realized how badly her ribs hurt and just how dizzy she felt. Figuring she shouldjust lie down for a bit, she started walking to the bed.

"How is she really doing, dad?" Stevie asked after her mom had gone upstairs.

"She's getting better." Henry promised. Though she was still very much hurt, it was less each day.

"So what is-" Jason started but stopped when they heard a loud thump from upstairs. Like something heavy dropping to the floor.

Not wasting any time, Henry ran up the stairs two steps at a time, followed by his kids. He stopped dead in his tracks when he found his wife unconscious on the floor in their bedroom and quickly rushed to her side.

"Babe? Wake up. Elizabeth." He gently tapped her cheek but it didn't seem to work.

"Dad?" A terrified voice came from the doorway and his eyes snapped to his two kids.

"Call 911." He ordered but they were both in shock and didn't move. "Now!"

Stevie grabbed her cellphone and started dialing while Henry was still trying to wake Elizabeth up.

"Jason can you get me a wet cloth from the bathroom?" Jason followed his dad's orders and returned soon after with a cloth. He watched as his dad dapped his mom's forehead with it. Although nothing seemed to work in waking her up.

"They're on their way." Stevie told her dad and he nodded.

The few minutes it took for the ambulance to get there felt like hours. Henry couldn't believe she had fought to get back to them and he wasn't about to lose her now.

He couldn't go through grieving again. It had taken everything from him last time. He didn't think he would be able to do it again.

Stevie had waited downstairs for the ambulance to arrive and guided them upstairs to where her mom was.

Henry stepped aside so the paramedics could do their job and wrapped his kids close.

"I'm going to ride with mom. Will you two be okay getting there on your own?" Both kids nodded and he watched as the paramedics carried the stretcher with his wife downstairs. He climbed after them into the ambulance and off they went.

When she opened her eyes, the first things she did was close them again. The light was too bright and she let out an involuntary groan.

She heard someone call out for her but she felt herself slipping back into unconsciousness. She allowed the darkness to take over, trusting herself she would fight her way back the next time she got the opportunity to.

 _Elizabeth stopped screaming when the pain radiated all over her body. She was numb, and the adrenaline had run through her veins for hours. Or maybe it was only minutes?_

 _She couldn't see anything. A bag covered her face and judging by the hard, thorny floor, she was inside. With her hands tied behind her back, she lay on her side and tried to calm her breathing and regain her senses._

 _Do not panic. She took a deep breath. Do not panic_

 _He had challenged her to fight again._

 _There was the sound of the metal door opening and Elizabeth froze._

 _Breathe._

 _Inhale and exhale._

 _The sound of her breath echoed in her ears as noises approached her._ _A heavy boot connected with her ribs. She growled. She was aware that she already had bruises there._

 _The person knelt and she was lifted into a seating position. A pain radiated from behind her skull. She couldn't control her breathing anymore and groaned again._

 _"Slowly." The voice she recognized as one of the guards._

 _She struggled instinctively, but unbearable pain radiated into her ribs, leaving her momentarily immobilized._

 _"No." She growled, jabbing him with her right leg. She had hit him because the man screamed and fell backwards._

 _"Asong babae!" She couldn't understand what he was saying but she figured it was something along the lines of swearing. Calling her a bitch, perhaps._

 _She screamed when she received another blow in the stomach. She curled up instinctively, mentally preparing to receive a second, but the blow never came._

 _The man took off her handcuffs and the bag from her head. The only thing holding her in place now was the chain around her ankle. The metal door closed, and only Elizabeth's panting breath echoed._

The memory faded and in return she started hearing weird beeping noises. Like a heart monitor in a hospital. She slowly opened her eyes and it took her a while to get adjusted to her surroundings.

On her left she found Henry talking to her but she couldn't hear what he was saying. She focused on his lips and slowly her hearing returned.

"-you hear me?"

She figured out the rest of his question and she nodded. She looked around and found three kids asleep in chairs in the room. Even Alison had come and she sighed. This was the last thing she had wanted for her family.

"Can I get you anything? Do you need me to get a doctor?" Henry's voice was soft and she realized he didn't want to wake the kids. She shook her head no and grabbed his hand.

"I- I'm sorry." She just couldn't hold back her tears and she was glad her children were asleep. The last thing they needed after what happened was to see their mother in the middle of a breakdown.

"Shhh. It's okay. The doctor said you passed out because you had been throwing up and not eating that much."

"I'm sorry." She repeated. Henry's words went past her in a blur and she squeezed his hand desperately.

"Babe. You're okay."

She tugged on his arm and he leaned forward. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and held on for a little while. His hands were making circular motions on her back that soothed her. "Why can't I just feel normal again?"

"You will. We'll get there." Henry pushed back so she could lay down again and she felt her eyes getting heaving.

Henry grabbed her hand and moved it to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. "Rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

The first thing she heard was voices. It scared her and reminded her of all the times she had woken up and heard _his_ voice. As she continued listening, she realized the voices were familiar and she dared to open her eyes – notifying them she was awake.

"Mom, how are you feeling?" Stevie rushed to the side of the bed followed by her two siblings.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry I'm putting you guys through this."

"No." Alison grabbed her mother's hand. "You need time before you're back to your old self."

"Yeah we understand." Jason joined in and grabbed his mother's other hand.

"When did our kids get so smart and grown up?" Elizabeth looked at Henry who offered her a smile in return.

"Good morning, I see you're awake." A female doctor walked in and the kids stepped back so she could do her work. "My name is doctor Morgan."

"Can she go home?" Alison asked impatiently. She just wanted to be home and have her mom there with her.

"I need to speak to your mother for a moment." Doctor Morgan looked at both parents for help and Henry got up.

"Kids why don't we wait outside for a moment?" He got up to go after them but Elizabeth quickly grabbed his hand. She needed him to stay with her and so Henry sat down as the kids left the room

"You passed out last night and we would like to put you on a dieting schedule. It's very important that you gain some of your weight again. We also want to put you on vitamins, especially vitamin D. Other than that we want you to keep an eye on your weight as well. I will have a dietician come by before you leave so you can set up a plan."

"And that will keep her from feeling dizzy and nauseous?" Henry looked at the doctor hopeful. He wished this would bring them one step closer to healing.

"That's what we hope." When neither one had any more questions, the doctor left the room and told all three kids they could go back in.

"So can you go home?"

"Not yet." Elizabeth smiled. "But your dad is taking you three home."

"No we want to stay." Jason argued and his sister's agreed.

"Please." Elizabeth sighed, not in the mood for a discussion.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?" Henry asked. She hadn't really been alone since she returned. He was always in the house or close by.

"Go take them home and then come back to pick me up. I'm sure by then I'm cleared to go." Henry squeezed her hand and walked out, followed by the kids.

Elizabeth sighed as she watched her family walk out. She felt immediate panic and had to refrain herself from calling Henry back in. She guided herself to deep breaths.

It was scary, how vulnerable she felt without Henry by her side. She couldn't bare to be without him but also flinched away nearly every time he came close to her.

That man was her rock. He was everything to her. He was always supportive, always caring and most importantly, not afraid to be the man next to the woman.

That wasn't something a lot of men would have had the courage to do. But Henry was different. He was her biggest supporter, her pillar when things got hard and by her side no matter what. He wasn't afraid to stand in her shadow. He wasn't threatened when she became a woman in power.

He was everything she had been looking for and now things had changed. She wanted it to go back to how they used to be. Madly in love and annoying their kids with the amount of affection they showed for each other.

When Henry returned to the hospital after dropping the kids off at home, he noticed an unfamiliar woman leaving his wife's room.

"Who was that?" He took a seat next to her bed and took off his jacket.

"The dietician. She helped me with a schedule. She's printing it now and then I can go home." She reached out and Henry grabbed her hand.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She brushed her hand through her hair, releasing some of the knots that had formed.

"I mean this was the first time you were alone since.." Henry's voice trailed off. He couldn't finish that sentence but he knew she would understand what he meant.

"It was," Elizabeth thought about how to correctly express herself for a moment. "It was scary. But it also showed me that I wanted you back by my side as soon as possible. That's something I'm taking as a step in the right direction."

"It is but babe, I don't ever want you to force your recovery. Next time if you want me here, please tell me."

"I have to be able to be by myself some time."

"No you don't. I told you, I'm never leaving you again." Henry rubbed the back of her hand and she grinned.

"So, you're my new bodyguard now, are you?"

"To protect and serve." He smiled and the dietician walked back in.

"You're free to go." The words caused a chill to go down her spine, but Elizabeth smiled grateful. They managed to get into the car and drive off without being seen.

Elizabeth was lost in her thought and didn't notice they had already reached the house until Henry gently touched her arm.

"Ready?"

She nodded and he guided her inside. She was met by her three kids who helped her to the couch and she sighed. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought. She knew they meant well but they were overwhelming.

"Kids, why don't you make your mom some tea." Henry watched the kids walk out and sat down next to her.

Elizabeth turned to face him and Henry's hand settled on her cheek but she slapped it away with her own.

"Sorry. I should've asked." Henry apologized as he pulled his hand back. He knew she had told him not to place his hand there. It reminded her of _him_.

"You don't have to ask." Elizabeth sighed. "I'm so tired. I'm so tired of feeling like this."

Henry figured now was as good a time as any to suggest therapy. "Maybe you should talk to someone."

"No." She fiercely protested. "I'll talk to you, Henry."

"Babe, I'm not equipped for this."

She moved closer to him and grabbed his hand in hers before pressing it against her own cheeks. She pushed down the hurt and tears appeared in her eyes. "Please."

"Okay. You don't have to push yourself." Henry moved his hand from her cheek to the back of her head. "I've got a few things to do for work. Will you be alright? I'll stay in the house."

"Go. I've got three kids at my disposal." Elizabeth grinned and watched Henry walk out. Stevie returned soon after with tea while the two youngest kids were making food.

"Mom, is there anything I can do for you or dad?"

"No baby. Thank you, though."

"Would you two like the house to yourself this weekend? I could take Jase and Ali somewhere."

"No, why?"

"It's just that- I know things have changed, but you and dad used to show an almost annoyingly amount of affection for each other, yet now we haven't seen you two kiss at least once."

"Stevie.."

"Mom, you don't have to tell me anything, but I'm not stupid."

"Your dad and I might not be as 'touchy' as we used to be, but we're getting there." She explained to her eldest daughter. "He spent more than a year thinking I was gone. We can't just go back to how it was before."

"But you two aren't breaking up?"

"No!" Elizabeth spoke forcefully. "Do your siblings think that too?"

Stevie nodded and Elizabeth's eyes widened slightly. The last thing she wanted her kids to worry about was their parents splitting up.

"Get your dad, Ali and Jase, please."

Stevie hesitantly got up and gathered everyone before walking to her mom again.

"Is everything okay?" Alison asked worried as she took place next to her mother on the couch.

"Yes. I'm fine. However, there's something we need to talk about." She glanced at Henry who was just as confused as their two youngest children. "Stevie told me you guys are worried your dad and I might be splitting up."

"What?" Henry frowned as he sat down on the armrest of the couch, placing a supportive hand on his wife's shoulder.

"If you guys are. Just tell us." Jason sighed.

"We're not!" Henry promised.

"We might not show as much affection as before but I still love your father very much." Elizabeth grabbed his hand from her shoulder and squeezed it.

"And I still love your mom."

Alison tilted her head a little as she shifted her gaze from her mom to her dad. "But you two used to be inseparable. It's not like before."

"Nothing is like before." Elizabeth sighed. "But you and your dad are stuck with me."

"Just how I like it." Henry kissed the top of her head and she leaned backwards against his form.

"Promise?" Alison asked and both parents nodded.

"Promise."

"Now get your mom some food while I finish up a few things and we'll eat together." Henry handed Stevie the dieting plan and the two girls jumped up to make some food while Henry left too.

 **TBC**


	13. Chapter 13: pulchritudinous

**a/n: thanks for reminding me to** **update!**

* * *

 **pulchritudinous** (ajd.) breathtaking, heartbreaking beauty.

"I kind of have a girlfriend." Jason blurted out as his sisters were making dinner and his dad was doing some work. He heard his mom gasp and quickly added, "Nothing official, though."

"What? Tell me more." Elizabeth turned to her son for details and wasn't sure why he hadn't mentioned it before.

"Her name is Piper." He took out his phone and pulled up a picture to show his mom. "Don't tell Stevie or Ali I have a picture, or I'll never hear the end of it."

"She's pretty." Elizabeth commented and tried to push down the sadness of not having been there the past year.

"She's really smart and funny and passionate."

Elizabeth watched as her son's face lit up when he talked about his girlfriend. Something she hadn't seen before. It was nice to see he hadn't completely stopped his life after what happened. "But it's not official yet?"

"No." He tucked his phone back into his pocket. "But after the past year, life's too short to not live it."

"I do want to meet her though." Elizabeth said seriously, and he nodded with a smile.

"On a day where neither of the girls are home." He told her, and she agreed.

"I missed you." Elizabeth spoke. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but it just slipped out.

"I missed you too, mom." He put his arms around her and she held him close. He had gotten so much bigger and was now taller than her.

"Now tell me more about Piper." She pushed back and waited for him to continue.

"She really gets my ideas and she's not afraid to speak her mind." Jason started but before he could continue, Stevie walked in with lunch while Alison got her dad.

They all had lunch together and although it took way more effort than it should have, Elizabeth managed to finish her food. She listened to Stevie telling them about a crazy day she'd had with Russell a few weeks ago and every now and then her eyes shifted to Henry.

Catching her gaze, he frowned worried before mouthing, 'you okay?'

She nodded in responds and continued to listen to her daughter. Most of the story went past her because she was more focused on her family that the plot, but she just laughed along with the rest of the family when they did.

"We'll clean up." Stevie told their parents once they were finished and before Henry could protest, all kids jumped into action and walked towards the kitchen.

"Do you have some more work to do?" Elizabeth asked, and Henry shook his head no. It wasn't anything that could wait.

"Is there something you want to do?"

"Just- sit here with me." She grabbed hold of his hand and started to play with the wedding ring on his finger. Her own one was still on her neck, but she needed something to fiddle with.

"Are you nervous?" Henry nodded at the way she was touching the ring.

"No. I just like the reminder that you're actually here."

"I had an idea." Henry started, "If you want, we could go to the farm this weekend? We'll have more freedom to do what we want without the press butting in."

"You kept the farm?" Elizabeth asked in disbelieve. With a single income, she figured Henry had gotten rid of it.

"It's our retirement. Plus, I was a nice place for us to remember you." Henry admitted, and she sighed. She loved that Henry had still cared so much even after he thought she was gone. She knew she married the right man.

"But- How?"

"Will pitched in and so did the kids."

"Henry." She said with a disapproving tone.

"Not from their savings but Ali has been making some money online with her fashion tutorials and Stevie with her internship." Henry explained. "Besides, we talked about it and they would all rather have a place that reminded them of you, than the latest phone or sneakers."

"Our kids are amazing." Elizabeth sighed.

"They take after their mother." Henry smiled. "So, do you want to go?"

"Yes!" Elizabeth spoke excitedly. No matter how happy she was that she was home, she wanted to get out of the house and not feel locked in.

"What else?"

"What do you mean?" Elizabeth looked at him confused and turned herself to him, ignoring the pain in her ribs.

"If you could do or get anything in the world, what would you want?"

"The past year back, but I get what you mean. I want to have a date night with you." Her hand brushed through his hair and moved back to his cheek. She brushed her thumb lovingly across his cheek and stared into his eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"I love you, Henry and I want to fight for us. I know things aren't going back to normal after one night, but I want to try."

"Okay. I have an idea." Henry proposed, "How about we go on Friday and the kids join us on Saturday?"

Elizabeth didn't want to leave her kids or be separated from them, but she knew she had to let them go at some point anyways. To get over her fears.

"Sounds good."

The kids joined them soon after and they settled for watching a movie. Elizabeth's thoughts started to wander to her parents. She was glad they hadn't gone through mourning her as well, but she really missed them.

In moments like this, she just needed her mother to reassure her everything would be alright. Or her dad to tell her to keep going and not give up.

Henry had given her a family of her own and she was forever grateful, but she would have loved for her kids to have met their grandparents. It wasn't fair.

Life wasn't fair.

For some reason, bad things kept happening in her life and she could really use some parental guidance.

Henry's mother had always treated her as family, despite Henry's siblings. She had been welcomed into the family and accepted by her.

Once the movie was over, and they had dinner together, Elizabeth lay in bed. Everything was still tiring and exhausting.

Henry lay down next to her with a book on his nightstand to read as soon as she was asleep. He wasn't going to leave her.

"Good night." She lay down, facing him while he still sat up in bed.

"Good night." His hand brushed her hair for a moment before he lowered himself to her. Just as he was about to place a kiss on her temple, she turned and caught his lips with her own.

"I'll be right beside you." Henry whispered, and she nodded as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Henry fell asleep about an hour after her with his book on his chest.

At 4am, Henry woke up and instinctively moved to find his wife. His eyes shot open when he found her side of the bed empty.

Had his mind played tricks on him? Had it all just been a dream? Tears already welled up and he wished he could return to his dream. That was until his eye fell on her clothes on the chair and her glass of water on her nightstand.

He sighed with relief as he got out of bed and made his way downstairs. He heard noises and soon realized the TV was on.

He found her sitting in the couch looking at a news repeat from earlier that night. Her face was on the screen and Henry picked up the remote and turned it off.

"Babe." He sighed and sat down next to her. That's when he saw the tear streaks on her cheeks and he wrapped one arm around her.

"I-" She chocked on her words and let out a sob. Henry held her even closer and waited for her to calm down.

"You're safe. It doesn't matter what anyone says or writes, I love you and our kids love you and you're home." Henry promised her as he stroked her back. He had been aware of the different rumours going around after her return.

Most news outlets were saying what kind of a miracle it was and how happy everyone was with her safe return. However, there were a few stories going around saying they planned it, or it was a play from the US government.

And of course, there were stories that were dismissed rather quickly, saying she was a clone or pretending to be Elizabeth Mccord.

Though, the stories accusing her of lying about the whole ordeal were the ones Henry took personally. No one knew what his wife had gone through; and even he only knew parts. There was no way he would let her be accused of making it all up.

The kids and he had managed to keep her from watching the news, but she had finally seen what the outside world thought. He had hoped to shield her from it for at least a little while longer.

Elizabeth had calmed down a bit and now lay silently in his embrace.

"It was scary." Henry admitted, causing her to look up.

"What do you mean?"

"Waking up just now. Without you. It felt awfully familiar and I don't ever want to wake up without you again."

"Me neither." She rested her head on his chest and listened to the calming rhythm of his heartbeat. They feel asleep together on the couch until Stevie walked downstairs the following morning to get ready for work and found them.

"Guys." She whispered as she gently touched her dad.

"Hey." He spoke in a sleeping tone before looking around where he was. Events of the night before came back, and he remembered Elizabeth having watched the news.

"Did you guys sleep here?"

Elizabeth now slowly awoke as well and sat up. She let out a groan when she felt a screeching pain on her side. The uncomfortable position she had slept in caused her ribs to hurt even more.

"What's wrong?" Both Henry and Stevie looked at her with deep worry in their eyes.

"I'm fine. I just slept in an awkward position." She watched as Stevie walked to the kitchen and looked at Henry for help. "Can you help me up?"

Henry grabbed her hand and guided her to a standing position. The fact that she had asked for help showed him she was in more pain than she was willing to let on.

She took a deep breath and slowly the pain ebbs and slid back into being a constant discomfort right beneath the surface of her awareness.

She let go of Henry and managed to walk to the breakfast table to sit down and have breakfast with her daughter. Not soon after the other two joined them as well.

"Mom and I wanted to go to the farm this weekend and we were planning on going Friday. If you guys want, you can join us on Saturday?" Henry suggested and the waited for the kids' reaction.

"Yes!" Alison said excited. "I can show mom my room make over."

"I'm in." Jason said, and they agreed Stevie would drive them out on Saturday.

"Wait don't you have school?" Jason now noticed the fact that his sister was at home while she should be at college.

"I talked to the administration and they allowed for some time off." She explained and saw her parents' worry. "I'm not failing this semester, I promise!"

"Alright. Well it's good to have you home, noodle."

"Since that means you'll be home all day; anything mom needs, you get." Henry told his daughter and she nodded.

Elizabeth sighed. "I can still do things myself, you know."

"But now you don't have to."

"I have to go to work, Jase do you still want a ride?" Stevie watched as her brother jumped up and stuffed the last of his breakfast in his mouth.

She placed a kiss on her mother's head. "Bye mom, love you. Bye dad."

Jason followed her, and they were out the door.

"Anything you want to do, mom?" Alison asked. "We could do some online shopping to get you a new wardrobe."

"I guess I should get some work done then." Henry grinned and got up.

"I promise not to spend all your savings." Elizabeth yelled after him and heard him laugh.

"So, this year there are a lot of new things and colours in fashion like-" Elizabeth listened to her daughter go on about the latest trend and realized how much she had missed hearing her talk about her passion.

Admittedly, she had pretended to talk to her kids the past year. She would close her eyes and if she tried hard enough she could almost pretend it was real.

She would have endless conversation with her children. Not just her children. She would find some sort of comfort in talking to Henry.

She would spend hours imagining what he or their kids would be doing. Would they be having fun with friends? Stuck doing homework?

Henry was busy doing work but quickly his mind started to wander. He loved having his wife back, and he could see his kids getting back to normal, but there was still a wedge between him and Elizabeth.

He knew things wouldn't go back to normal within a week. He had her home, but her mind was still back there. She had fought to get back, yet something was still pulling her away.

After losing her, he had spent hours thinking about conversations they'd had. Things they had fought about that now seemed so unimportant. Arguments over basically nothing.

She was something to live for and always had been. A light in his life. Yet when the darkness came, he realized life was as fragile as a dream.

She had left him without any warning and he prayed every day for a miracle that she would come back.

To her kids.

To him.

The first morning after her passing had been the hardest. He woke to her goodbye. He always thought he would be the first to leave.

Months later, the dust had settled since she left but his heart hadn't mended yet and he doubted it ever would. Night were endlessly long, and he dreaded them more and more. Laying in that bed without her felt uncomfortable.

And most certainly not how it had been supposed to.

He would spend hours just twisting and turning, hoping sleep would come. To go to a dream world where this horrible reality wasn't true. However, every night he would find himself alone.

Every morning it would hit him like a ton of bricks and felt like he got punched in the stomach. The emotions would come flooding in and every single day again, he would quickly pass through the five stages of grief.

A quick glance at the clock made him realize it was time for lunch and he had barely gotten any work done. Luckily, he had time to do it this afternoon. Getting up, he made his wife over to his wife and daughter on the couch.

 **TBC**


	14. Chapter 14: querencia

**a/n: enjoy this new chapter!**

* * *

 **querencia:** (n.) a place from which one s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.

After a while, Henry pushed away his work. He was finished and wanted to check up on his wife before starting on lunch

"So do we need a second mortgage on the house?" Henry teased and Alison stuck out her tongue.

"Very funny dad. Mom's been very picky with spending money so, don't worry."

"Babe, you can buy whatever you want." He told her as he walked backwards towards the kitchen. "I'm making lunch for us."

"Mom, would you mind if I did some homework this afternoon? I'll do it downstairs to keep you company."

"Of course not." Elizabeth promised her. "But you didn't have to shop with me if you had stuff to do, baby."

"I like spending time with you." Alison quickly hugged her mother before joining her dad in the kitchen to help with lunch.

Barely twenty-four hours had passed since Elizabeth had started her new diet and she was already done with it. There was too much and all the pills and vitamins she had to take were starting to get annoying. She decided to eat lunch quickly and just get it over with.

"I'm going to do some homework upstairs." Alison announced after she finished as well, leaving her parents alone.

"Do you want to pack yourself or should I ask Ali later to help?"

"I can do it." She smiled, "Ali should focus on school."

"The FBI called today as well. They wanted to ask you a few more questions so I scheduled a meeting for Monday. Unless you're not ready?"

"It's fine." She promised him and watched as he cleared the table. He moved around efficiently and she truly saw how much the past year had changed his routine. "I think I'll get started on packing."

Slowly, she rose from her chair. Though Henry kept a close eye on her, he didn't offer to help. She managed to walk up the stairs and reach the bedroom, before sitting down on the bed.

Only then did she realize she had no idea where her suitcase was and if he had even kept it. Not in the mood to walk up and down the stairs again, she grabbed the phone from the nightstand and called downstairs.

"Hello?" She heard Henry and she chuckled at how ridiculous the situation was. She was calling even though he was in the same house.

"Hey, I was wondering if you kept my suitcase?"

"Yeah, it's in the basement. I'll get it for you and bring it up in a minute. I'm almost finished loading the dishwasher."

"My hero." She laughed before hanging up.

It was weird how little things like that could mean so much to her. Simply calling her husband or online shopping with her kids. These were the kinds of things she had dreamed of doing again the past year.

Her life was complete again, but somehow her mind couldn't accept that. She couldn't process she was safe. She could manage during the day, but at night when she slept her mind took over. Her thoughts would wander back to that terrible place.

She would see _him._ What he did to her. What he made her do. She would remember and relive every horrible moment and she didn't think she would be able take it much longer.

She was tired and exhausted. Every night she would fight off sleep best she could, but eventually her body would give in and she was forced to face her nightmares.

"Babe?" Her head snapped towards where she heard the voice from and found Henry in the doorway with her suitcase.

He dropped it as soon as he saw the distress on her face and sat down next to her on the bed. Pulling her in for a hug, he guided the two of them into a laying position and they now lay cuddled on the bed.

"I'm so tired." Her voice was shaking but she refused to let her emotions get the best of her.

"Go sleep then. I'll stay with you." He whispered as he stroke his hand through her hair. She had her head on his chest and sighed.

"I can't. Every time I close my eyes, I see _him._ It's like I'm back there again."

"Do you remember when you got that self-made stove from girls in Togo? And we boiled eggs in the backyard?"

"Yeah?" She wasn't sure where he was going with this or why he was bringing it up right now.

"Do you remember when we got it to work? How happy the kids were? Do you recall the smiles on their faces?"

"Yes." She replied and her lips curled up into a smile as she recalled the memory.

"Now keep that image and close your eyes; just for a second." He looked down and saw her slowly closing her eyes.

She tried her best to keep the image of her kids in her mind and she managed to keep her eyes closed for a little while before her thoughts started to wander off and she opened her eyes.

"Thank you." She looked up and he pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Ready to do some packing?" She nodded and he helped her into a sitting position. "You sit and pack and tell me which clothes while I get them."

Elizabeth sat on the bed next to her suitcase and Henry handed her the clothing so she could pack. It surprised her how much memories a simple piece of clothing brought back.

She noticed her white blouse that she wore on her first day on the job. Her Harvard (just kidding) sweater that Henry had bought for her as a preset once. A shirt she had gotten from Jason on her birthday a few years ago.

It were the simple things that brought back so much positive energy and she smiled as she finished packing.

"Mom? Dad? We're home!" Stevie yelled from downstairs. Even though they still had a few more things to pack, she wanted to go downstairs and be with her kids.

Each of them gave her a hug when she managed to make it downstairs with Henry following closely behind.

"How was work?" Elizabeth asked with an interest while Henry started making dinner.

"Long." Stevie replied before collapsing on the couch.

"School?" She asked Jason and he simply shrugged his shoulders before joining his sister on the couch.

"Glad to see things going back to normal." She mumbled before walking back to the kitchen and leaning on the counter. "Can I help?"

"I could always use the company." Henry said cheesy and she rolled her eyes.

"Very nice, professor." She chuckled. "But I meant actual help."

"I got it. Go sit down." He told her and she raised her eyebrows. He knew she didn't want to be treated as an invalid and that wasn't what he had meant so he added, "To be with the kids."

Henry finished making dinner in record time and had managed to get everyone at the table. Dinner went by quite fast and everyone told them about the day they'd had.

"So what time will you be leaving tomorrow?" Alison asked her mother while clearing the table.

"Not sure. You should ask your dad." Elizabeth looked over to where Henry was standing in the kitchen with Stevie. "What are you two gossiping about?"

"None of your business." Stevie laughed as finished cleaning up as well. However, her dad had asked her to get a few things for tomorrow. He wanted it to be perfect.

Elizabeth smiled and her eye caught the clock on the microwave. She wasn't sure why but something in her mind clicked. Around this time last week she had escaped. She had only been here for a week, though fortunately it felt like much longer.

It didn't change the fact that last week she had still been locked inside. The world thinking she was dead. Her kids thinking she was gone.

Henry thinking he was a widow.

The past week had felt like heaven to her, but it had been an emotional rollercoaster. With major ups and downs, she had survived the first week. She was certain things would only be going uphill from here on.

"Mom?" She heard Jason's voice and she found her entire family staring at her with worry.

"I'm fine." She reassured them. "It's just- This time last week, I was…"

She couldn't finished her sentence but everyone knew what she had wanted to say. Alison on was the first one to get up and give her a hug, followed by Jason and Stevie until Henry put his arms around the group.

"I love you guys." She managed to get out and everyone stayed huddled together for a little while longer.

"We love you, too." Jason whispered.

"We should celebrate tonight. Your one week anniversary." Alison joked as she let go and the group hug ended.

"I'm not sure-" Henry started. He knew everyone was happy Elizabeth was back, but this might have been too much. It wasn't necessarily something worth celebrating and be reminded of.

Though, Elizabeth thought otherwise. "I like that, noodle."

"We could pop in a movie?" Stevie suggested.

"I think I've watched enough for a while. How about an old-school game night?" She suggested. They used to play board games when they lived on the farm. Ever since moving here and her job, she rarely had time.

"Yes. I'm going to destroy you in monopoly." Jason told his sisters but Henry stopped him.

"How about scrabble?" He suggested. He didn't really want a game that involved going to jail and being locked up in a time like this.

"Yes!" Elizabeth thought back about all the nights back in the day where she had played scrabble with Henry. They would order takeout and spend the entire night playing games.

"Scrabble it is." Stevie jumped up to gather the game and the rest of the family moved to the couch.

After only a few round, the first protest started. "That's not a word." Stevie told Jason.

"Says the college dropout." Stevie stuck out her tongue at her brother's witty remark.

"Oh nice!" Alison high-fived her brother.

"Settle down." Henry growled and Elizabeth laughed. She loved the family dynamic and moments like this.

In the end, Henry won which didn't surprise Elizabeth a bit. He would always win when they played and if he didn't, he let her win.

That was one of the things she loved about him. He wouldn't let her win often and she was always happy he didn't treat her like that.

"Okay mom, time for bed." Alison got up while Stevie put the game away.

"I'm not a child." Elizabeth pointed out with a smile. "And I'm certainly not yours."

"No, but I am yours." Alison replied.

"And as your kids, we'll protect you." Jason joined in.

"I'm not your responsibility." Elizabeth sighed. She didn't want her kids to feel like they needed to take care of her.

"But you are mine so off to bed." Henry nudged her a bit and she sighed as she got off the couch.

A little while later, she lay in bed with Henry beside her. She just stared at him while he stared back at her.

"What is it?" He whispered.

"Your eyes."

"What about them?"

"The way that you look at me. It makes me feel alive."

Henry frowned at the odd choice of words but then smiled. He couldn't- nor wanted to- imagine the thoughts that had gone through her mind during the past year.

"I love you, so much." Henry told her.

"I love you, too."

"May I?" She nodded and he leaned in to plant a kiss on her lips. He pulled away and Elizabeth wanted that to change. She wanted them to go back to before.

Grabbing ahold of his hand, she closed her eyes while he watched over her. It didn't take long before she drifted off to sleep.

She managed to sleep through the night, though woke up the following morning from a terrible nightmare. She looked around, but didn't find Henry.

Calming herself down, she reassured herself she was safe at home and he couldn't hurt her anymore.

Her anxiety was off the charts and for a few frightening moments, this fear caused her brain to short out and everything went cold and numb and fuzzy.

These were the types of moments she really needed Henry. She wouldn't call him though, she didn't want to risk her kids seeing her like this.

She forced herself to deep breaths. Inhaling and exhaling again. She reminded herself that her family deserved to see the best part of her after this past year. Not the wrecked and broken, sad part of her that remained.

Slowly getting up, she joined her family downstairs for breakfast. She was sad to see Jason and Stevie had already left and she wished she could've said good-bye to them. She wouldn't see them for another day.

"Do you still want to go?" Henry sensed her doubts and she nodded.

"What time should we be there tomorrow?" Alison asked as she ate. She wanted to give her parents as much time as she needed.

"Before lunch?" Henry suggested and she nodded.

"Not sure we'll get Jase out of bed in the morning, but we'll try our best."

Elizabeth had finished packing her suitcase and it was now standing by the door. She had changed in jeans, despite Henry's protests, and a sweater.

"Promise you're okay with us going? We can still stay." Elizabeth bit her lip as she looked at her daughter.

"I promise. You'll see me in less than twenty-four hours."

"I love you." She wrapped her daughter tight and held on a little longer. Somehow this was hard and she was secretly glad she didn't have to say good-bye to her two other kids as well. She was certain she would've stayed home if she'd had to.

"Love you too. Bye dad." Alison shared a quick hug with her dad before waving them off.

 **TBC**


	15. Chapter 15: insouciant

**a/n: SORRY! I was in the middle of finals and I just disappeared, I apologize. But I am back with new chapters! I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **insouciant** **:** (adj.) free from worry, concern or anxiety

They managed to get Elizabeth in the car undetected and drove off. There was still a two men security detail which she found ridiculous but figured it was something for later.

"Are you okay?" Henry grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips to place a kiss on it.

"Yeah." Her voice was shaky but stern and she looked out the window.

How much things had changed in only a week. This time last week she had been in an airplane on her way home. Something she had given up on. That wouldn't be possible, yet here she was.

Reunited with her kids and husband. It was the best feeling in the world and words couldn't begin to express how much she had missed them.

Thinking back, this time last month she had been in that room. Still his prisoner with no chance of ever escaping. She had given up hope and was near ready to surrender.

What good was keeping up the fight. It didn't seem to make a difference to him. In fact, he seemed to only enjoy it more.

Once taken, she figured she would be rescued within forty-eight hours. When the first month passed by, she figured it would take a bit longer but never had she imagined it would be over a year.

More than twelve months separated from her family. Her friends. Her colleagues. The people she loved.

Realizing there was no one coming from her because no one knew she was alive had hit her hard. She had been in a downwards spiral until she realized the only way out, was to do it herself.

After months of trying to reason. Of hoping for a way out, she knew no one was coming to save her because no one knew about her.

The world thought she was dead.

"Look." Henry pointed outside the car window as the saw the farm in the near distance. They hadn't spoken a word the entire car ride.

Upon seeing the farm, a smile broke loose on her lips and she was eager to get out. She knew there was still a risk of the press laying about, but she didn't care. She wanted to be outside and walk freely.

Once they reached the farm, she got out and the agents helped put her suitcase inside.

"So what do you want to do first?" Henry asked as he grabbed two glasses.

"Go outside." As soon as he put the glasses on the counter, she grabbed his hand and dragged him outside.

They started a walk around the house and Elizabeth kept looking around and up at the sky. It was one of those things she had missed dearly during the past year.

"How are you?" Henry asked and Elizabeth rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to walk.

"I'm okay."

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Not really." She admitted. She hadn't told him about her latest nightmare yet, but it wasn't something she was particularly interested in doing right now either.

"Anything you want to tell me?"

"It's pretty much the same as the others."

They finished their walk around the house and by the time they were done, Elizabeth was tired. She didn't want to be inside, but she needed to sit down.

They had never been alone like this before and it scared Henry a bit. There was no kids coming to help her if she didn't want him. No backup.

She had made it clear she didn't need the kids. That she needed him but things could change.

"Do you trust me?" Elizabeth stepped in front of Henry and he stopped what he was doing to look at her.

"With everything I have."

She was scared to death of his touch and that had to change. She wanted them to work on it. Together.

"I want to try something. I want you to do everything he did."

"What? No! I'm not hurting you." His voice louder than he intended and he took a step back in. Had she gone mad?

"I don't mean that." She tried to reassure him and stepped closer. Grabbing his hand she placed it on her cheek.

Henry moved his hand to the back of her head as she had asked him to do a few days ago but she stopped him. "Put it back."

Hesitantly, he withdrew his hand until it lay on her cheek. He could see her fighting inner battles to not flinch away from his touch.

"Babe-"

"Give me your other hand." She order and he offered it to her. Slowly, she maneuvered it until she placed it on her neck.

Henry wondered what it meant and what had happened to her. Then, his mind put two and two together and realized he must have chocked her at some point.

"Now kiss me." She told him but he stood frozen in place. His mind was still processing what was going on so she leaned forwards and kissed him.

His hands still on her cheek and neck, she brushed her lips against his and eventually he kissed back.

After a while, she pulled back and Henry lowered his hands to his side.

"I'm sorry, Henry. I'm really trying." She apologized.

"Don't be! You've only been home for a week. Do you know how proud I am of you? But you're pushing yourself too hard." Henry promised her and she looked down with a slight blush on her cheeks.

"I just- I don't want you to wake up one morning and wonder why you're still bothering with me." The tears in her eyes when she looked up caused him to sighed and pull her in a tight hug. One she desperately needed.

"Elizabeth Adams Mccord. I promise you that until the day I die, I will always stand by your side. I will always support you and I will love you unconditionally. I promise to never leave you or the kids."

"I love you." A sob came from somewhere buried in his shoulder and her wrapped his arms around her even tighter.

"I love you, too."

He held on until he felt her loosen her grip. He pushed her back and with his thumbs, he dried the tears on her face.

A beautiful smile broke out on her face and he smiled before kissing her forehead. "Ready for some lunch?"

"Yes." She slumped down on one of the chairs as Henry set the table.

"I never got to ask how you handled things here while I was gone."

"We managed." A sighed left his mouth as he thought back of the past year.

So many things had happened where he had really needed the support of his wife. Whether it was something with Jason at school or girl stuff with Alison or Stevie.

"I'm sorry you had to go at it alone."

"Well," Henry started as he sat down opposite of her. "the worst part was always having to put the shams on the big pillows."

Elizabeth let out a laugh as she remembered the both of them agreeing it was the worst job in the whole house. "I guess I'm on pillow duty for the next year."

"Yeah, you've got a lot to make up for." Henry teased and saw her smile.

They ate in silence for a little while, both deep in thought. Elizabeth couldn't imagine she had only been back for a week. It felt like much longer but also not at all.

Thinking back, she wondered what had happened to the people who helped her escape. What would happen to the people who took her? Was _he_ still in charge? Did the United States retaliate? So many unanswered questions.

However, her head started to spin and she quickly pushed her thoughts aside. Looking up from her plate, she noticed Henry was already finished so she quickly did too.

"Anything you want to do today?"

"I want to go outside again." She told him. "but right now, I just want to enjoy us."

Henry let himself be guided to the couch, leaving the dishes for later. He sat down and held his wife close as they lay down.

"I asked to call you." Elizabeth suddenly let out. She was playing with Henry's wedding ring on his hand that he protectively put around her and gently rested on her stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was there, I asked to call you. I just wanted you to know I was still alive." She sighed. "I did call, days before I escaped."

"You called me?"

"Yes but I hung up."

"Wait that was you?" Henry asked in disbelieve. He remembered the phone call but figured it was either a prank call or a wrong number. "Why did you hang up?"

"I figured if me escaping went south, you wouldn't have to go through mourning me, again." She stopped fiddling with his ring and closed her eyes. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that her family had mourned her death.

"But I would've had a chance to talk to you again." He intertwined his fingers with hers as she rested her head against his chest. "Do you know how many times I just wished to hear your voice again? To talk to you for even just a minute."

"Do you know how many 'pretend' conversations we've had while I was there." Elizabeth chuckled. So many times she would pretend to talk to her kids or Henry, just to keep her sane. To get her through the day. "The one thing no one will ever be able to take from me is my memories of you."

"Let me guess, you always won the arguments in those conversations." He teased and she laughed.

"Of course." Her laughter died down and her tone became serious again. "Henry, I died."

"Yes, but you came back."

"I still died. I'm so sorry for putting you through that. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you."

"For me? You were the one that got taken." He would never be able to fully comprehend how she could be so selfless in times like this.

"But at least I knew you were still alive."

"I gave up on you. I should've known."

"You couldn't have known. The entire world thought I was dead."

Henry squeezed her hand a little and took a breath to control his anger. "Yes, but they weren't married to you for over twenty-five years."

"Wait are we even still married?" Elizabeth suddenly wondered. It wasn't like this happened everyday and there were rules for it.

"To me we are, but legally I have no idea. I could look into it at work." Henry promised her.

"I've been so selfish. Henry, I never even asked where you work now."

"Babe, it's fine. Don't worry about it." He hoped she would stop fussing. He understood she wasn't as focused on him as she was on the kids. "I'm an ethics advisor for Conrad."

"You work for the president?" Elizabeth asked shocked. She would've imagined he had maybe made a switch in jobs but not this. Then again, knowing Conrad, he would probably take Henry and the rest of her family under his wing after what happened.

"Yes, and he gave me off as long as I need."

"Reminded me to thank him next time I see him." Elizabeth turned around and looked up. Slowly she inched forwards until their lips touched again.

"I missed you." Henry said between kisses.

"Me too."

After Elizabeth had rested for a bit, she was ready to go back outside. She wanted to enjoy the fresh air and just being able to move around freely.

As they stepped outside, she narrowed her eyes a little. The sunlight still hurt her sometimes.

She still had moments where the light from above was simply too bright and her head felt as though it was about to explode from the sheer sensation and intensity of it.

Taking a moment to get used to it, she felt Henry grab her hand. She smiled as her eyes met his before they set off on their walk.

"You don't have to tell me now but how did you manage to get out of there?" Henry asked, hoping it would cause her to open up and talk about it more.

"It was actually just plain luck." She sighed as she thought back of the event that had happened last week. "A guard took a wrong turn and accidentally found me."

"Not everyone knew you were there, right?" Henry remembered her telling the FBI something about only a few trusted men knowing she was there.

"No. His name was Agapito and he left, but promised to come back. A few days later he did come back with another man and the Secretary of Defense. Later on his son, Antony, and his wife Odette brought me back to the US."

"Thank you."

Elizabeth frowned at the unusual reply. "For what?"

"For telling me. For hanging on long enough to come back to us." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they continued to walk.

There was so much he still didn't know, but piece by piece he was able to get a better understanding of the year his wife had.

He figured there would always be things he wouldn't know, but to him it was important to know enough to be able to help her. To guide her whenever she had nightmares or flinched when something reminded her of what happened back there.

 **TBC**


	16. Chapter 16: eleutheromania

**a/n: I** ' **m so glad none of you have giving up on this story because neither have I! Let me know what else you** ' **d like to see in this story.**

* * *

 **eleutheromania:** (n.) a great desire for or obsession with freedom

"Let's go inside. I'll start making dinner." Henry offered as he realized the afternoon had passed by them rather quickly.

"So, what's for dinner?" Elizabeth asked as she kicked off her shoes in the hallway and walked towards the kitchen.

"A surprise. You can call the kids, take a nap or a bath and I'll take care of dinner." Henry told her and she knew he wanted her out of the kitchen. A bath did sound good, so she leaned in to kiss him before going upstairs to the bathroom.

Once there, she realized it was the same as she had first come home. Only his stuff was there, but she liked the smell of his shampoo, so she just filled up the bathtub.

Grabbing her phone, she quickly stripped and sat down. The hot water felt amazing on her sore body and for a moment she closed her eyes.

She didn't want to fall asleep so she got her phone and called the kids.

"Hey mom." Stevie's cheerful voice was heard through the device.

"Hey baby. Are you guys okay?"

Yes, everything is fine here. Ali and I are making dinner and Jase is playing a video game. I'll put you on speaker."

"Hi mom." Alison now joined in.

"How's the farm?"

"It's perfect, just as I remember. Though, I miss you guys." She told them, hoping it wouldn't sound too desperate.

"We miss you too." Both daughters replied.

"So have you guys had dinner yet?" Stevie asked and Elizabeth raised her eyebrow.

"No. Why?"

"No reason." Stevie told her but Elizabeth could just hear it in her daughter's voice. Something was going on, but before she could ask any more questions, Alison cut in.

"Jason is going to prom with his girlfriend." She made sure to say it a bit louder and Jason heard her. He switched off his game and jumped up to join his sisters.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"But she is your date." Alison teased him and Elizabeth laughed at the sibling's bickering.

"At least I have a date." Jason shot back.

"Oh please I had a lot of fun with my friends." Stevie told him.

"Guys, be nice." Elizabeth warned and all three kids had forgotten their mother was still on speaker.

"Sorry." They all apologized.

"Mom, dinner is ready. We'll see you tomorrow." Stevie told her.

"Okay, bye guys."

"Love you." Alison said before hanging up.

Elizabeth spent a little while longer in her bath before getting up and drying off. She got dressed rather quickly because she was ready to eat something.

As she made her way downstairs, she stopped half way and looked around. Henry was stirring dinner surrounded by candle light and on the table was a vase of roses.

"Henry." She sighed as she continued to look around.

"Hey." He stopped what he was doing and walked over to her. "You wanted a date night."

"This is perfect." She met him at the bottom of the stairs, tears prickling in her eyes. "More than I dared to imagine."

He wrapped his arms around her waist as she stood two step higher than him. "I'm forever thankful we can do this again."

"Me too but baby," Elizabeth started as she looked past him towards the stove. "You might want to check on dinner."

Henry snapped around and found his pasta boiling over. Quickly moving towards the kitchen, he took the pan off the stove.

Elizabeth laughed as she watched her husband move frantically around the kitchen. He seemed to have been just in time as he finished making the plates.

He grabbed his wife by her hand and guided her to the chair. After she sat down, Henry got the two plates and placed one in front of her before sitting down himself.

"May I offer you a lovely non-alcoholic glass of refreshing water." Henry joked, knowing she couldn't drink alcohol with her medication.

"That would be lovely." She smiled and he poured her a glass. "All of this looks great."

"Our daughter helped, though."

"So that's what she was talking about. She asked earlier if we'd had dinner yet." She swirled her fork through the pasta and took her first bite. "This is amazing."

She groaned as she continued to eat and Henry smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"I missed your cooking."

"I would be lying if I said I missed yours." Henry joked and she laughed.

"I can totally do with your cooking for the rest of my life."

"It might be a mixture with take-out, though. Some basic chicken with rice." Henry sipped his drink and watched her expression drop. "What's wrong?"

"Just- I've had enough rice the past year."

"We can totally do noodles." Henry suggested, hoping it would take her mind off the past year.

"I could live on this for a year." Elizabeth told him as she finished her last bite.

"I hope you left some space for desert." Henry cleared the plate off the table and came back with two carton boxes. "Mocha fudge."

"I love you." She told him as she plunged her spoon in the ice cream and started eating.

"I tried to make it perfect for you."

"From now on we'll make it a regular thing." Elizabeth closed the carton with much regret but she wanted to keep herself from getting nauseous.

"It's a date."

"Movie night?" Henry suggested as he loaded the dishwasher and waited for her to reply.

"I think I can do without movies for a while."

"Then we'll just 'chill'." Henry suggested and awkwardly laughed at his wife's raised eyebrow. "The kids taught me some 'slang' the past year."

"Oh God." She groaned. "It's getting worse. Seriously? Slang?"

"What?" Henry pretended to be offended as he closed the dishwasher. "I can totally be 'rad'."

"Please stop." She laughed as she listened to the words coming from his mouth.

They once again lay down on the couch, tangled in each other's arms. The only sound was the constant humming from the dishwasher that was on. That, and Henry's even breathing that calmed her down.

"Is there anything you want to know?" She suddenly asked. She could imagine he still had some unanswered questions.

"Is there anything you want to share?"

She thought about it for a moment. Part of her wanted to tell him everything, but also a part of her wanted to protect him from it.

To her it was much easier to answer his questions, than to tell a story about what had happened.

"Will we ever be the same again?" She whispered and heard him sigh.

"No. We'll be even better than before. Seeing what it's like without you made me love and appreciate you even more. Though, I didn't think that was possible."

"Me too, but I can barely kiss you without having a breakdown. How will we ever get _us_ back?"

"With time and patience. Don't forget that you only came back a week ago. I didn't expect you to kiss me right away but the fact that I get to, makes me feel like we are coming back even stronger than before." Henry kissed the top of her head and she grinned.

"How is it you always know the right things to say."

"Practice." He simply stated.

"What if I can never bare more of your touch?"

"Then I'll only kiss you for the rest of my life." Henry readjusted his grip on her and held her tighter. "Babe stop thinking about what if."

"I can't help it. I'm just.." She trailed off and Henry smiled when he found her fiddling with his wedding ring again.

"You're just?"

"I'm scared." She admitted. She was terrified. Terrified of losing everything around her. To lose her kids. Or Henry.

She was afraid Henry would one day wake up and wonder why he still put effort in her. Why he was still with her when he could have someone else.

Someone less broken.

"I'm scared to death of losing you again." She told him as she sat up and turned around to face him.

Henry prompted, forcing himself not to contort his face; he knew that the last thing his wife needed right now was pity. This woman in front of him clearly was not the Elizabeth from last year, but her pride was still strong

Courage was a word he had always associated with his wife. The fact that she had survived the past year and was pushing herself so hard to return to normal had brought new meaning to the word.

"You won't lose me." Henry murmured so low that Elizabeth lifted her head and wondered if she had understood him. She sighed and rested her head on his chest.

Today was a good day. Perfect, really. They did nothing but the simplicity drove her to want more.

She was terrified that it would be taken away from her. These moments were much too strong to describe them with simple words.

When Henry asked her to go to the farm, she was initially terrified. She was afraid to leave her kids out of her sight for even a minute.

Most people would say that is what being a mother is, but this was something else. A deep underlying meaning. In this case it was simple.

A fear of loss.

Of losing the three kids that called her mom. The lights of her life that carried her through dark times.

She felt her eyes getting heavy and closed them. Soon after she fell asleep, safely in Henry's arms.

 _She sat on the bed since the chain prevented her from moving around much. However, when the door opened and Andrada walked in, she got up and stood besides the bed._

 _He took a few steps and stood in front of her, pushing her roughly against the wall. She screamed in pain and surprise, but her instinct took over, and she used her right hand to slap him. "Let me go."_

 _His face moved closely to hers. For a second, she regretted her gesture, but the hold he still had on her waist had loosened._

 _"Just let me go. She repeated, louder this time and pushing him backwards with all her strength._

 _His hand crashed into her face as it met her cheek, and even though she had already taken blows in the past, the pain hit her hard. She had tears in her eyes, and despite the dizziness, she retaliated. She raised her fist but missed her target when Andrada hit her in the stomach. She gasped in pain and felt a hand grab her hair to force her to straighten up._

 _Her scream echoed in the empty room as she tried to pull away._

 _"Look what you are making me do." He hissed. "You inflict this on yourself."_

 _He held her by the shoulders, their bodies pressed against each other. Elizabeth tried desperately to hit anything but only managed to touch his cheek and jaw before one knee hit her side ._

 _He pushed her on the bed and in one fluid motion, made her turn around so she lay on her stomach. He sat on her back and all she could do was swallow and wait as she felt his breath against her ear._

 _"You really are a beautiful woman, Elizabeth."_

 _She forced herself to stick against him to try to get rid of his grip. "Get off."_

 _Tears were blurring her vision, but she could feel everything. His chest was completely against her back to keep her from moving, and she wanted to hide in a dark hole and never get out._

 _"So pretty." He whispered in her ear._

 _He ran his fingers over her hip. She closed her eyes and squirmed away from his touch when he got off her._

 _"I love you." She heard him say as she crawled backwards as far as she could. "I love you and the kids. We'll grow old together and be one of those annoying couples in the nursery homes."_

 _She frowned at his words and was confused because she didn't remember this. She didn't remember him saying that._

Focusing on his words, she heard Henry's voice and dared to open her eyes. She looked around and found herself still in his arms on the couch.

"We'll play scrabble all day long and of course I'll let you win every now and then or else you won't want to play with me."

She closed her eyes again for a moment and listened to him.

"And there will be a lot of mocha fudge. I'll make sure the kids bring by a batch whenever you need some."

"I'll hold you to that." She cut in and looked up.

"I should've known you would wake up when I talked about food." Henry grinned. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yeah." She sighed and untangled herself from his arms. She sat next to him on the couch, her knee bent so she could rest her chin on it. "I need to tell you something."

"Go ahead." He encouraged her.

"You asked before if he- if he ever touched me like that." Henry's eyes widened and his mind started creating all kinds of horrible scenario's.

"He didn't." She promised him. "I just think that, if I had still been there, he would have."

"Why do you think that?" Henry asked calm.

"A few days before I escaped, he came close but stopped. I don't know why, but I think that, had I been there for a few more days, he would have."

Henry backed away, but Elizabeth moved with him, narrowing the space between them. She felt his gaze on her, waiting to move, waiting for permission, waiting for something.

Henry inhaled when she moved her head toward him and stopped when their noses touched.

"Say something."

"How can you even stand to be around me?"

"Because you're not him, Henry. Because you've shown me hope again." She started, "Because I love you."

I love you." Henry took a deep breath, eyes shining with tears. " I love you so much. I love you when we fight. I love you when you are sad. I love you when you're not here."

She sniffed and tears rolled down her own cheeks. Henry took his wife's hand in his and put it on his chest, against his heart. "You'll always have a place here. There will always love and support for you. There will be good and bad days, but it will be days together. I am so proud to stand by you, and I am aware of how lucky I was to have found such a wonderful mother for our kids, a friend and a wife. No matter what life will throw at us, I know that we will be able to overcome everything."

She didn't realize she was crying until Henry put his hand on her cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"Are you renewing your wedding vow?" Elizabeth joked and Henry let out a laugh.

"That's actually not a bad idea." Henry wondered if they should. It would be nice to do something like that with the kids. Obviously they weren't at the wedding because they weren't born.

A yawn from Elizabeth made him stand up. "Let's go upstairs."

She let herself be guided by him and only ten minutes later she was laying in bed with Henry by her side.

"Thank you for today." She whispered.

"Any time." He watched her lean closer and they shared a kiss before she lay comfortably in his arms. It didn't take long for the pair to fall asleep

 **TBC**


	17. Chapter 17: fantods

**fantods:** (n.) state of extreme anxiety, distress

Yesterday had been absolutely perfect but she was excited to see her kids again. She rolled over to find Henry already awake.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Together they lay for a while until Henry couldn't hold in his question anymore. "Will you tell me about the nightmare you had last night on the couch?"

Elizabeth grimaced before nodding so slowly that Henry was not sure she was answering his question. But she answered.

She told him about the nightmare she had last night. How she felt trapped beneath his body, but somehow managed to escape.

At the end of her story, Elizabeth was staring into space, and it took a warm hand on her shoulder for her to recover. Henry was watching her. He figured she would probably wince away from his touch after talking about it, but it was the opposite. She had remained stoic in telling him about these events, as if she were talking from a distance, as if she were summing up a book she had just read and that it was not her who had gone through the story.

Then Henry stroked her arm with his thumb until the his wife's breathing resumed normal rhythm.

Henry kissed her hand gently, a silent thank you for confiding in him. And the promise that he would make her forget all the bad things in this world and getting her into this bubble of happiness in which he had lived . He kissed her for all the hands that had risen against her, for all the words of hate against her, and more importantly, Henry kissed her because he wanted her. Because he could again. Because what he felt for her had to be expressed in something other than words.

"I think it's time for breakfast." Henry smiled as he looked at the clock. It was already 10 o'clock in the morning and they were still huddled together in bed. "I wish we could just stay here forever."

"Me too, but the kids will arrive shortly."

"Do you want to do anything before they arrive?" Henry asked as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Get dressed." She followed Henry into the bathroom and after getting dressed in comfortable leggings and a sweatshirt, they made their way downstairs for breakfast.

Henry made breakfast while Elizabeth texted the kids to see when they were coming.

"Stevie says they will be here around noon." She informed her husband who was flipping over as omelet.

After breakfast, they played one more game of scrabble just to keep her mind of things and by the time they were done, the kids stormed in.

"Hi." Alison said cheerful as she was the first one to barge in.

"Hey." Elizabeth smiled as she held her youngest daughter and her other kids followed after.

"We brought the goods." Stevie held up a bag of pastries.

"Please tell me there's a bear claw in there." Elizabeth took the bag from her daughter and opened it.

"That's not your diet, mom." Alison corrected her and saw her mom roll her eyes.

"I need to gain weight, does it really matter how? I'm pretty sure there's more calories in one of these than whatever my dieting schedule has planned."

"You're so stubborn." Henry sighed as he handed her a plate with a bear claw.

"And yet you still love me." Elizabeth teased as she leaned in for a quick kiss, surprising all three kids.

"That's the first time we've seen you do that." Stevie smiled as she saw her parents were slowly getting closer again.

"Not the first time we've done it, though." Elizabeth winked as she took place at the table. She even missed being able to make her kids uncomfortable.

"God, mom. I like that you and dad are getting back to normal but TMI." Jason whined as he took the seat next to her.

"Oh hush." She playfully nudged her son's side and he squirmed away.

"So, how was last night?" Stevie asked her dad as they now all took place at the table to eat.

"It was perfect." Elizabeth smiled as she looked at Henry. "Your dad told me you helped him out, thank you."

"What else did you do yesterday?" Jason asked interested.

"Took a walk, talked and just chilled." Henry told her and Elizabeth once again rolled her eyes at the choice of words. However, Alison was impressed.

"Look at you, using slang." She high fived her dad who in return glanced at his wife.

"I'm not saying anything." She laughed as she remembered the conversation they had the previous night.

"Did you show mom my room yet?" Alison had given her room her a make over last year and she had been excited to show her mother.

"No, I thought you might want to do that yourself."

"After lunch." Alison agreed. Lunch went rather quickly since both parents had a late breakfast.

Alison took her mother by the hand and guided her upstairs to her room while Jason figured now was a good time to hear out his dad.

"How is mom really doing?"

"She's okay." Henry assured both kids.

"What happened the past year, dad?" Stevie now cut in. She desperately wanted to know something about what her mother's past year had looked like.

"She was taken but came back to us."

"You know that's not what I meant." Stevie argued and Henry sighed.

"Mom is home. She is safe and doing alright. It's not my place to tell you."

"We both know she's not going to tell us anything." Stevie replied and Jason jumped in.

"How are we supposed to help her? When we don't know anything about what she has been through?"

Neither kids, nor Henry, had noticed Elizabeth and Alison walking back in again.

"You don't need to know. All you need to know is that I'm home." Elizabeth spoke as she wrapped one arm around her youngest daughter who was standing next to her.

"Mom." Stevie pleaded but her mother shook her head.

"No, I won't have it. I'm okay."

"Good to know my own mother doesn't even trust me." Jason mumbled before storming out and up towards his room.

"Jason.."

"I'll go." Stevie offered but her mother stopped her.

"Let me." She took a deep breath as she dreaded walking up the stairs again. She would much rather have called Jason downstairs but she couldn't do that. Not now.

It took her longer than anticipated, but she managed to make it to his bedroom and knocked before entering. She found him on his bed with his phone in his hand.

"I'm sorry, Jason."

"Do you know how many times I just wished I could apologize to you? To just say I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass sometimes." He made place for his mother to sit next to him on the bed and she did.

"Don't you dare ever apologize for being who you are. I love that about you and yes, you can be difficult at times but so can Ali and Stevie."

"But I could be so rebellious and the girls were so perfect and- "

She doesn't, wouldn't, let him finish that sentence. She simply wouldn't let her son believe he had done anything worth apologizing for.

"Stop." She ordered and he finally looked up at her. "None of my kids are perfect but you're all perfect to me."

He frowned as he couldn't quite understand what she meant by that statement and she noticed.

"You will understand when you have kids one day." She smiled as she realized she would be able to meet her grandchildren.

"So, you're really not telling us anything?"

"I don't know. I haven't fully processed it myself, but I know it's not fair to you guys to keep you in the dark completely."

"Whatever he did to you, we can take it. We just want to be there for you and help you."

Elizabeth let out what sounded like a whimper and then she dropped her head to his shoulder for a moment and just allowed the embrace. Allowed herself the comfort that her son was offering her.

After a long moment of this, the straightened up, wiped away her tears and stepped out of his arms.

"When did you get so grown up?"

"I will always be your baby." He told her and though he used to hate whenever she said that, he figured it might bring her comfort at a time like this.

"Will you come downstairs with me?" He nodded and together they resided downstairs.

"You okay?" Henry asked his son, who nodded in responds before joining his siblings on the couch.

"Do I need to tell them?" Elizabeth bit her lip as she stared at her kids. She wanted so badly to protect them from this, but she also knew their imagination might be worse than what actually happened.

Perhaps giving them some answers to their question would ease their minds a bit. She knew she would downplay any story she told majorly, but maybe she should answer a few of their questions.

"You don't need to do anything. If you're not ready then they can wait." Henry promised her and she nodded before looking at him.

"I don't want the media or anyone else to put stories in their heads. They were already worried about things because we weren't kissing." She took his hand and sat down with her kids opposite of them. "I know you have questions and I might not answer all, I do feel like I owe you a few answers."

"Mom, you don't owe us anything. If you don't want to tell us." Alison assured her.

"I know, but I don't want you to fill in the blanks. You could end up imagining it was much worse than it was."

"What-" Jason started before carefully thinking about his choice of words. "What did he do to you?"

"You saw the bruising on my ankle. It was a chain to prevent me from escaping." She got an encouraging squeeze in her hand from Henry and continued. "I had a few bruises which mostly faded but that was it."

"What did he want from you?" Stevie asked and Elizabeth thought about her answer for a moment.

She carefully crafted her words as not to make her kids think the worst. "Remember when I broke his nose? It was revenge but once I was there, his joy was over and I actually rarely saw him."

She refused to tell her kids about how he had made her fight in the ring. Or how he had felt her up.

"How did you get out?" Alison asked with tears visible in her eyes. Hearing her mom talk about what happened felt very overwhelming.

"One of the guards and the Filipino secretary of Defense helped me." She explained before taking her daughter in for a hug.

With her left arm she grabbed Stevie and with her right arm she pulled Jason closer.

"I don't want you to worry about me for a second. I'm home with my family, that's all I care about. "

"We love you, mom." Alison managed to choke out and Elizabeth tightened her hug.

"I love you guys."

Elizabeth could help the smile that danced on her face all day long. She felt like see could watch her family for ages.

At times she had wondered if even it would be worth it. To hang on if there was no way of getting out. But the slim chance there was of seeing her family again, was enough for her to keep going.

The agony, the pain, the fear and the nightmares were all worth it if it meant she was reunited with the people she loves.

After dinner, she wanted to take one more walk outside and Stevie offered to walk with her.

"I'm really glad you guys kept the farm. Your dad told me you pitched in." She said as she took her daughter's hand in hers and started on their walk around the house.

"We all know how much you love this place. We couldn't bare to see it go."

"Thank you."

Stevie took her a bit off the path and though Elizabeth had wanted to stay close to the house, she followed. Stevie stopped in front of an, for her mom, unfamiliar tree.

"We planted this after your funeral. When things would get hard, we would all seek comfort here." Stevie explained as she gently touched it. "I never thought I would be able to show you this."

"Basically you replaced me with a tree?" Elizabeth joked and was glad to hear her daughter laugh. "I think it's nice you had a place where you could find some sort of comfort."

They continued their walked around the house and Stevie started thinking. How confronting it must be to see the place your kids had mourned you.

"Mom, do you want us to cut down the tree?"

"What? No."

"It's just that, dad had to get rid of the candles and I just thought maybe you'd rather not have this reminder in your backyard."

"That was different." Elizabeth promised and they finished their walk in silence.

Afterwards, she said goodnight to her kids before residing upstairs. The day had drained her and she was exhausted but she loved today. Everything had been perfect and with her family around she was slowly starting to feel like herself again.

 **TBC**


	18. Chapter 18: orphic

**a/n: I'M SO SORRY! So, fun fact: my laptop got infected with malware over the summer and it took for-ever to get fixed. I don't know if anyone is even interested in reading the last few chapters of this story, but I didn't want to leave it unfinished!**

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 **orphic:** (ajd.) mysterioud and entrancing; beyond ordinary understanding.

 _There were voices around her and Elizabeth could not distinguish them. She could barely open her eyes and sh_ _e str_ _uggled to lift her eyelids but it was useless, everything was blurry. Blinding even._

 _Elizabeth tried to move, but her whole body seemed to be made of stone while an anchor hanging on her chest dragged her to the bottom of the ocean. She had a headache. The blinding light faded until it allowed the darkness to consume it again._

 _Shadows above her. Whispers. She faltered when they touched her._

 _"No."_ _She spoke, but the grunt of pain that escaped her lips hid her displeasure._

 _"Shh."_ _A woman's voice. Her eyes tried to follow the sound, and she shook her head to chase away the fog._

 _Hands on her. She shuddered, struggling again when she heard the noise that accompanied the voices._

 _Her body felt numb and hands kept her from moving as the same female voice tried to calm her. Moisture on her forehead._

 _"Shh."_ _The voice repeated._

 _The fog thickened, and maybe Elizabeth had just given up, resigned to stay paralyzed, or maybe her instinct was telling her she was safe, she was not sure. She calmed down. Her arms were trembling and she was conscious enough to realize she was lying on a soft surface. The shadows talked to each other, and Elizabeth closed her eyes to focus._

 _"Elizabeth."_ _A voice, distinct, familiar, inspiring safety and comfort._ _"Babe."_

Her blue eyes suddenly opened as the remnants of her dream dissipated.

She looked at the ceiling and the heat that had enveloped her had disappeared while Henry was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Elizabeth." Henry whispered softly.

"I'm okay." She replied, knowing it was an empty promise after what had just happened. "Lay down."

Hesitantly, he lay back down and she crawled into his embrace, cuddling close.

"Henry?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want you to think that I'm in any way blaming you but.." She started, unsure about how to correctly formulate her question.

"But?"

"Why did you believe I was dead? I know the world thought the same but I never knew why. How did I presumably die?"

"I don't know. They found a bathtub with traces of sulfuric acid. In it they also found your blood and Franks, as well as your wedding ring and on the ground nearby one of Frank's teeth. Forensics confirmed one or more bodies had been disposed of in that bath tub."

"So you thought I was completely gone?"

Hearing her talk about her own death like that caused the emotions from the past year to rise back up.

"That's probably what they did to Frank. I guess they took your blood and wedding ring and used it to fake your death." He sighed as he rubbed his face with his right hand. "I shouldn't have believed it. I should have fought harder."

"Henry, stop." She begged with tears in her eyes. "There was no way you could have known. I don't blame you for anything, how could I? You're what kept me sane in there. You're what kept me going."

"You're my wife. I should have known better."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and felt him rub her shoulder. His heartbeat was steady and soothing.

"Stevie showed me the tree."

"We planted it for you. After your funeral, the kids refused to return there so we planted it to remember you." Henry explained and Elizabeth thought about the irony for a moment as she sat up.

"There's something I've never told you."

"What is it?"

"Every year on the anniversary of my parents' death, I drive up to Black Top Mountain where they got engaged. I spend the day there and I find them."

"Yeah, I know. I think it's a beautiful way to reconnect." He knew this so he wasn't sure why she was telling him this.

"It's the only way." She admitted and he frowned in confusion. "I've never been to their cemetery, Henry. I mean not since the burial."

"What? I had no idea." He wondered why she had never told him. And more importantly, why he never noticed.

"It's just something about their names etched in stone. The horrible finality of it all." She took a deep breath and looked at him. "I want to go to mine."

Henry's jaw dropped slightly. He was aware they had buried an empty casket, but there was still a grave with her name on it. A grave that shouldn't even be there.

"Babe-"

"No, I want us all to go there. Find some kind of closure for the whole ordeal and move on."

"Babe. You weren't buried at Arlington." Henry admitted. He was aware they had always postponed the conversation, but figured when the time came they would both choose it anyways.

"Then where?"

"With you parents." Henry told her. "The kids and I talked about it and they wanted you close to your parents. We hoped it would bring you some kind of comfort wherever you were."

"Oh." Elizabeth simply stated before slowly laying back down. Henry pulled her closer and she let him.

"I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be. I love that idea." She assured him but the tears on her face gave her away.

"Baby, I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted." He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry for a little while in his embrace.

"That's not it." She told him and wiped her tears away. "Just the fact that my kids had to plan my funeral."

"I know." Henry nodded knowingly and took a deep breath. Every time he got to hold her, he cherished it like it would be the last time. Because last year, it had been the last time. Or so he had thought.

"Tell me what you've been up to the last year."

She had heard him tell her a few things here and there, but the past week she had mostly caught up with her kids. If she talked to Henry, it was mostly about her past year.

"I switched jobs, as you know. I also started writing a new book but nothing official. Just to get my mind off things at times." He started. "I started running again."

"Really? Maybe we could go together some time. I can barely walk up the stairs without being out of breath so I think I need to start doing some sort of exercise again."

"I would, but I already have a running buddy." He teased her and she lifted her head from his chest to look at him.

"Who?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Blake. But I'd much rather run with you." He kissed her nose and she lay back down, smiling.

"You and Blake kept in contact much after what happened?"

"Yeah." He thought about how much support his wife's former assistant had provided. "He called every Monday. He helped the kids and me. He was actually the one who convinced me to run and it was a weekly thing as well."

"I was thinking of inviting everyone next week. I'd really like to see them all and of course meet little Joanna."

"Are you sure you're ready?" His tone very gentle, to make sure she didn't feel attacked.

"No, but I have to try." She admitted in all honesty. "I can't avoid social interaction forever."

"You can give yourself another week or a month if you need it. They will understand."

"I'll be fine." She promised him. "With you by my side, I'll always be fine."

They lay tangled in each other's arms for a while until they figured they should get out of bed.

Elizabeth knew her husband well enough to know something was going on. His mind was clearly preoccupied. "What is it?"

Henry finished putting on a pair of sweatpants and sat on the bed; his back facing her.

"I know you said not to feel guilty, but I can't help blaming myself for giving up on you so soon." He turned around to face her. "You know I would have moved heaven and earth to find you if I thought you had still been alive?"

Elizabeth climbed over the bed to his side and sat next to him on her knees. "You were there for the kids. You maintained a job, a household and three kids through it all. You don't need to feel guilty or bad about anything."

"I just-"

"Will you please stop being so hard on yourself? I knew you were perfect when I married you but these past ten-ish days you've shown me you are much more than I ever could have imagined."

"It still feels like I'm dreaming." He spoke and she nodded. Waking up next to him every morning felt like a dream to her too. Being with her children and her family again.

"Me too." She smiled before finishing getting dressed.

They found their kids already downstairs and working on breakfast. She eyed the bagels and realized she was pretty hungry.

"Are those from Danny's?" She asked as she pointed at the delicacies. Danny's was a nearby bakery she loved. They had the best muffins and bagels.

She noticed her family share worried looks and a frown stretched across her face. "What is it?"

"Mom." Stevie started carefully. "I'm sorry but Danny's closed about a month after you- after you left."

"Oh." She simply stated and grabbed a cup to fill it with water.

"But they opened a new bakery and they have some really good blueberry muffins." Alison tried to cheer her mother up while holding out a muffin.

"Thanks, noodle."

"Anything you want to do today, mom?" Jason asked as he took place next to her at the breakfast table.

"Go outside."

And that's what they did. After eating, the entire family got dressed and they walked around the compound. There was a watery sun shining, and a few clouds in the sky, but other than that a beautiful day.

"Jason, remember when you tried to build a tree house in there?" Stevie laughed as she pointed at a tree.

"And fell flat on my face, you mean?" Jason groaned.

"You refused to climb trees for an entire year." Alison teased and Jason got ready to play defense.

"I did not."

"Oh yes you did." Elizabeth now cut into the conversation. "You were too scared to even climb the ropes in gym class."

"Whatever." Jason replied embarrassed and felt his mother put an arm around him as they continued on their walk.

The Sunday was perfect. They spent the day being with each other and enjoying each other's company. Elizabeth tried to grasp every moment and remember it because she knew that tomorrow life would go back to normal.

Her kids would resume their normal life and she would continue to process. She wanted to tell Henry everything, finally letting it all out, but something was holding her back.

She was terrified he wouldn't look at her the same ever again if he knew everything. She was certain things would change and not for the better.

Tomorrow the FBI would come by for more questions. She desperately wanted him there with her. He provided safety, comfort and a steady pillar for her to lean on. That did mean he would hear everything she said.

Every horrible thing she went through, every traumatic thing he did to her. Was she ready for him to hear more?

Henry was making dinner with Stevie, while the others were finishing packing their bags. Once Alison finished, she walked into her parents' bedroom to help her mom. She found her mother, sitting on the bed while folding her clothing.

"Mom, do you need any help?"

"No, thank you noodle. I'm almost finished." Elizabeth folded the last of her shirts and closed the suitcase.

"Did you enjoy coming back here?" Alison sat down next to her mother on the bed. She helped set the suitcase down on the floor.

"I loved it. I missed this place, I missed the-" Elizabeth stopped her words. She didn't want to be too vulnerable in front of her daughter.

"Missed the what?" Alison asked and she heard her mother sigh. She knew she was pushing, but she just wanted her mom to open up.

"The fresh air." She admitted. She felt weak for confiding in her daughter. Alison shouldn't be the one she leaned on. Her daughter should be able to lean on her.

"We can come back any time you want." Alison jumped off the bed and grabbed her mother's hand before taking her downstairs.

"Dinner is almost ready." Stevie said and Elizabeth sat down.

After dinner, the family put the bags in the car and drove back to their house. Once again it was a quiet, peaceful drive. The scenery passed by and the calming landscape quickly turned into the busy city life.

Once they settled into the house and the kids scattered, Elizabeth decided to head to bed. The weekend, no matter how lovely, had been tiring.

So many emotions had risen up and memories flooded her mind. Both from the past year, and memories of her family.

"Thank you for these past few days." Elizabeth whispered once she lay in bed with Henry sitting down next to her.

"You don't have to thank me. We can do it anytime you want." Henry scooted down so he lay next to her with his head popped up on his hand.

"I honestly don't deserve you."

"Stop." He sighed. "Elizabeth, I made a vow in sickness and in health, and I intend to keep it."

"You also made a vow till death do us part. Which it did."

"No it didn't. You came back to me and I promise I will protect you better. I will be by your side, now and forever."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

 **TBC**


	19. Chapter 19: cynosure

_cynosure: a person or thing that is the center of attention or admiration_

Monday rolled around and all the kids were out of the house early in the morning. Stevie went to work; Jason went to school and Alison left to catch up with some friends. Elizabeth was rather anxious for the FBI to come by today.

After breakfast she got dressed semi-decent and waiting with Henry for them to come by.

"Do you want me to stay?" Henry asked as he grabbed her hand while sitting opposite of her at the table.

"Yes."

"Then I will be right by your side." Henry promised.

They waited for a little while longer until the doorbell rang. Henry got up to open the door while Elizabeth stayed put.

"Conrad?" Henry said surprised when he opened the door and found the President himself on his doorstep.

"Henry, it's good to see you."

"You too. We were expecting the FBI." Henry stated as he stepped aside so the other man could enter the house.

"I know." He simply said before making his way to the kitchen.

Elizabeth looked just as surprised as Henry had a little while ago. She got up despite her aching ribs and she mentally kicked herself for being in sweats.

"Hi." Elizabeth smiled before walking towards Conrad and pulling him in for a quick hug. It wasn't something they did often, only in times like this.

"Coffee?" Henry offered as Conrad sat down and filled up a cup.

"How are you feeling?" He asked his former employee, and fake-surrogate daughter.

"I'm really happy. I'm back with my family and ready to put all of this behind me."

"How are your kids dealing with things?"

"They're coping." Elizabeth sighed. "This past year has been really hard on them."

"But we're all very grateful she's home." Henry smiled as he set a cup in front of Conrad and took place next to his wife.

"Thank you, by the way. For allowing Henry time off to be with me." Elizabeth told him and he gave her a simple nod.

"I can't tell you how good it is to see the two of you together again." Conrad sipped his coffee for a moment before setting it back down. "There are however a few things we still need to talk about."

"I'm ready." Elizabeth spoke with much determination. She wasn't sure if it was to convince the two men or herself. Either way, the conversation continued.

"We nearly went to war with the wrong country."

"I think that's what they intended." Elizabeth replied and Henry sighed. They had been so focused in Iran; they missed any signs.

"President Andrada has been informed that the United States will not tolerate what he did, and his actions will have consequences." Conrad started. "You can of course file criminal charges as well."

"We both know that won't matter a bit." Elizabeth sighed. The guy lived on the other side of the planet and he would just get away with what he did.

"However, many people within his government want him out of office and by this time Wednesday, they will most likely have a new president."

"They're planning a coup?" Elizabeth frowned. The irony; she went to Iran to prevent a coup only to create another one in the Philippines.

"The Filipino vice-president will call an emergency meeting this afternoon to declare President Andrada incompetent to hold office." Conrad explained what he had negotiated so far.

"What will happen to him?" Henry jumped in.

"That is up to the new president. Most likely he will stand trial but with the number of supporters he still has in the country, I doubt he will get convicted. No one wants to start of their new presidency with creating a war among his own people."

"So, he will just walk?" Henry growled. "After what he did?"

"Henry." Elizabeth placed a gentle hand on his for him to calm down.

"He will be denied entrance to the United States indefinitely and some of our allies have followed our lead. As soon as he leaves to a country that will extradite him, we will get him and put him on trial here."

"I can't say that's what I hoped for." Elizabeth tried to mask her disappointment. She wished he would be locked up in a deep, dark whole and throw away the key. He deserved to at least feel the way she was now. But from the looks of it, that wasn't going to happen.

"I'm sorry, Bess."

"I know you're doing everything you can. I appreciate that, thank you."

"I wish I could have come bearing better news."

"The men who helped me, what happened to them?" Elizabeth wondered if her captor had gotten to them or if they were safe.

"The secretary of defence is working alongside the new president."

"And Agapito? He was one of the guards."

"We have been unable to locate him." Conrad sighed before finishing his cup of coffee. "I should probably head back, but when you're up for it, I'll come by again."

"Thank you." Elizabeth smiled and Henry shook his hand.

"I'll walk you out." Henry said and got up to walk with Conrad to the door. Elizabeth stayed behind and moved herself to the couch.

There had been a slight sense of unease at the back of Elizabeth's mind since her return. An unsettling feeling something terrible was about to happen.

She felt her heart speed up, her breath immediately started to come in quick, pained gasps. She fought back the rising feeling of dread, though, forcing herself to stay focused long enough to sit down on the couch.

Her body might have been in the present, safe in her own home, but her mind was trapped in the past as she watched through the eyes of herself in the past year. Chained up in a room, noises all around her.

The memories that flooded her mind, only made it worse, and it was becoming harder for her to force air into her lungs. Her vision was blurring between the memories and her living room, and her head was getting simultaneously lighter and heavier.

The fact that none of her family members were nearby to ask for help, scared her. It only added to the overwhelming sensation of unstoppable panic. She couldn't breathe, or think, or do anything to help herself.

She was on dry land, but she could've sworn that she was drowning.

Elizabeth wasn't breathing, despite the hoarse gasping noises she was making.

Henry walked back in and immediately jumped into action. He grabbed her hand and pushed it down on his own diaphragm. She didn't acknowledge the movement, her eyes unfocused and chest heaving violently.

"Elizabeth," Henry growled, before taking a deep breath himself and forcibly relaxing his tone. "Babe, listen to my voice."

Henry physically turned her head until he was looking directly into that half-conscious gaze.

"Feel my breathing under your hand and try to match it." Elizabeth was still gasping to no effect, however his hand on her cheek brought her eyes more into focus.

"Breathe in through your nose, slowly, and breathe out through your mouth when I tell you." There was the slightest hint of a jerky nod.

"Breathe in." Taking a slow, deep breath through her nose for about two seconds, Henry pressed more firmly on his wife's hand, making sure she could feel the pattern she needed to follow.

Elizabeth couldn't get a proper breath the first time, but Henry knew his instructions wouldn't have an instantaneous effect.

"Hold the breath in, as well as you can." Henry counted out two beats, knowing that Elizabeth was struggling to hold onto her lungful of air. "Okay, let it out through your mouth, slowly."

Another two seconds passed, and Henry told her to wait two more beats before repeating the cycle all over again. It was a slow-going procedure. At some point, Elizabeth's free hand had fisted in his shirt, something he knew she was doing for a physical grounding point. It took Henry longer to realize that his own free hand had migrated, resting reassuringly on the back of her head.

Elizabeth was slowly heading back to a normal breathing pattern, and Henry took his hand away from behind her head. The moment he did, though, Elizabeth lost her measured breathing. Henry let his hand rest back in position, quietly talking his wife back to normality.

Although it didn't take too long to get Elizabeth out of the danger zone, Henry spent at least ten minutes hunched onto the couch, making sure that she was going to be okay.

Finally, her breathing and heartbeat returned to their normal resting rates, and she turned teared-up eyes on the man whose hands were still touching her.

"Sorry," Elizabeth mumbled, exhaustion practically dripping from her.

Henry just stared, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that it was finally occurring to him that she was much more affected by the events than she let on.

"I can't do this." Henry took a step back from the couch and Elizabeth looked at him with a terrified expression.

Part of her had always been worried that one day Henry would give up on her. That he would see the broken mess she had become and figure it wasn't worth the trouble. She had tried to shield him from it best she could, but it turned out she should have tried harder.

"I understand." She didn't blame him, though. On the contrary, she had expected it. However, it still felt like a stab to her heart hearing him admit it.

Henry, having noticed her inner battle, realized his poor choice of words. "I didn't mean-"

"No, it's okay." Elizabeth held up her hand and rose from the couch. "I get it. I can't expect you to keep up with me."

"No, no. Stop." Henry shook his head. "I meant I can't watch you suffer every day. Baby, you need to talk to somebody."

"What?"

"I'm not giving up on you. Never. I just think that it would be good if you talked to someone." Henry explained and Elizabeth frowned. She couldn't fully comprehend what was going on and part of her was still convinced Henry was giving up on her. On them.

"I don't need to talk to anyone." She argued. She didn't want to talk about it; she just wanted to forget it all happened.

"You haven't mentioned his name, once."

"Henry." She sighed.

"Say it."

"I can't." She admitted in defeat while tears welled up in her eyes. She was aware she hadn't said his name because she couldn't. Her breathing was becoming more rapid again and her heartbeat was speeding up.

"Okay. Just take a deep breath." Henry assured her. Grabbing her hand with his own, he tried to get her breathing to match his own.

"I just need some more time. I promise it will go back to how it was before."

"Stop. I've got all the time in the world for you, but you can't rush this. You need to feel it. All the pain, grief and sadness."

"I'm scared." She admitted in a tone more desperate and defeated than Henry gad hoped for. "What if I'm never able to stand your touch again, Henry? I don't want to live like that."

"We will figure it out." He tried to motivate her. "Like we always do."

"But what if we don't?"

"I know you haven't told me the extend of what you went through but I can promise you that whatever happens, I'll be by your side. Just the two of us. You and I against the world."

"And the kids." Elizabeth added and Henry nodded in agreement with a smile.

"And the kids."

 **TBC**


	20. Chapter 20: occasus

**A/N: I figured since the show ended, it was time I finished this story. Thanks everyone for following along and all the nice feedback! xxx**

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 **occasus:** end

After lunch, Elizabeth had asked Blake and the others to come over. She was both excited and nervous to see them again. She was aware she was no longer the fierce women they once knew. A lot had happened, things they didn't know about.

When the doorbell rang, she knew it would be Blake. He was always on time and so she got up to let him in. Henry had locked himself in the office to give her time with her old staff but stayed in the house to be there if she needed him.

"Hi Blake, common in." Elizabeth stepped aside and let him.

"Hi, sorry I'm late." Elizabeth let out a laugh. He was still five minutes early, but she knew Blake liked to be places at least ten minutes in advance.

"You're the first to arrive." They walked to the kitchen and she grabbed a mug. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please but I can do it." Blake offered. He was so used to making coffee for them both, it felt weird to see her do it.

"You're my guest." She smiled and as she finished up, the doorbell rang, and Blake already shot up and walked towards the door. She could hear Jay's voice as he greeted Blake.

"Hi." Jay said stunned as he lingered in the doorway. It felt immensely surreal to have his former boss, who was declared dead, stand in front of him.

"It is really good to see you." She told him and wrapped an arm around the still visibly confused man.

"You- you too." Jay replied. "Sorry I'm just a bit-"

"Confused? Surprised?" Elizabeth finished and Jay nodded. "Yeah me too."

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you." He spoke, still stunned by the return of his former boss.

"Coffee?" Blake interrupted. He jumped into action when Jay nodded and set three cups of coffee on the table.

"No coffee for me." Elizabeth declined. The doctors had advised her to cut out caffeine, at least for a little while.

"Really?" Blake asked surprised. He had always thought she had a bit of a coffee addiction, but then again, the job was made for it. "Alright."

"So, what have you been up to the last year?" She asked Jay. She had already spoken to Blake and was curious what her former policy advisor was doing.

"I'm the new chief of Staff."

"That's amazing." Elizabeth smiled. "I heard you and Abby are back together."

"Yes." Jay frowned for a moment, wondering how she knew. One look at Blake gave him the answer to that question. "We still fight but we know how to communicate better."

"How's Chloe doing? She must have gotten so big the past y-" She started but was interrupted by the doorbell. Before she could move, Blake had already gotten up to open the door.

Both her and Jay waited for Matt and Daisy to arrive and see their reaction. As soon as they came into sight, Daisy stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh my God." She whispered stunned whereas Matt's face simply lit up. He walked over to her and Elizabeth had just barely gotten up before being pulled into a tight hug.

"Hi Matt. Good to see you, too." She laughed and he loosened his grip.

"This is so weird." Matt blurted out before shooting her an apologetic look.

"Do you want to come in or should I bring you a chair?" She asked Daisy who was still standing in the doorway. It seemed to get her out of whatever trance she was in and step forwards.

Elizabeth noticed the little girl in her arms and tried not to hurt her while she gave the other woman a quick hug. "This must be Joanna."

Daisy nodded and handed her daughter to her former boss. She watched them interact and smiled as she moved to stand next to Matt. As she sat back down, the little girl sat on her lap and played with Alison's hairbrush that lay on the table.

"She's already so big." Elizabeth noticed and tried to hide the sadness due to the fact that she had missed out on nearly the entire first year of the girl.

"I can't believe how fast she's growing." Daisy sighed. "She's trying to walk although she hasn't managed to actually do so yet."

"She'll get there." Elizabeth bounced the girl on her lap.

"She likes you." Matt stated when the girl giggled a little.

"She better." Daisy cut in. "She was named after you."

"Yeah, I heard." Elizabeth looked up to her former staff member and waited for an explanation.

"I gave birth a little while after you- after what happened. We already had a name picked out, but I remember holding her after she was born and Matt and I started talking. We had each other to process what happened to you and we were saying how it was almost scary how determent you sometimes were. Strong minded and independent. That's what I want her to grow up and become."

"So, we figured the best way to do that was by naming her after you." Matt finished.

"And now she gets to grow up knowing who she was named after." Jay cut in and Elizabeth swallowed back her tears.

"I- I don't know what to say."

"I'm just thankful you got to meet her." Daisy spoke.

"Me too."

The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up. Joanna was crawling around the living room while the adults talked to each other and filled Elizabeth in on what she had missed.

It almost felt like normal and it scared her a bit.

When dinner time rolled around, Henry joined them in the kitchen. She felt bad he had spent the entire afternoon in his office, but he was determent to give her time with her former colleagues.

"That's our queue to go." Jay noticed and got up, followed by the others.

They put on their jackets and Henry moved to stand next to his wife. He put an arm loosely around her waist and she leaned against him ever so slightly. This, to him, indicated she was exhausted.

"It is really good to see you." Matt told her even though he had mentioned it several times throughout the afternoon.

"You too, Matt."

"Say bye-bye Joanna." Daisy said as she waved at Elizabeth.

"Bye guys." She smiled and closed the door behind them.

"You okay?" Henry asked and she nodded.

"I keep thinking I will wake up and this will all be a dream." She admitted as she bit her lip. She avoided his gaze until his hand gently lifted up her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"It's not a dream. You're really home and I'm never letting you out of my sight."

"Well, that should be fun." She joked. "But I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I love you." He just needed her to know.

"I love you." She leaned forwards and kissed him, before deepening the kiss.

They hadn't done more than a quick peck on the lips and Henry decided to let her take the lead. He was surprised she managed as long as she did before pulling away.

"Henry?" Her voice petrified, causing Henry to frown with worry, "What if this feeling is all there is? What if I never feel okay again. I don't want to feel this way."

For once Henry wasn't sure how to respond. His heart was torn from seeing his wife this broken. He had tried to tell her he wouldn't leave. He had tried to tell her she was all he wanted and needed. He had tried to convince her that she would need time, that this would be a slow process.

What else was there to do?

"I wish I could take this pain away from you. I wish I could make it all better, but I can't. I will be by your side no matter what." He rubbed his hand up and down her arm and she sighed.

"I can't even say _his_ name out loud."

"The thing at scares you most is the thing that sets you free." Henry quoted and Elizabeth looked up at him. How could he hold so much love for her?

"Marry me."

"What?" Henry frowned. They were already married.

"Marry me," Elizabeth repeated before adding, "again."

Henry smiled as he pulled her close to his chest. "Yes, always yes."

They might not be what they were before and they might never get there, but whatever happened, they were together. She was back home with her family. Back in his arms.

Back where she was meant to be.

 **The end.**


End file.
